Are We Delusional?

Welcome to episode 2 of the Red Lips Real Talk podcast! In this episode, Jasmin, Monica, Maritza, and Deibys dive into the intriguing topic of whether they might be delusional about their youthful appearances. They also explore how celebrities' portrayals of age influence women's perceptions of themselves.

The conversation doesn't stop there—they also discuss what it means to age gracefully, especially for women over 40. From embracing natural beauty to maintaining a healthy lifestyle, they cover various aspects of aging with grace and confidence.  Tune in for an engaging and insightful discussion!  

Don't forget to share this podcast with a friend! Episodes are released every two weeks on Wednesdays. You can find us on Spotify, Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. Join the conversation on Instagram @RedLipsRealTalk and TikTok @RedLipsRealTalk #redlipsrealtalkpodcast #womenempowerment

Transcript

Hey, chicas, welcome to Red Lips Real Talk Podcast. I'm Jasmin. I'm Monica. I'm Maritza. And I'm Deibys with a Y, and we are four Latinas from South Florida, bringing you real talk on life, love, and everything in between. Time to get real. 

What's up, everybody? Welcome back. Hey, welcome back. So what are we talking about today?  Are we delusional? I don't know. Are we delusional? No. Are we delusional? What do you mean? What do I mean? Listen, it's all over social media. We're getting roasted. Like, people are like, all these people think they look so much younger than what they were saying.

Oh, I don't look my age. Like that poor green dress lady. You know what I'm talking about? Green dress lady. Green dress lady. Rest in peace.  I'm sorry, but she's like, guys. She got slammed at bat. She got slammed. Bad bro. Like, like bad. Bad. It's terrible. She was like, I'm 34 years old but I don't look my age.

And everybody's like, you look 47. You look 48. Yes. This is terrible. I didn't see it. You didn't see it? I heard a little something about it, but God, you don't even know. Better. They gonna kill me. Play it. I wanna hear it. You wanna hear it? Can. Okay.  . So Green Dress lady, here goes. I don't know what's happening to club culture, but the girlies are not wearing heels in the clubs anymore.

And as a 34 year old, I know I don't look my age, but as a 34 year old,  do we need to come out of retirement and teach the girls how to wear heels or like what heels you need to shop for when going out in the club? Cause the amount of flats and sandals that I saw, it just like,  Part of the thrill of going to the club is dancing on the couch in your heels.

You gotta figure out how to, how to strengthen those ankles so you don't break them. Like how to maneuver. Like, it's a rite of passage.  I feel like you don't appreciate wearing a flat if you aren't dancing on the couch in the club.  I don't know, y'all. There's just But wait a minute. Here's the thing. She wasn't wearing stilettos.

She was wearing church picnic shoes. That's what everybody was saying, I heard. They were all telling us that Well, people weren't telling us. They were saying to her, You got some church heels on.  Going to the club. But that's what I'm saying. Okay. So yeah, it was a little bullying. Let's keep it real. I will definitely say there was bullying.

They took things too far. Like she had to even end up doing another video saying I had to prepare my family. And I was a little embarrassed. And I think we had mentioned that she didn't mean any harm by it. Yeah. She came out saying like most of it was, I was joking that she doesn't typically even go to clubs.

So she was a little thrown back like, Oh, when I got there, I was really surprised how many girls I saw in flats.  So it was more of like a little jab, you know, being funny, like, do we need to come out of retirement? Yeah. Well, at least she was positive and said, even though bad things happen, I'm going to use this platform to raise awareness for women's sports.

So she turned it around. So good for her. But going back to delusional, it's like, I know I've been guilty of saying, you know, Oh, I think I look great for my age, but bitch, I use a lot of beauty filters. 

I know, I mean, I've been told a lot too that I look younger, but I'm like, all right, when is it going to catch up? Or are you guys just used to telling me that now that you don't want to stop telling me that? Cause you'll feel bad if you don't keep telling me. Well, I mean, we do have access more to more education on, you know, water and food and exercise and Botox and fillers, but that, I mean, it's a lot of pressure.

Don't you think? To constantly always be worrying about, do I look good for my age? But men don't have that same pressure. That's true. They don't. No. They don't. No. They have different pressures, but definitely not that pressure. No. Absolutely. It's a big one. I know, um, back, back in the day when we used to watch the Golden Girls or, they looked a lot older than what they really were.

Yes, they were. Versus now. to be in their like, 35 to 55, right? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Which they're saying now that, um, what is it called? And just like that. And just like that.  As to what the Golden Girls were back then. Yes. They're saying that, yeah. Yep. Sex, you know, sex and just like that is the continuing of Sex and the City.

So it's not while Sex and the City is, it's now just like that is the ages that the Golden Girls were. Oh, I can't believe that. See, but that also goes to show you that like, Like, your hairstyle, your clothes has a lot to do as well. You know what I mean? Like, they really dress them ladies up to look a lot older. 

And even if you kind of look at their faces, I still think they looked older than they were supposed to. Although Blanche was trying to keep it sexy all the time. Oh yeah, she did. Well, I mean, keeping it real, like that's one of the main reasons why It's so hard for me to let my gray hair grow out because I was telling Maritza one day I just had a moment of weakness.

I called her and I was like, I'm so tired of having to dye my hair every two weeks. Um, it's just, I don't want to do it sometimes, you know? But the minute I see that gray line growing and it gets a little more, you know, you can see it more. I just. I just feel so unattractive. I don't feel good about myself.

And then there I am dying my hair again. But then I see women who let it grow out and I, I think they're look stunning. Beautiful. But I don't, I don't think it would work on me. Right. 'cause we're our worst critic. I mean, I, I, that happens a lot. You see somebody with something else and you're like, oh, that looks great on her.

I could, it just, I couldn't do that.  Pull it off. I couldn't pull it off. Yeah. Yeah. I've been there. I tried . You tried? Yeah. How far did  you go? Far? Did you go with the gray? I was. I was, yeah, I was doing it for a while and then I kind of got tired of it and I was like, okay, no, go back. Diet again. But yeah, it's, it's tiring to have to keep going every two to three weeks to get your hair done.

Yeah. It's a pain in the ass. Yeah. Especially when you have like dark, and I know you do the more blonde. Yeah. Well, there's a reason I do it. I love my brunette hair. I have, I'm proud of, to be a natural brunette, but you, Blonde hair is a little more forgiving when you have gray, so I'm not as much of a slave to dying it.

You know, I can sometimes go as far as four weeks. I've taken it as far as six weeks, but by six weeks it's so noticeable. That's exactly what I was going to say. When your hair is darker, it shows like immediately, you know, seven, eight days you can see it. And I'm like, well, what's the big deal? It's not a big deal.

But for maybe because I'm, I don't know about your moms, but my mom, I love her to death, but it was like, Oh my God, no.  You. You have to always, 

and I'm like, what  ? Where did that come from? That was our culture back then too. I mean, I always grew up hearing my grandmother, my mom, and just women being like, oh,  you know, they're just always commenting on your parents, 

I'm like, thanks Tia  . I grew up hearing the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but then they're always shoving food down your face. Exactly, 

yeah. Then if you don't eat, yeah. It's like 

It's a trap. It's a trap. 

Why? I don't know, I don't know if you guys watch the Real Housewives on Bravo, you do? I love all of them. I'm such a huge fan, I've watched some of the franchises from day one, like Jersey, like day one. Jersey's my favorite. Okay. Um, so I've watched all of them, but haven't you noticed that a lot of them, like, it's been 15 years, 12 years, whatever, and they, they haven't aged that much.

No, cause they, they, well, if you see them in the beginning of the show to now, their paycheck has definitely increased, so now they have all the money to do. Yeah. The, you know, keep up with the Botox and the fillers and the lip injections and maybe a little nip tuck here. But it too far. Way too far. And I'm not trying to be mean or disrespectful, but I am going to name one of them because I thought she looked so gorgeous before and who she resembles today is not, is, she doesn't even look a little bit like she did naturally and that's Larsa Pippin.

And when I see Larsa Pippin before she got work done, I thought she was so beautiful.  Yeah. Today, it does not look like her at all. And I think that's the type of plastic surgery that's dangerous, in my opinion. Yeah. I think she went too, too far. She was beautiful before, for sure. And I think it's easy to get caught up in that, you know, like just, you do a little thing here, you do a little thing there.

thing there and then you notice this and you notice that and you just keep going and keep going and going to a moment where you're like, Oh my God, I don't even recognize myself anymore. Now you're at the point where you have to keep up with it because if you don't, it's going to make me look worse. But I can understand a woman in her 40s doing that.

What I don't understand is how women in their 20s are doing this. Yes, I agree. I don't think. I agree with that. That's scary. I, I don't like that. I have 20 year old daughters and if they were going to do that, it'd be like, the hell you are. You're not. Because you see like there's some celebrity young women and you see like the fillers, like they start to get like little pockets in their cheeks and you're like, you're only 26 years old.

What are you doing? Or the, even the Botox, like they don't even need that yet. Like just look naturally beautiful. You know, that's the most beautiful you can be, especially at that age because those are like years where. Your skin looks great. You're, you know, everything is in place. Nothing is sagging everywhere.

Face, body, everywhere. Like everything just looks great. Enjoy that. And there's nothing wrong to do it later on. Listen, I ain't opposed to it. Like, I can't say never. I'm not opposed to it either. I just feel like when you are enhancing or trying to get a little glow up, there's nothing wrong with that. But when you come like Donatella Versace. 

Have you seen pictures of her when she was normal without, before surgery and now it's, it's, I, I, I don't. Unrecognizable. Unrecognizable. I think it becomes an addiction too. Yeah. I'm not saying that hers is or any of her larsa pimpas, I'm just saying that. No, I think it becomes an addiction for sure. Yeah.

You kind of fall into that little rabbit hole.  Especially when you're a celebrity and you're on TV and pictures all the time, I think that that makes them do it even more, to be honest. Well, that plays back to all those comments, right? Because then you got people commenting on your looks and this and that, your weight.

So you start to feel,  maybe I need it. Yeah.  I have a TikTok and I did this TikTok about, um, dating in your fifties. And is it really the bad, whatever, because somebody I know was venting. And I just did a video. I've received like thousands of comments, mostly from women, but there were a few from men. And I was like, let me read the men's point of view.

Men, ladies, they were brutal, brutal. And I'm just thinking to myself, well, this is what women who are dating in their forties and fifties have to deal with these types of comments. You know what I mean? I mean, there was one particular guy that said, um, and this is where it really broke my heart. He said, I'm 55 years old.

I got remarried. My wife is 30. Uh, I left my ex wife because she got fat, didn't take care of herself, uh, got menopause and was always moody. And I, and I'm so happy now. And I rebuttaled and I said, well, you know, when men don't feel good. They go to the doctor and immediately they get treatment. But for women, it's like, Oh, that's part of menopause.

That's the way it is. You know, maybe you should have helped her through that instead of leaving her and getting a younger wife, he ended up deleting his, his comment. And it just, it just, this is why women are also like obsessed a little bit with beauty standards because with men it's money and that's their power.

But for women. The power is beauty and being youthful. Yeah, I don't know. Menopause. Huh. That's another podcast. I said menopause. That's, that's a hot topic too. Because it's just, it happens. And if you don't know, you don't understand. Yeah. And you're only taught certain. little words about menopause, you know, hot flashes.

That's like the main thing you're taught. You don't know about all the other things that, that happen that come with that. So yeah, you start to feel like you're going crazy or I don't know what's wrong with me. And you get depressed. But yeah, I don't, I mean, have you felt it, Jasmin? I have, yeah. Ritza, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I mean, like I go to the gynecologist and she's like, yeah, well, is everything okay? I'm like, yeah, everything's okay. Cause I think what I'm going through is like, I don't know, maybe I'm just aging depressed or, you know, something. And when I start talking to people about menopause, I realized that a lot of what I was going through was exactly that.

And I was like, wow, like all this time I was saying I was okay because I guess I was embarrassed to say, Hey, I'm depressed or it is embarrassing. I mean, it's private, private, never spoke up about it. And now I'm realizing that there's things connected to it. Well, this is why I'm so happy that we're doing things like this, because.

To answer your question, Monica, yes, I struggled with this for about three years. Went to the gynecologist and honestly, it was like the answers I was getting is like, it's part of aging, all that stuff. And then I had a dinner with a friend and she was like, no, no, no, no, no. You, what are your symptoms? And I told her, well, I do feel depression.

I gained weight. I have fog brain. I forget so many things. I actually think like, is there something, is this the onset of Alzheimer's? I mean, that's how bad it got for me, guys. No sexual drive. I mean, my ears were itching. You name it, I had it. Um, and she told me about HRT. She told me about patches, about creams, about pellets.

And I was like, all right, I'm going to look into this. I went ahead and I had some lab work done. My estrogen was non existent and I had like almost no testosterone. And, um, I was like, okay, I'm just going to do something about it. And I did. I'm a completely changed woman. Even my husband. told me I got my sweetheart back. 

Aw. Yeah. And it's, I get very emotional talking about it because there's so many women that live through this. Right. And they're told that's just the way it is. And it's not. Not. Do your due diligence and get help if you're feeling that way, because ladies, you can feel so much better because I do. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You shouldn't give up. You got to be your own advocate and just see as many dodger does you need to see to do your own research. Right. And you make that decision for yourself. You know, you know what you need. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. It's hard though. It's hard getting older and aging gracefully and the pressures and you know, like, what do you feel like you need to do?

How do you keep up? Well, you know what I love? I love, um, celebrities who are basically saying F you to aging gracefully. I'm going to do things my way. Like do you guys know who Andy McDowell is? Okay, so she's in her sixties. I, I think she's drop dead gorgeous. She's let her gray grow out. She doesn't get any fillers or Botox or anything.

I think she's a very intelligent woman, woman as well. And I found a little quote here. If you don't mind, do you guys mind if I share the little quote? I can't keep it here because I think it's nice to look at once in a while. And she says, uh, I do think there is the importance of seeing beauty at every age, and it's not limited to a certain age.

Every once in a while, I'll say to someone I'm old. And they'll say,  no, no, you're not. Like, it's so horrible to say, I'm old. I say that all the time.  And I was like, holy shit, she's right. It's like saying I'm old became negative. Yeah. Became like shameful. And she's like, I am old. So what? So I like to read that once in a while because we shouldn't be afraid of aging as much as we fucking are.

No, but I say, and I say it sometimes in, in that regard where I'm not really saying it. something bad about myself. I'm just like, I'm getting old. I'm old. I always say it. I'm like, I'm old.  It's okay. Or maybe we could just be like, I'm getting older. You know, when you say I'm old, people put that like, Oh, I'm old.

Like, it sounds bad, but if I was to say I'm young, you may be like, you're delusional.  That's true. Delusional.  I mean, didn't you bring up that amazing article about, uh, Brooke Shields, right? Yeah. Yeah. I, you know what's crazy? I saw her, I was at my dad's and I saw he had the AARP magazine and her face was on the cover.

And I was like, wait a minute, that's Brooke Shields. It caught me by surprise. Even though I know, I remember growing up seeing her on Teen Magazine and all that back, you know, she's, she's of that age. Blue Lagoon, right? Yeah, that's it. And it was just, Weird to see her on the cover like oh, then I thought oh, yeah, I'm getting there, you know  But no, she wrote this article and basically she was just talking about Well, they interviewed her.

I believe it was a lure and she was like, you know Fuck that getting old, you know, I'm not gonna I'm not here to talk about menopause. Yeah, it's a thing. It happens to us. But, you know, this is me. And and I'm yeah, I'm getting old. And just because I'm getting older and you see me a certain type of way because you remember me from back in those days.

You know, that's on you. That's your, you know, feelings of why I look older or whatever. But she's like, I feel great. You know, I might, I think I sent it to you guys. Did you read it? Yeah, I did read it. Yeah, I did read it. I thought it was very good. There were some parts where it kind of caught me off guard because, you know, she has,  And, um, she would say, like, sometimes her friends would come over and they would be like, Oh, your mother, she used to be so beautiful.

And it's like, dang, like used to be. I could see how that stings a little bit, you know, but you're still beautiful in a different way. Absolutely. And yeah, she talked about that word still. Why do they use that word still? Still. Yes. Yes. I remember reading that. Like, I don't, I mean, I don't know. It's, you know, she's very confident and I guess, I guess that's what aging gracefully is, right?

Yes. You have to be willing to accept it's a natural thing and it's going to happen. Yeah. It's just how you deal with it is whether it's gracefully or not. But I liked how she also said that she didn't really have a problem with maintenance. Like, you know, if you want to get a little work done or if you, she's, she even created it like, um, I think like a line.

Skincare line. She's got a skincare line. You know, she's like, I'm not saying let your hair grow. I still dye my hair. She said in the article. Right. She said she wasn't ready. I like to look pretty. I like to look good. But I don't have to look like I'm 30 when I'm 60. When I'm 60. Right. I could just be. She said she doesn't care about dying.

She'll never go gray. That was a bitch. She says she's not ready. She likes, she likes how she just doesn't like it for herself. Yeah. You know what I mean? And that's okay. And she said exactly that. It's okay if you, you know, if you want to do facelift fillers, that's okay. That's what you want to do. It's fine.

But for her, like she's creating a skin care line or she created one basically on what she feels her skin and our skin would need. You know, in this process. And for hair. And for hair. Yeah. Yeah. Hair is everything. Yes. Yeah. Because I know when my, when I'm having a bomb ass hair, I, I just, I leave the house feeling like, whoo, baby.

No, like. When I'm having a good hair day, that literally makes my whole day. If I'm having a bad hair day, ciao, please.  Well, that's, that's why I think it's, it is important to take care of yourself. It's not, oh, you know, like delusional. Are we younger than, you know, look older than we think we look? You know what I mean?

But I think it's just, you should take care of yourself overall. You should still take care of yourself. You don't have to. To do a million Botox and fillers and do this and that and do a facelift and, you know, put extensions and eyelashes. And I don't think it has to be to that extreme. If that's what you're into, that's what you're into.

Sometimes that's just also like a style. That's just like, this is what I like and this is my style. But I think you should still take pride in how you. You should care about how you present yourself because at the end of the day, it's about you feeling good about yourself. So I think it's like that thin line of, I'm doing all of this.

I'm doing all of this because I want to look younger or I want to look good. I want, I care what people are saying or thinking. I think it's that I'm doing this. for myself because it makes me feel good. You know what I mean? Like, I like feeling this way. I like when my skin looks nice and glowing and I do, and I get some nice face products or I get a fresh blowout cause my hair feels nice and soft, you know, just all right.

I'm eating healthy because my body feels good. You know what I mean? Not sluggish or working out, anything, meditating, anything, all those things. Right. Being comfortable in your own skin means something different to each. each and every person, you know, we're all not the same. So to you, it might be beauty to somebody else.

It might be exercise, you know what I mean? Like it's different to everybody. It's not all the same, right? No, it's true. It's about just feeling good about yourself. And then that confidence shines through. And that's the empowerment that you get for right. Absolutely. But you know, not to. change the subject a little bit and bring it down a notch.

But I do, since we were researching a little bit about this for the podcast, I came across an article that, um, you know, it made me think differently cause we're all in our forties and the article was about being in your mid fifties, late fifties to early sixties and how those women feel. Invisible. And they actually call it, it's like a social phenomenon that they call invisible women syndrome.

And I was like, what does that even mean? And, um, it said that when you start reaching that age, they start to feel, it usually is like that late fifties, early sixties. They don't feel seen anymore. They don't, they don't feel like people even really. pay them any more attention at all. And I found, I was like, God, I wonder how that would make me feel because it's not that I'm searching for validation from other people, but it's nice, you know, when you feel seen and it made me sad that there's so many women in that age bracket that feel like they've become somewhat invisible.

Is that something that you've ever heard before? I haven't heard that. No, but it's funny. You said it's making me think how I would feel and that's true. That's the first thing that's popping in my head as you're saying all this, like, man, how, how would I feel? Yeah. You know, yeah. Because the men that are in their late fifties and early sixties, they're still considered to be like that salt and pepper hair.

They can still be seen as attractive, silver fox, strong and powerful, you know? But then when it's a woman that's in that age bracket, um, she's no longer considered attractive. Uh, she's no longer considered appealing. Um, it can even affect her career. Because it makes the man look strong, but it makes the woman look like she's a bitch.

She's got an attitude. She's old. She's haggard, you know? It's like, and I was reading the article and I was like, well, I can't resonate with that just yet because I'm still in my, my mid forties, but, um, I'm going to get there. And I think to myself, damn, that's such a horrible way to feel. So no wonder women spend so much money on beauty procedures and hair and makeup because, you know, they become invisible.

And one of the comments that I read in the thing that I did, this guy said, who wants to date a woman in her fifties? He says, I'm 51. My girlfriend's 30. He goes, who, why do you want to date a woman that old when you can still get women that are in their thirties? Like who wants that? And I remember reading that and I'm like, that's funny. 

That is fucked up. But that's, that's a reality sometimes. So I can totally understand why so many women feel the pressure to look as young as possible at any cost, because this is what they have to deal with if they're single, especially, and they're still out there. Yeah. I could see that. I could see that really being affected, affecting someone when you're single, especially.

I can't even get over the pressure. The cost part.  Because just like you, you see all these people on social media and they're, they're showing you their routine, their skincare and it's step one, step two, step three, step four, step five. And I'm like, and you haven't even gotten to your makeup yet. Like what?

Have you heard of Korean skincare? Yes. Oh my God. It's so good. No. My daughter buys that now. Oh my God. It's the best.  I just, I can't get over all the steps. I have a lot of steps in my beauty routine. That's me. I need something more simple. Me too. One, two, three. I love those masks. When you told me there's 10 steps, you lost me.

Yeah.  I love all that stuff. No, no, no, no, no. I can't. That's too much work for me. It does relax me. I'm not going to lie. It does. But I think I've gotten more comfortable, more self acceptance. And I feel like, yeah, I'm not youthful anymore. And yeah, I have fine lines and yeah, my body has changed, but I, I like myself.

And I didn't like myself that much when I was in my twenties. And I think about them like, wow. Like I look at old pictures and I'm like, there was nothing wrong with me. I was so beautiful. Why was I so mean to myself? Which reminds me of that episode of Schitt's Creek with Moira Rose. You guys watched that show?

I did. No, I've heard of it. Oh my god, you have to watch it. Promise me you're gonna watch it. I'll look it up. I'll look it up. I mean, it looks hilarious. I have to watch it. Oh my god, that show is on my list. What is it, on Hulu or Netflix? I don't know. Netflix. It's on Netflix. I'll find it. Anyway, so there's a character.

Her name is Moira Rose. She's speaking to Stevie and she says to Stevie, take a thousand pictures of yourself because when you get older, you're going to look at those pictures with much kinder eyes. And that's exactly what happened to me. I looked at pictures of me in my 20s and 30s where I always thought I was ugly.

I always thought I was fat. I always saw ugly things. And now when I look at a picture of myself, I try not to do that. Oh, I like the way my hair looked in that picture. I'm really trying to do self love because I'm so tired of being my worst critic. You have to say, you know, like positive words to yourself too.

Just like any anything. Like, you know, it's. You gotta learn how to like speak kinder to yourself. And I was the same way. When I was younger, I wasn't as confident. I feel like my confidence has, you know, gotten better the older that I've gotten. And I think that comes with age because of the wisdom and the confidence and the not giving a fuck what anybody thinks anymore.

At the end, you always care a little bit more. Only human, you know, we're not, we're not. We can't say that, oh, you know, you got to not care about what anybody thinks. I think we're all going to care a little bit. I mean, it's only natural to care a little bit, you know, but you do get more confident the older that you get.

You start giving, you know, less of a shit about people think, and you start appreciating yourself better, and you start realizing that no one is perfect. You know what I mean? You can look at somebody and be like, okay, they have this, they have that. But what are the good things? They have this, this is a beautiful thing.

Because beauty is only skin deep, you know, you could be gorgeous and have the most shittiest attitude. That's true. And as soon as you start talking, you become the most ugliest person in the room. A hundred percent. Because I've met a few. It is true. And then you'll have like, I'm like, wow, she's so gorgeous, but what up?

And then you have someone that's not that pretty. She's kind of average. And then you start talking to her or, or him, you know, at just a person and they become like so beautiful because their personality shines through. But there's a reason for that because I think when you are born naturally, stunningly beautiful, of course not all women are like this, but I'm saying you don't have to work that hard because people gravitate to you because you're just already so beautiful versus maybe one that's not.

Not that beautiful has to work on her personality more. And that's just the truth. I'm not going to say that I was beautiful when I was young, but I didn't really, I wasn't really hard on myself as a young child. Like, you know, how I looked, if I looked bad or, you know, like I didn't have a lot of negative things going on through my head when I was young.

It's now that I'm getting older, that I do have these negative thoughts. It's new to me. Well, not recently, but you know, as I aged, that it was new to me to think think of myself as like, look in the mirror and be like, Oh wow, like, I don't like the way this looks or, you know, so that was really new to me, but of course comes wisdom and you know, as you, you grow and you embrace, um, I always have that sense where I'm kind of like, you know, talk to myself and be like, well, you know what, that's okay.

I mean, I still like the way I look, you know, I love it. So, and you're beautiful.  I mean, I wouldn't say beautiful. No, I wouldn't say that. So yours is backwards. You're saying when you were younger, you didn't, I was.  Did you ever get, um, picked on when you were younger? No. I really don't remember getting picked on.

No one ever, like, made comments? That could have a strong impact, too, because for me, I was very skinny when I was younger. I was very skinny. I mean, I would have friends that would say things, but I, um I guess you didn't let it never It got to me. Yeah, it never got to me. It got to me for sure. Somebody used to Yeah.

Well, let me not say the comments.  But I You know, I kind of just would, you know, be like, all right, whatever, whatever.  Yeah. But yeah, it's the opposite. As I grew, you know, as I aged or I got older, then, you know, those, the negative thoughts, you know, came in, but not really when I was young. I don't remember thinking like that when I was younger.

Yeah. In my teens. I think for me, it was like, I didn't care. None of my friends, like people that were in my life by choice, like friends and stuff like that. I don't ever remember a friend ever saying anything about my body or the way I looked. They teased me with my lips cause I've always had big lips.

So they would call me chuleta lips. Remember?  But I got over that. Chuleta lips is good though. I love chuletas. Um, actually it was, it was my family that would always give me a little bit of shit about, Yeah. Oh, you like chuletas? Oh, she's wearing a size eight and she's only a teen. Yeah, yeah, my family was funny enough for me too.

Very brutal. The same thing, yeah. Mine was the opposite. I mean, I grew up seeing, like we were talking about, you know, the culture back then. I definitely heard my family, my grandmother would be like, But I grew up where I got teased a lot by my friends or people that weren't my friends. I always got picked on how skinny I was.

Always. And it was probably Envy. And then when I got home, my mom would be like, Tú and be like, but look at her legs. I got to a point that I stopped wearing shorts. Yeah, I was just going to say that. When I met her, when I first came, she wasn't wearing shorts. And it all started in middle school because I didn't think about it when I was in elementary school.

But you know what? I was like that, too. I moved down here from New York. You would never catch me in shorts, really. No. Now that I think about it, yeah. I would go to the beach in jeans. I would go to the beach in sweatpants.  But it's, you know, it's, it's, I mean, everybody has different reasons why we are self conscious about ourselves.

I mean, definitely the things you've been through in life. So I think now that I've gotten older. I think I just became more confident and I'm not as like Flaca as I was, so I'm kind of, even though there's things I wanna change, you know, like we all wanna work out, be fit or Right. You know, I can't say I have a baby belly anymore 'cause they're nine and 12, but I have a baby, Bella  still there, but I didn't have a baby anymore.

I, if I was called, we'll  we're gonna call that. I think that would complete me. I like if, if somebody wants say, oh,  I'm gonna be like.  It was too much though. It was too much. And then it got to the point where I was like, you know, people don't think it's rude to tell somebody how skinny they are, but people watch their tongue to be like, Oh, you're fat.

I go, you wouldn't just flat out say that to somebody unless you're trying to be mean. I go, but it's okay to be like, Oh my God, you're so skinny. Skinny. And it's not. You know what? It's not okay. I never thought about that. And you're right. Yeah. Yeah, she is. You're 100 percent right. When I was growing up, it was bad.

I didn't, um, I wanted to do cheerleading. I didn't do cheerleading. I wanted to run track. I wanted to do softball. There were so many things I wanted to do and I didn't do it because I got teased so bad about being skinny that I didn't want to wear shorts. And then I was like, okay, well, softball, they wear pants and then they just have their socks.

I was like, but then if I go to practice, I got to wear shorts. I mean, I was like, Oh, that was really severe. Yes. Oh, I'm sorry. And my husband was, you know, he dated me, we were high school sweethearts, and he would always tell me, like, oh, wait, when you get married, you're not going to care anymore. When you get married, you're not going to care anymore.

And as I got older, I didn't care anymore. But I also started gaining weight as I got older, so I think that made me feel more confident. Wow. Yeah. That's, I'm so happy you shared this with us. It's big. And then I look at sometimes, and I'm like different perspective. Right, but then now I'm like, look, there's so many guys that, like, as I've gotten older, like, you know, friends that we're trying to hook up with friends will be like, oh no, but I like, I'm really skinny.

And then there's other guys that are like, oh no, I like, I'm big. I'm like, there's so many guys out there that like all different size, shapes, sizes. This, that, and then it's like you, you beat yourself up so much. Like I'm too skinny. I'm too fat. I'm too this. There's always going to be somebody out there that loves you exactly the way you are.

You know? I agree. So it's like, we got to stop being, I was just younger and I didn't know any better, you know, when you're younger. Yeah. Everything is, you just. So now Maritza, you know better. You're older.  Yeah, I do. I, I talk to myself. I'm like, all right, Maritza.  You're good. You're good, girl. You're beautiful.

Comfortable in my own skin. I am. I am now. And it's such a like, weight off your shoulders. Yeah. Just because I've dealt with it so much. And I'm not saying that I'm 100 percent confident, because I'm not. I still struggle sometimes with things, but it's a huge weight lifted off your shoulders when you really are just like, I love my skin.

I love myself. I love this. And you start to point out all the wonderful things about you, not just, you know, Appearance wise, just your heart, your soul, this, the people around you, anything, your life. Just, you got to remind yourself. I remember many, many years ago, I used to work in medical billing and, um, I had to process, um, I noticed the same person that I was processing.

And it was like a substantial amount of money. And I was like, it was so strange. I wonder what's wrong with this young man. Anyway, make a long story short, he was 20 years old. He was crossing the street to see his girlfriend and got hit by a car. He survived, but he's. Paraplegic from the neck down and that profoundly impacted me because he was such a young person and I was thinking to myself man Here I am I can walk.

Mm hmm. I get up every day. I have you know, I have my friends I dance You know, I have all the and I'm still finding reasons to be unhappy Mm hmm And this young man is in this situation and he would probably do anything anything to just be able to get up and move his body. And I think like when you sit down and you start thinking about things like that, it can instantly make you more grateful, like a more grateful person.

So when I look in the mirror, I try really hard to say, I'm grateful that I got up. I'm grateful that I can move my legs. Yeah. I'm grateful that I'm healthy. I. Like the way I look today and it's all psychological. Like these are words of  affirmations. And I've learned before I was like, Oh, that's bullshit.

That's bullshit. No, it's true. But it's true. Like when you start today, it's the oldest I've ever been today. You know, I'm the oldest I've ever been, but I feel so beautiful and that's so powerful. The words that we say to ourselves. Exactly. And that's, well, that was something in Brooke Shields article that we were talking about that, that caught my eye because.

She said, you know, you start to listen to all those things in your younger days and all about what you're not. But then as you age, you start going through the list of all the things that you are. And it is, it's powerful just thinking of that. You, you, you reverse it. You, you start telling yourself like, try not to be so negative on yourself and think about all the things that you are and the things that you're not, you know? 

You is kind,  you is  important,  it's true.  Um, the, oh my god, I forgot the name. The maid? No, no. The help. The help.  I knew it was like a word. Oh my god, my brain. The ones? The ones. And I was like, I can't see it again because it broke my heart. But the best part of the movie is when that character ate the shit pie.

Yeah. Eat the pie. Eat my shit. I was like, Oh my God, that's such a good movie.  It is. Was a really good movie. So what are some of your top three? Three things that you like you feel like you have started to say to yourself to feel like to change and to be more positive. Like what are your top three things you think I know I'm putting that I do or that I say both maybe like what are your top three?

I think all of us should have a top three like words of affirmations or things that we do differently. Um, to age gracefully. Yeah. Maybe to age gracefully. Yeah. Um, I use sunscreen. I think that's very important. Meditation and exercise. And not exercise to lose weight. Exercise to feel good. That's strong.

Because it makes me feel good. And strong. Exactly. What about you, Monica? Things that I do to curb my hatred. To just feel good about yourself. Like, what are three? Top three. Um, I drink a lot of water. I read a lot of, um, I don't know if you call it self help, but, you know, positive motivation stuff. Um, I don't give a shit, really.

Mm hmm. About anything. When did you think you started not really giving a shit? That's interesting. Like, for real, for real, like you were like, I don't give a shit anymore what anybody freaking thinks. I think it was when I turned 40. Really? I just stopped caring. Like, I don't I don't care what you think about me.

Can you believe that? You don't pay my bills.  Brooke Shields says that in her article. Yeah. She says she talks about. Getting older being a relief because you no longer put the pressure on yourself of what people think of your appearance. Yeah. And I just said that too, like the weight lifted off your shoulders.

Exactly.  It feels good. Can you believe that for me, I actually just started saying, I don't give a shit what anybody thinks about a year ago. That's how long it's taken me to really like free myself from it. I'm going to be 48 in a few months. So almost all my life I've cared what people think. It makes me emotional because it's like.

I've been a prisoner to that. Yeah. And I feel free. And look, look what we're doing now. Yeah. And, and I'm so proud of us. So with that, let me tell you what my top three are. Yeah. What is that? I honestly, self love. I've been talking about that a lot. Self love is important. I would say that's my number one.

Exercise. I agree with you. Exercise has been fundamental for me. Like it makes me, again, it's not for looks or it's just, I feel like these endorse, like, I feel like I can, you know, conquer, conquer the world. That's my, my second one, to be quite honest with you. And then my last one is no longer feeling guilty about taking time for myself and enjoying, enjoying alone time with my husband.

Like  I used to feel really guilty about that. I don't know why. But now I'm just like, no, life is short and I want to enjoy my life. Guilty as in who? Like from your friends, from your kids or like, why do you feel guilty taking time to be with him? I don't know. No one's ever. I think it's all in my freaking head, Davies.

I can't I'm like, I'm keeping it real. Like no one's ever said shit to me about that. But in my mind, I feel like embarrassed. You know, like, Oh, you know, if I take, Oh, like if I did something with my husband this weekend, last weekend, and then I'm going to do something again this weekend. And people know that we're having this much fun, right?

That's an example. I feel like a little, like I'm showing off or I'm embarrassed or I don't want to talk about it. And now I'm like, no, I'm enjoying my time with my husband. Yeah. And before I would, I would be more like, maybe discreet about that. And now I'm like, I'm going to like, I'm going to enjoy my life.

You should. But it's taken me a long time to get to those top three. That's what I'm getting at. These are fundamental for me. It's taken me my entire life to get here and I'm so happy that I'm, that I got here. What about you? Um, mine are water. Two, like Monica says, I love drinking water. If I don't drink water, I feel dried out, like, inside my body.

Like, I just feel like, like I'm parched. I love drinking water, and I think that's very important for your health, your skin, your organs, everything. Um, moisturizer. I highly, highly believe that, If you can't afford all the, you know, eye cream, face mask, toners, serums, you know, there's so many things like the ladies were just saying, like, there's so many steps.

At least moisturize. Wash your face and moisturize. You want to keep your skin just nice and fresh, not feeling tight. I hate that feeling. So that's really important to me. Water, moisturizer, and I try to eat as healthy as I can. Um, you know, I try to buy organic as I can. It doesn't mean everything in my house is organic, but I do feel like a healthy lifestyle makes me feel good.

I love eating cheeseburgers. I love eating pizza. I love eating rice and steak and beans and this and that and Italian food and pie. I eat it all. Wow. I do. I'm a foodie. What don't you like? I'm a foodie.  I don't try to eat like that every day, you know? You just made me hungry. I make, uh, yeah, I try to make You're trying to be at that great dinner time.

Chicken, barbecue. I love everything you just said. Casserole. I love it. Shrimp cocktail. Yeah, so don't get it wrong. I love eating all that stuff. Cabbage.  I love cabbage. B b biscuits. See? Ooh, warm biscuit with butter.  Put some gravy on it. Some rotisserie chicken. Biscuits and gravy. You named it. I do. I love food, but I do try to eat healthy.

Like I like to get my, and I do love vegetables. It's not like it's a hard thing to do, but I do feel different when I eat healthy. Like when I have too many days eating all that food, I just mentioned, I feel sluggish. I feel crappy. I feel like, you know, mama, what am I supposed to do with this little tree and it's broccoli. 

But those are mine, you know, healthy choices. Um, one thing I do want to incorporate is exercise. And I struggle with that cause I struggle finding the time to do it because I have a busy life. Yeah. But I do want to do it for the reasons of like feeling strong and just It's clear minded and, and all, and even meditating.

And I, I believe you meditate. You are very like calm and mellow and chill and it's like, I strive to be that. That's the first thing I do in the morning. I mean, like I don't sit there with my legs crossed and do the whole,  but in the morning I like my house quiet, I have my coffee. My husband, the first thing he does is wake up in the morning and turn on the news and that drives me crazy.

crazy because I don't want to hear that negative stuff in the morning. I'll, I'll, I'll listen to it later. But the minute he walks out that door to go to work, I turn off that TV quiet in my house and I just meditate. I'm zoned in. I love it for my day. I love it. I start my mornings off quiet too, but I need to meditate because I just want to be like more calm, not so hyper, just like relax.

And I feel like when you're more relaxed, you give less of a shit.  Everything. Cause you're not tense. Yes. Your day is clear. Yes. You know what you need to do. Yes. Yeah. I like that. You don't get on social media because then you're fucked. No, I hate that. All that is out the door. I try not to do that. And listen, I can sit there and scroll for hours, but I, that's my thing in the morning.

So I'm like, I'm not picking up my phone. I'm starting my day off with social media. I'm like making my little, cause I drink matcha. I'm like, I'm making my little matcha. I'll have my little, you know,  I have this little book to write three grateful things for. I do it a lot, but then I'll skip a week or two and then I get back on it and I'm consistent.

But it's nice to start the mornings off like that. I just need to incorporate that meditation. I don't do any of that.  I do. I'm going to keep it real. Meditate. I can't. My brain's always racing. Oh, mine too.  I just need to figure out a way. I  That's why you need it. That's why, that's why I feel like I need it.

Because I get anxiety. Like I get overwhelmed with my thoughts. I have so much going on. I think as women we do. I just kind of like, I got to slow it down, you know, and just clear my mind and look at everything. You know, like kind of like step by step, you know, you're like more like, all right, it's a list, you know, one at a time.

So when you meditate, are you thinking about your day? In the mornings I am. Okay. I'm thinking about my day and what I need to do. If I'm overwhelmed, then I kind of, if I'm overwhelmed with thoughts, I just try to clear my mind. Okay, quiet. Quiet my mind a little bit. Yeah. When I try to meditate to clear my mind, right?

I'm like five seconds in, I know. And making lists in my head. girl. I'll talk about things from like last year. I'm like, why are all these things popping in my, I tried to meditate. That happens to one night, and all I thought about was, I'm fucking constipated. , oh my god.  I'm  supposed to be relaxed and tense.

All I can think about was like, I haven't taken a shit. So, I don't think that works for me. It might. It's going to help you take a shit because you're thinking about it now.  You're becoming aware of the fact that haven't, see? It's already working. I need to get manifested. I need to get those  probiotics.  I am me.

I have so many. What is wrong with us? I don't know. This totally went somewhere else. I'm sorry, but you guys are talking about meditation and tiki tiki tiki. And I'm like, I tried and all I thought about was I can't take a shit.  It's hard. And you know, I thought I was getting that old feeling. Because now in this age, I enjoy things like that.

I enjoy birdwatching. Yes. Gardening. Things, mind you, city girl here. You would have never caught me in a garden. Gardening, birdwatching, just listening to wind chimes go. Yeah, don't you and Maritza have chicks? We do. You have little chicks? You got chicks? Well, we've taken the yoga class, too. And that was so relaxing.

Oh, I love yoga. She was great. She was great. I'm so sad to hear that she's not. See, I'm scared to go to a class because I don't think I can relax. Like, I think I need to do it at home before I go to a class. Cause I'll be opening my eyes, looking at people, people are watching me. And I don't know if I would always ask her, let's go to yoga.

She goes, no, I can't sit there and be quiet. I can't sit there and be quiet. And we went. And sure enough, she was there. I was like, I walked under there, I was like in a cloud. Like my body felt so light. Oh, I want that. Mind and body. You can do it. I want that, like, so bad.  I'm such a, like, I'm not a hyper person where I'm like 

I love being like, you know, active and loud and hyper, like, you know, it's my personality. I love laughing and being funny and, but there's something that just like calls me to just like, I just want to relax and be Zen and be, and just walk my everyday life like that. Like I'm floating on the cloud and I don't give a shit and I'm not getting tensed and yoga.

Yeah. You know what, for those people listening to this. If you have something that you like to do or that helps you age gracefully, let us know. Hit us up. We want to know. What does aging gracefully look like to you? That's right. Because for everybody it's different. And do you think you're delusional? 

Right. Do you think you're delusional?  Sometimes I think I'm a little delusional. And I guess we're going to end this now. Thank you so much for listening to us. This is our first podcast, our first real podcast. I hope you've enjoyed listening to us. We are very appreciative. And we have a little poem here.

Actually Maritza was the one that found it and I'm going to go ahead and read it. So I just want all you ladies to know this beautiful poem. We are survivors. We are warriors in the quiet. We are women like classic car or a fine wine. Even if our bodies may not be what they once were. They carry our souls, our courage, and our strength.

We shall all enter this chapter of our lives with humility, grace, faith, over everything we have been through. And we should never feel bad about getting older. It's a privilege that is denied to so many. Amen. Amen. I love that. Amen. Yeah. I like that. It is a privilege. All right, ladies. I love you guys. Love you guys.

This was awesome. Thank you. See you soon till the next one. Thank you for listening. Make sure to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. We'll be dropping an episode every two weeks. Oh yeah. No, like seriously subscribe now. Just chill to the next episode. Follow us on Insta and TikTok.