Real Talk: Marriage Unfiltered

In this episode, the hosts discuss the ups and downs of marriage, motherhood, and the importance of communication, respect, and friendship. The conversation touches on topics such as celebrating anniversaries and birthdays, evolving together through the different phases of marriage, and maintaining humor and intimacy in relationships. They share personal stories of struggle and resilience, emphasizing that no marriage is perfect and the significance of understanding each other's love languages. The episode concludes with a reflection on staying committed to each other, comparing marriage to staying on a boat and navigating through both calm and stormy waters together.

Don't forget to share this podcast with a friend! Episodes are released every two weeks on Wednesdays. You can find us on Spotify, Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. Be sure you are subscribed to this podcast to automatically receive your episodes.
Join the conversation on our ⁠Website⁠ or @RedLipsRealTalk and TikTok @RedLipsRealTalk #redlipsrealtalkpodcast #womenempowerment

Transcript

Hey, chicas, welcome to Red Lips Real Talk Podcast. I'm Jasmine. I'm Jessica. I'm Monica. I'm Maritza. And I'm Deibys with a Y. Get ready. Somos Latinas from South Florida, bringing you real talk on life, love, and everything in between. Time to get real. Hi, ladies. Hey there. How's everyone doing? Good. Good. Good.

I missed you guys. I know. I missed you guys. I was excited. This is like therapy for me. I have to say. I know it is. You know, Jasmine, you had mentioned that one time, too. It is for me. It is. It's good. I always feel good after I see you guys. Yeah. And I enjoy the time during, too. You know, it's nice. I really appreciate you guys rescheduling our last show because I had that kitty emergency.

Oh, I know. How is your cat doing? No, it's not funny. I'm not laughing. Who's laughing? It's funny, but not funny. No, I really meant to laugh. We were supposed to record that night and I'm like, I'm going to go to the podcast because my cat's almost dead. My pussy cat. Oh, wait, not my pussy. I'm kidding. We hope that's never dead, girl.

Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. No, but seriously, um, she was attacked by two male cats, so I don't know if they were trying to mate with her or she was being territorial, but they jacked her shit up. Aw. Uh, 900 later. Damn. Oh my goodness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. That's But you know, like, your pets become like a huge part of your family and, uh They're part of the family.

I got mad. I love her. And now And she's like Got a fupa. My cat has a fupa, and when she runs, it just sways back and forth. It's a fupa. Yeah. Like a belly? Like a big ass belly. Oh. It's called a fupa. Okay. And I'm like, I never thought I'd spend that much money on a cat with a fupa, but there I am. No, but seriously, like, thank you, ladies, for rescheduling, because it really meant a lot to me.

But yeah, that's it. That pussy's expensive.

You love her. I do. I love her. I take care of her. You always got to take care of that pussy. Anyway, so Monica, what did you do this weekend? I'm glad your kitty's okay. She's fine. I'm going to camp at PG and say kitty. Yeah, I'll keep going. So I'm just going to shut it up. No, I didn't do anything. It's quite weekend.

Quite week. So how you been Jeff? Good, really good. Um, I recently, uh, celebrated, uh, my anniversary with my husband, which was really nice. And, uh, surprisingly, like unexpectedly, I got to celebrate it with a few of you ladies. We get to celebrate Monica's birthday, which was really nice, and we surprised her.

You did. You did not know. Oh, I heard it was beautiful. I unfortunately missed it, but I wanted to be there. We missed you. We missed you. Oh, I missed you guys. I wish I was there, but I heard it was beautiful. Monica, did you love it? I did. I did, it was amazing. We did one of those, uh, candlelight, um, music. Mm hmm.

They did a Dell tribute. It was so nice. Beautiful. It was in a church setting, so even more beautiful. And they had alcohol. Nice. In church. I've heard it's beautiful. I've heard those things are nice. Look at you. In church. And that was actually What was it, wine? No, no. Okay. Alcohol. It was. Yeah, yeah. They had a bar.

Open bar. They had a bar. That's the first thing that caught my eye when I walked in. I was like, okay. At church. It felt wrong, but. Yeah. Why now? I was celebrating, so. Right. So there was a reason. Yeah. Yeah. Wine. Church. Hey. Well, why not? It was really sweet because her husband had been texting us weeks prior, like, make sure you show up on time.

I got your tickets. He treated us to the show, which was really generous of him. And um, He was just like, Oh, are you guys going to stay after and have dinner together as a group? So I just thought it was like really loving. Yeah. And, you know, it was just special. And then she showed up and we were all just standing there and she showed up so late.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Did you miss some of the show or just the late meet up? It was perfect timing. It was perfect timing. Yeah. Because we got to walk in and it started. So that was good. That was good that we walked in before her. So the guy at the door was like, we were telling him we were expecting her and her husband to come.

And then he was saying, oh, what's her name? What's her name? We're like, Monica, you know, she's coming with her husband. And her daughter was like, oh, she's wearing a red shirt. So we said, well, she's wearing a red shirt. He's like, all right, when they come to the door, I'm going to tell them that they came too late.

And I'm not going to let them in. I'm going to just pass with them. Oh, I love that. OK, OK. OK. But she didn't come in a red shirt. I know. So he told the wrong lady. He's like, I wasn't sure. I don't I think he just did it because he wasn't sure. No, it was weird, though, because he looked at us like he wasn't going to let us in.

But then he was like, OK, he opened the door. But then when he saw that, I was like, I was I paused because I was surprised. I saw the mother and I was like, what the fuck is this? Oh, you know, it's exciting. Then he was like, I knew it was her. Like he had this face like, damn it. He was like, you guys told me she was wearing a red shirt.

We were like, whoa. We thought she was wearing a red shirt. She changed last minute. We all know how that is. And she looked gorgeous. She did. She did. Well, to me, I appreciated like that weekend to be honest, because I don't get a little, my husband and I, as far as like we're concerned because we're like, we have little kids and you know, so it's like hard for us to to get some adulting time.

So that was like our adulting time. So I, I had so much fun and just be able to like be with other couples. Yeah, it was like intimate. It was like everything just like was perfect. After that, we went out to dinner. It was some good music. But those candlelight shows by Fever really exceeded my expectations because I was beautiful.

I had read some reviews that they. weren't that good. It depends on where it's being posted, the settings and stuff. But and even, even my husband was like, Oh, he was looking forward to going out because it was with our friends and stuff. But he was like, kind of like, Oh, you know, cause when I told him what it was, but afterwards he was like, Whoa, that really exceeded my expectations.

That was beautiful. I would do it again. So I feel like it was in a church too. So the, the acoustics were I think it's incredible being I was going to say, it also depends. There's always going to be somebody that doesn't like it. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, he he was the type of person who thought he wouldn't like it.

Right. And he's like, I would do it again. I love live music. Me too. I love live music. Like if I however, so I was actually looking forward to it. Yeah, it was really beautiful. And, you know, it made me think because like, you know, usually when we go out with with my girlfriends, with you guys, they'll be like, OK, let's go out with your friends, your friends.

But I noticed at dinner he was like, oh, I had such a good time with our friends. You know, and then I did it just I appreciated that, you know, that he now like after so many years, he doesn't see my friends, my friends, our friends. Yeah. And that's the beautiful thing. Yeah. Yeah. And then we got to, there was like a moment where we got to, Dance.

And I got to dance with my husband. I was like, Oh my God. I told my husband while we're dancing, like, babe, when was the last time we danced? And it was like perfect. It was like the sweetest thing. Like just these little things. Right? It's like the little things that you got to keep that little spark going.

romantic birthday. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Did anybody get looked? Changed it. Just kidding. We're not on video, so we can't see who raised their hand. We can't see who raised, they all raised their hands. I wasn't there, but I still got lucky. Love and marriage, let me tell you. I could talk about this for hours.

Love and marriage. I used to love that show. Me too. It was hilarious. Me too. That was a good one for that time. It was a good one. It really was. I mean, that revolutionized TV. It really did. Just like I Love Lucy, like I Love Lucy revolutionized it. And then like shows like Love and Marry, you know, or Married with Children.

Sorry, that's what we're talking about. Yes, it's Married with Children. Yeah, but the song starts off love and yeah, that's why. There's so many like shows like that, that evolve, right, that evolve and go more with the times. I think that's also a secret in marriage. You know, I was just talking to Maritza about that earlier today about how like successful marriages, most of the time, one of the secrets is.

That you evolve and grow together as a couple. I'm big on that. I've always said like, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm blessed that my marriage, cause I've been with my husband for so long, um, we recently had an anniversary too, 21 years married. And it's that you grow together, you either grow apart or you grow together and we've grown together.

Luckily. You know what I mean? And marriage isn't easy. So. So. Yeah. The, the big thing to me is like the end goal is the same. We have our eye on the same goal and it's that we love each other. You're a team and we're in it to win it. You know what I mean? It's like, I'm not going to give up on you. You're not going to give up on me.

And everybody's going to have good and bad days, but yeah, good and bad months. Good and bad. Yeah. Yeah. And listen, a bad year. There's seasons. I think there's seasons. There's seasons. It doesn't mean your marriage maybe is going bad, but you're life, there's other things that revolve around you that you lean on each other or you're both, you know, struggling with something together or whatever it may be, you know, you're a team.

Like what are the things that like you think get you through those rough times? I think I, to me, everybody has a different love language, but I think it's whatever that person needs. You know what I'm saying? Like if I'm someone that sometimes I want to talk my feelings out and I just need to get everything off my chest and then I want to be left alone.

Yeah. But not left alone where I don't want him there. Now I just want you to hang around me, but you know, don't, don't say much. Yeah. You're like, let me get through this. And when I'm ready, bad way, but just be there, hold me, hang out with me. You know what I'm saying? But it's just like, I just want to like, I'm definitely one of those people that when I'm feeling my emotions, I have to let it out.

If not, it, eats me up and I get worse. Yeah. And my husband's the opposite. If he's upset, and I'm talking about anything in life, not like if I'm upset with him, but he'll help me get through something rough. You know, he's more of that whole hold things in sometimes, you know, and he does open up to me, but he sometimes be like, I just need to be left alone for a minute.

And I'm the one that's like, I need to talk about this now. Right, right, right. You know, Let's talk about it now. Let's talk about it now. Right. So I think it's just understanding each other and knowing what, you know, your partner needs. You know what I mean? Like, And I think too, after that many years, like, you know each other.

We do. But you know what? You're not a mind reader because you still, you still can't work. We were together for so long and so young that we grow. You know, we get older, things change. So it's like at the end of the day, his communication is still strong because you can't just assume what somebody's thinking.

I do know him well. Yes. So you know, the little things to do and he knows how to push buttons and how to poke the bear. Absolutely. But at the day, you can't just assume you still need to talk. You still need to communicate. You still need, even if it's a simple question, like, what do you need? Do you want to talk or do you need me to leave you alone?

You're right. Absolutely. That's it. It's just like, it could be a simple question is that, you know, yeah. Communicate and comprehend too. Yes. And I think it takes a long time to like, get that. Like, it depends too on what you're going through. Like, I have like years with my husband and these are things like I'm constantly reflecting on.

Like I have years that it was just me and my husband. And then now it's like, There's other people, you know, there's other people, the small people and those small people are like, they don't, they're just always there. So that makes things a lot more spicy and interesting. So I've had to, yeah, learning to navigate through that and we're learning who we are now as parents.

And that's like, a whole different ballgame, but I'm actually really grateful that I had those years of not having kids with my husband. And again, it wasn't by choice either. It just happened to be, that's how it was. And uh, so I'm grateful that I had those years with my husband cause we, I got to know me, he got, we got to know each other and now, and obviously too, we're not young having kids.

I don't, I don't have anything to compare it to, which is actually good too. Um, so I only know. What I know from my own experience, so we're parents later in life. So I think that that, you know, has also, it's been very interesting and we've had to really work through like going through like those navigating through those changes.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's interesting because for me it was the opposite. I got married very young. I had children very young and I was very immature in a very adult situation. And my husband is a little older than me. So, he also was divorced and had two children from his first marriage. So by the age of 27, I was still trying to grow up and figure out who I was as a woman.

Had two children of my own, two stepchildren and a mortgage. Yeah, it's a lot. So I felt, I felt extremely overwhelmed with the situation that I was in and I feel that I was doing the best that I could with the experience that I had at that time. But that also affected my marriage because I had a short fuse and I was very angry and I would fight for the most ridiculous things.

But I feel it's because I was overwhelmed and I didn't know how to express myself properly. And I feel grateful that I had a husband who was more mature and was able to say, okay, I know you didn't mean that, or I know you're overwhelmed because if he was similar to my age, perhaps that would have caused us to get a divorce.

And um, I mean, I'm being very vulnerable right now with this, but as I got into my thirties, I was growing and getting more mature, but I was still having these toxic traits. You know, and one day we had a really awful fight. My goodness, it was awful. He left and he got a hotel room. It was bad. It was really bad.

And, um, he called and he was, I don't think he's ever been this angry at me. And I felt bad, you know, and I was like, um, I know, it's okay, it's okay. But I felt bad, you know, and then he called and he was like, you make me feel like shit. You don't know the things that you say to me. You make me feel like shit.

You don't know how much I love you. And I was like, I'm sorry. Aww, don't get emotional. Yeah, I know. But then he was like, um, I'm sorry. But then he was like, I love you so much, but sometimes it's hard being your husband. You know, and I think it was like listening to that, I realized, wow, like, I can hurt him too.

Right. You know, and then he goes, sometimes you give me the silent treatment and you don't talk to me. And that, that hurts me because I, like, you're not talking to me. And like, I need you to just grow up, Jasmine. I need you to grow up and this is real, like this is what I'm telling you is real, you know, and I think that was the first time that I realized, oh, I'm being a child, I'm not expressing myself properly and I think that that's what changed our marriage because he want, he loved me and wanted to make it work, but he was so fucking frustrated and I didn't know how to do the job.

Yeah. So that was the, that was the catalyst to changing our marriage for the better because he wanted, he was still in it. Right. And I was still in it. Yeah. And it was willing to fight. And that, yeah. And you need two people. I didn't mean to get dark. That's not getting dark. That's getting real. That's, um, that's very real.

And Listen, a lot of couples give up and they'll be like, no, F you, I don't love you no more. No, but sometimes you have to have those dirty fights because those 35 you don't know how to communicate sometimes, which you need to find a way to communicate. And sometimes we're angry about things and we don't like how you said you were frustrated.

You didn't know how to express yourself. So you, you let it out in anger. And anytime somebody is that upset and angry all the time, it's because they're really upset about something else and they're filtering it out through that way. You know what I mean? But you, sometimes you have to have those explosive fights and just really let out the truth.

And then. Come out better on the end, you know, as long as you both really love each other and at the end you want to really be together. Those big fights sometimes need to happen. I'm very careful now with not giving silent treatments because I think when you do the silent treatment, you're like, Oh, I'm not going to say anything.

It's better if I just stay quiet, but you don't understand that the other person could be completely oblivious as to why you're even up to that. And they're like, I don't know what I, you haven't spoken to me in two days. And I'm like, and I don't even know why you're mad at me. Right. And he may not even be mad at you.

That's why it's a simple thing of just like, do you need to talk? Or do you need, do you need me to leave you alone? Cause you know, something else is bothering him. You can even ask, listen, I see that you're upset. Is this something I've done? Or are you dealing with something that you want to talk about?

Or do you need to be like, just let me know where I'm at. Because like you say, you don't, you don't know. You're like, okay, like you haven't really talked to me in two days. You're being like this. You'd be, and it could just be that it's work. It's something personal. Something. that you don't want to talk about and you don't even realize that you're being cold about it.

You know? Or as simple like if I know that I need to be left alone, just be like, listen, I had a rough day at work. I don't even want to talk about it. I just, you know, can you just take the kids? I just, you know, let me know what you need me to do. And I just need like the rest of the night to myself, you know, he helped me out a lot when now, I mean now I'm so much older.

This was mostly like in my late twenties and early thirties. That was really tough for me. I joined the gym, like I joined like a CrossFit and then I ended up going to OTF, which is But, um, those are like really intense workouts. And I would go and just let it out at the gym. Yeah, that's good. You finally let your aggression out.

I came back home and I was like, Hey, do you want to talk? And I wasn't, I'm telling you, like, that was another little secret. I think for me, that was, that has been like a tool for me when I feel like I'm almost like bickering for no reason. I'm like, where's this coming from? I just want to like, oh, I'm like irritated.

I've learned like throughout the years, a lot of times, It has nothing to do with my husband, it's that I haven't been consistent or utilize my outlet to just because you're a human being. And if you're taking bronze from a lot, especially like if you're a mom, you know, so you have your kids like now more than ever to me, that's like my vital tool.

And sometimes things start to pile up and I'll just be like, Oh my God, I'm like, I'll have like a breakdown, you know, because it's like, and then I'll reflect back and I'm like, you know what? It's because I didn't do my self care. Right. And I feel like self care is like one of my key things as, um, to help in your marriage, you know, because it's a tool.

And I know that for me now, self care, even though it's so vital for me now more than ever, it's like, I have to have it. It's I find myself fighting for it more because we always put ourselves last. We do. And we, and we're not going to change that. I mean, let's be real. We're not going to change that. We do need to put ourselves first, but we're not.

We need to take care of the house. The kids. You got to make sure you're married. Just good. Keep, you know, call your friends, make sure everybody, but you do have to, you have to go to work. Yeah. You have to, you know, you have to schedule it. Find a way. Yes. You have to schedule it. Yeah. That's why I'm saying like when I get to that point.

And it's also hormones. We'll talk about that in another podcast. Yes. But that's why when I get to that point, I'll be like, listen, babe, I'm just having a day. Like I just need you to do this, do that. I just want to go take a shower and lay in bed, read a book, binge watch. Maybe it's to shave my legs, wash my hair.

I don't know. Whatever it is that I want that I just need to do for myself to make me feel better. You know, I have all this clothes in the room. I just want to be left alone. I'm going to put everything away because the pile of laundry is stressing me out. Whatever it is, you kind of have to pinpoint what is really driving me crazy and what can I do right now to make myself feel better?

Let me tell you, you just, you just hit it right there because hormones, let me tell you, I know that's another podcast, but that's real, it's real, it's real, and I know I'm, I'm sorry to cut you off, but I've told Dennis, I was like, listen, babe, I'm I'm sorry. I'm just in one of those moods where I don't give a fuck.

I was like, I know I'm hurting your feelings right now, but I'm just, I'm going to tell you how it is right now. This is exactly how I'm feeling. This is what's bothering me and I'm sorry I'm being blunt, but yeah, yeah, that's what it is right now. And it's, and then I feel bad because I know, sorry, not sorry, right?

You're like, sorry. Not sorry. Exactly. I'm like, listen, I'm living it. I'm like, normally I bite my tongue and don't tell you, but your, your, your socks right there are really driving me crazy.

But today that shit is really fucking bothering me. Take care of it right now. He doesn't leave his socks anywhere, I just picked something. This is how I knew that man freaking loved me. I was sitting on the couch and I was crying. And he was like, why are you crying? And I was like He goes, are you? He was talking to a five year old.

Not his wife, a five year old. He goes, are you hungry? Are you hungry? And I said yes. Yeah, and he goes, what do you want? I go. No, I don't know. I don't know like like a five year old I don't know what I want. Just forget it. I don't want you. I don't want to eat and he was like Tell me what you want. I'll go get it.

No. No, I don't want it. I don't want anything And I'm watching Under the Tuscan Sun

And I was like, my husband's going to leave me because I'm a crazy bitch. They love us because we're crazy bitches. 20 minutes later, he comes back home with two bags from Publix. And he's like, I got you. I got you some food. It was all of my favorite. Oh, it was chicken tenders, pineapple chunks, Haagen Dazs ice cream.

Oh, it's like all the didn't know what you wanted. So he's not here at all. And vinegar potato chips. random fucking shit that are my favorite food. I love that. And he was like, I just got you a little bit of everything that I know you like. And I was eating pineapple, salt and vinegar, chips, chicken tenders, haagen dazs, ice cream, and white wine.

And then I'm like, life is better again. You know, I love dancing when I love food. And I was like, you know, the food's good when you start like dancing, you're like, you know, and I was like, This fucking man really loves me. You know what? Let's give a shout out to our husband. Yes, because we, I mean, Dennis can be just as amazing.

He always looks out for me. He does little things like he knows my period's coming. He'll just pop up with chocolate. He will. He'll just pop up with chocolate and be like, here, I brought you this. They're like little, you know, they think of us. So thank you to our hubby. You just gave me like a reminder the other day.

Oh my God. Because with kids, it's like, girl, I don't even have the strength sometimes to be like, baby. Why not? You want to get a little, you know, a little sassy tonight. You want to, no, I don't have the fucking strength for that. Like, it's like, babe, a little, let's, let's just spoon and I'm good. Just that, let's just hold me.

Gosh, babe, turn me on. That's just a little thing. So turn me off. We're in the freaking car and my two kids are like, they just, you know, they were just really cranky and shit. And my husband's driving. And I have an Escalade, so I'm in the back. And then one of them's like, Mommy, I want to do Chi Chi. And I'm like, okay, we're almost home.

I'm starving. And I get my kid out of the car and we're in the back, a little, you know, a little port a potty in the back. And he's like peeing in the car and we're driving fast and it's, it started raining and it was like, oh my God, it's everything. I'm like already, I want to go home. Right. And my husband's like, babe, do you want to eat pizza?

And I'm like, all of a sudden, like the sky opened. And I'm like, you just said like the sexiest words to me. I kid you not. I'm like, I'm turned on. We're doing it right now. You better order that fucking pizza. I'm like, babe, you said the word and I'm like, Oh my God, that's cool. I don't know. Who knows what to say.

Oh my God. I'm like, you're getting some tonight. I don't know what, but yeah, I don't know what's in it. Pepperoni on that pizza. What? Listen, with kids, it's like life is so different. It is. It is. I remember that time. Oh my God. I remember those times. Pizza is my sexy word. Listen, pizza is my sexy word. I've seen a lot of like social media jokes where the husband, the wife gets home from work and the husband's washed the dishes and he's made dinner and she's like, Oh my God, I'm so turned on.

Yes. Yes. It's true. For real. For real. It's real. It's real. It's the little things, man. That's the love language. It is. It's like those little things. It really is the little things. My husband in the recent years has started cooking and he's an amazing cook. Yeah. It's true. And, oh, my God, God bless me. You're like, yeah, no, I mean, he's like, I know what tonight's going to end up like.

Yeah, but it's gotten to the point where, you know, because it's every weekend he chooses Sundays, he cooks on Sundays. But when he washes the dishes, what? I know. I know. If you clean up after you cook, hold on. Right, right, right, right. Taking it to another level. Yeah, I'm like, wait a second. But Maritza, you mentioned earlier today about how you're still best friends.

Yes, that's huge. I mentioned the meme, right, because we always see that quote that I was telling her that I kind of understand now. Marry your best friend. Absolutely. For sure. And I, I say, I say that because I think about it and I'm like, you know, I get it now. I mean, because you guys, you know, we get into arguments and you don't always agree or you get on each other nerves, but if you could still maintain that friendship in the, in the midst of that argument, or if you're angry with somebody or whatever it is, I think that's huge.

I think it's huge. You definitely have to be friends. He still calls you and be like, Hey, let me, even though he's upset with you or you're upset with him or he knows you're upset with him. Yeah. But he still calls you and tells you about a certain thing that happened throughout the day. Absolutely. That's a good point.

We didn't think I was going to have the biggest argument. Yeah. You know, you still maintain that little, that friendship. And I, I never thought about it years ago, but now I, Now that I have that, even though I still, you know, we get into our whatever it is, of course, of course, or something happens to me and I want to tell somebody and I call him and I tell him, of course.

And I'm like, that's, that's what it is. Yeah. Or that friendship. Yeah. You still have that connection. Yeah. And I mean, Every marriage has their own thing to make it work, you know, but one thing that I appreciate that my husband does is we really have a lot of respect for each other, especially when it comes to money, right?

So, like, for example, like if we want to buy like little things, we don't tell each other when it's something that's like a big thing. I absolutely would never. Or he would never without talking to me. So he he's really into like barbecuing. Like he's a pit master. I think he's like the best barbecue. But he wanted to buy this Argentinian open fire pit thing, whatever.

And yes, it's expensive. So he called me. He's like, babe, look, I'm thinking about buying this. Yada yada. It's X amount of dollars. What do you think? Listen, he doesn't have to ask me permission. He could buy it. Yeah. And that's it. It's just a simple fact that he even cares. Because you're a team. That's what it goes back to me saying.

You're a team. You build together. That's a great word. You are. And I saw something on social media where this lady bought something really expensive and she was like, my husband didn't want me to buy it, but fuck him. I'm going to buy it anyway. And it's, I do whatever the fuck I want. Like it was like that type of TikTok.

And, um, a lot of people were supportive, like, yeah, girl, do, do your thing. And some other people were kind of like, well, you know, and again, every marriage is different. But see, those are the things that start adding up. Yes. Yeah. Those are the, the, that's chipping away, chipping away. So I think whether it's money, love, intimacy, family dynamics, but there's got to be.

A boundary where you say, it's called respect. It's respect. And my grandmother always said, may she rest in peace. I love her. Miss her so much. She always said, I agree with you. Lose the respect. You lose everything. I agree with you to always respect. And I told him, I said, honey, get it, get it. And he was like, you know what?

I'm going to wait because I know we're planning a trip soon. And you know what? I don't need that right now. Yeah. So let's just say, Wait, so we could really enjoy our trip. It's, and, and those are the little mm-hmm . Those are the little things that make me love him. Yeah. Right. Mm-hmm . But that's a, that's a good marriage in my opinion.

I'm the same way. It's like you're, you're a team. You communicate and listen, I, it's like me buying a dress or buying a book, Monica, and it's like, you know, you call your girlfriend, girl, I don't know, should I do this? I got this going on. But that's your best friend. Your man is your best friend. So it's like he's calling you outta respect 'cause it's both of your money, but also because he's trying to make a decision.

Yeah. So he just was like, I don't know, babe. Should. Do this, do that. You got, you said, babe, it's okay. Listen, he said, you know what? I'm not because we got this vacay. He just wanted to talk to you. Yeah. He wanted to make the decision together, but he also didn't know what to do at the moment. He called his friend, his wife, you know what I'm saying?

That's, that's really what it is. And I think too, like I was just thinking about. the, the point about respect to, I feel like sense of humor is really important. Oh my God. In a marriage. 100%. You have to have that. In life. You have to waste so much. Not just in marriage, but in life. Yes. You have to have that.

Because things just get so intense. Yes. And then, you know, you're also, you, I make mistakes and then I'm like, ah, I messed up, you know, or ah, you know, or I got that wrong or I missed it. I just interpreted that or you know what, I didn't mean to say that so many times, right? And I think like, man, I'm, I'm just so glad like in my marriage, like there's, there's the times where like, I just, I have to crack up and laugh at the shit that sometimes, even that we argue about.

And then we laugh at ourselves. Sometimes we argue laughing. I laugh at myself a lot. Like I'll tell them. I think my sense of humor is one way. So that gets me in trouble. But, um, but you have to, you have to have you do you got to laugh. Yes. Yeah, but I don't like it when he's funnier than me. And that's very dangerous because I've always been the funny one.

Right. But now out of nowhere, Chris Rock. Yeah. Here's the thing. He, he's so funny. He's so funny now. And I'm like, and he's like, da, da, da, da, da, da. And I'm like, where are you getting these? You? Well, you know, you, you taught me and I was like, don't do that shit in front of my friends. I don't like it. And now he goes out.

We went out for, you know, and I hear like all the, all the women were on one side, all the men. I don't even know how that happened, but it always happens like a sixth grade dance. And all of a sudden, yeah, exactly. And all of a sudden I hear the guys quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. And I'm like. And I look and it was there.

It was my man. He was like, I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Oh, you're funny. That's hilarious. You know, I get a little territorial with my jokes. No, but that's a, you are super important. It gets me through. It gets me through man. It gets me through. Sometimes I'm like, Oh my God. And we'll just think about it.

Like, boy, anything with life. Yeah, I agree. My kids like I catch myself, my kids make me laugh, I laugh at myself, sometimes I get pissed off at it. I think my kids, yeah, cause they make me laugh and I'm like alright, I pass this humor on to the children. I love saying that. They make me laugh now. And I'm like okay.

We have the same. And I like being sarcastic. Yeah. Yeah. I was just going to say. So like I see my daughter start doing it and it makes me laugh. Yeah. I love that. Cause you need it in life. It life so seriously. Exactly. You know what I mean? That's exactly it. It's like, cause you can't, you can't. So I like watching TV shows.

Like for example, I like to watch, um, when Modern Family, right? So love Modern Family. So many are. They crack me up. There's so many. So many episodes of Modern Family that I, I literally feel like that's me and my husband, you know, cause we have an age difference. And I met him when I was in my twenties, you know, and I wore the stilettos at Disney World.

And I'm just like, you know, I wasn't wearing stilettos, but I was wearing inappropriate shoes in Disney World. And that episode kills me every time I see it. And he's like, I know your feet hurt. And I'm like, no, they don't. I'm fine. Meanwhile, I'm like. I'm dying. I'm dying. There's like blood already, like all over my shoes.

Your bones feel like they're breaking. Yeah. And, and he's like, this is ridiculous. And he goes to one of those Disney stores and buys me flip flops, you know? And I was just like really grateful. But in the Modern Family episode, she's like, I'm fine, I'm fine. But she wasn't. And he buys her Donald Duck, uh, yellow slippers.

And she puts them on and she's like, Oh, I can't walk around the, you know, in her, in her Colombian accent. And she's like, Jay, I cannot walk around the park looking like this. What is this? What is this, Jay? And then she puts them on and she goes, Oh my God, it's like a cloud from the heaven to the sky. Jay, I love you.

I love you, Jay. You know, and I see that episode and I'm like, I feel like there's so much more. So many episodes of that show that resonate with my, my real life. Is there a show that you feel that way? I mean, not, not so much that resonate, not one specific show that resonates with my life, but a lot of them, you know, I think it's fun to see shows.

Um, that do a little comical things like that with husband and wife, even like when I'm on Instagram and I see little reels and joke things, it's like, you're like, I'm not alone. This really, this really is like how, you know, most men and women in marriages are, you know, but I mean, I love Lucy was always one that, that was funny to me.

You know, the, uh, sarcasm, the bickering that they did, that's actually my best friend's favorite show, but, um, it's, it's really cute, you know, like, it's just funny seeing those things. Thank you. because there was also like a Cuban background. Yes. Yeah, there was a little, yeah, he had the accent as well. Yeah.

It's just so cute. And Lucy was always fun, you know, mischievous, always like, you know, doing something crazy. I mean, when I see Que Pasa USA, Oh my God, that's literally my mother in law and father in law. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That whole show. And I love that show. That's legit. My mother in law and father in law.

And that's what I've been living with for almost 27 years. And the love that they understand. They came from another country. They're now living in Florida. They're raising their kids in another country and the bickering and the fighting, it's just amazing. It's the most perfect quintessential show, and that's why I asked you if you resonated it because of Cuba.

Oh, 100%. 100%. And even the grandparents are there. My, my grandmother always lived with me. Always lived with me growing up. Yeah. Do you remember the episode where the grandmother was wearing those t shirts that were like drug related? No, I don't remember that one. She had two fried eggs on her boobs and they said, fry, fry these.

Fry these? She didn't know. She didn't know. She didn't know. She didn't know. My mom doesn't wear t shirts like that, but she does wear these like, you know, young t shirts with like cartoons on it. And I'm like, what are you wearing? That's cute. Hilarious. She just kind of walks around with them. And I'm like, okay.

They don't say, I mean, if they said something weird, I would tell her like not to wear it anymore. But I'm like, this is so funny. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, there was another episode on Modern Family where, um, Jay was working on the roof and Sofia Vergara's character. What was her name on that show again? Oh my god, I know the name.

Well, it doesn't matter. I can't remember. Gloria. So Gloria comes out. She's like, Jay! Jay! And he goes, I'm up here. And she looks up and she goes, oh my god, you've been taken to school. I remember that. He goes, I'm on the roof. And she goes, ah, okay. And Jay leaves. That happened to me. I went outside and I'm like, babe, babe, he goes, I'm up here.

And all I see is the clouds. And I was like, where? Oh my God. And I was like, oh, OK, OK. Do you want a sandwich? Like I'm telling you, like there's so many, so many episodes like that. And, uh, yeah, it's just, it means a lot to me, that show. There's so many episodes, but I, I, I love that show too. Me too. It's a good show.

Good show. Yeah. And I love Phil. Phil cracks me up for some reason. Phil and Claire. I mean, I love Jay too. Oh my gosh. I love them all. But Phil cracks me up because he's just like. His character. Yes. He's just like, and then Claire's always like, Phil. She's like so aggravated with him. Did you see the episode where his wife and his two daughters, uh, periods all sing?

Yes. Oh no. He's like, Oh my God, it's happened. It happened. And they're all crying. That's going to be my husband because it's me and two girls. The episode of, um, of the animals, they're trying to get people to donate. Yes. Yes. I feel like I've seen that one. They're all crying. Doesn't everybody cry? Yes.

Right? I mean, that, that song and then showing animals in pain. And they're all like, Oh my God, that was me and my kitty cat. In the arms of an angel. You're okay, kitty. You're okay. Okay, pussy.

What about you, Jessi? I'm just thinking about everything that you guys are talking about. No shows in particular? You know what? It happened to me the other day. Honestly, I was I came across Sex and the City part two. I'm more of a part one, but I honestly really Didn't think about part two until I was watching it and I was like, oh my god This is like what I'm going through right now.

What do you mean the movie? Yes, sex in the city part two Samantha's going through menopause and she's trying to keep her sexy on and then there was a scene between like Miranda and Charlotte They're both married and they have kids and there's a scene where they go. They're going there in Dubai I think it is Um, and they're sharing drinks and they're like confessing to each other, like the hardships of being a mom and like she's telling her, Hey, take a sip.

And she's, you know, Miranda's like the one trying to, um, like they're both trying to keep it together, but they're confessing to each other, like, Oh my God, you know what? It's really tough being married yet. You know what? Do you guys mind if I play actually a clip from it? Yeah, play it. All right. Cause I heard this and I was like, Oh shit, this is me.

You're driving me crazy. I have been watching you for months. I don't know how you're doing it. Sometimes I go in the other room and I close the door. And I just let her scream. Isn't that awful? No, that's survival. Take a sip.

And can I tell you something else? I feel guilty. I feel so guilty because all I ever prayed for was to have a family and now I have these two beautiful girls. And? They're driving me crazy. Being a mother is hard. Oh my God, it is so hard. Take a sip. Take a sip, girl. Take a sip. Mira, en salud. En salud to us.

Cheers. We can all relate to that. Oh man, that just brought back a lot of memories. Jessica, you remember years ago, I confided in you about My mom and dad dying. Oh. Oh. Something that I always felt ashamed about. Again, I was a young mom, you know, that's not an excuse. It's not an excuse, but I, I was, I was overwhelmed.

I know what you're going to say. Yeah, I don't, I can't even believe I'm going to say this on a podcast, but here goes. Uh, I already had my second daughter. She was a little colicky, a little bit, not too much. But no matter what I did, she just wouldn't stop crying. And I'm in the rocking chair. My husband's working.

And, um, I, I just was like rocking her and she wouldn't stop. And, um, honestly, you guys, this is awful. What I'm about to say is one of my deepest, darkest secrets. But I just felt like, like, I just wanted to give up, give up being a mom. Just leave her there, get in my car and drive away. I, I just wanted to not be there.

And I ran down the stairs. And I ran outside and I left her crying. I left her crying in the crib. And I went outside and I cried by myself. I, I was outside. It seemed like an eternity. But it was, in reality, probably like five or six minutes. You know? But in my, but it felt like an eternity. You know, and I, I walk back into the house and she's still crying.

So imagine, and I run up the stairs like, like I'm frantic, you know, and I pick her up and I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm like, I cannot make it through this show. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We've all been there. Yeah, we've all been there. And I'm like, I love you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

And I just. Like, I think, oh my God, I'm not gonna make it. And I think about those times and I'm like, man, I was just trying to figure it out. You were surviving. You were just getting through it. I was just trying to figure it out. And I had a husband. Imagine single mothers. Yeah, I know. I know. But you know what?

That doesn't lessen the pain. What you went through, because what happens to me is sometimes I think like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna say that because you know, there's so, there's single moms that are doing that. There's, I've wanted kids. That's why when, oh my God, when Charlotte said that, I was like, that just hit home because I've had so many breakdowns and I'm like, I'm like, these guys are driving me crazy.

And I'm just, so to put things in perspective, I'm going through the toddler stage. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. While going through perimenopause, it's like a whole other mad animal. I don't, you know, I, I think too, when people are like, Oh, like how you said, single mothers and stuff, it doesn't take away from that or anything, but at the day, your feelings are valid.

You're going through something. You're in that moment, you're that. I do feel guilty though, because I, people are single mothers Transcribed by https: otter. ai

And a single mother is in a different league. Oh, absolutely. Um, so I do always feel a little like shame, like I have support. I get it. I have support. But that doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. Right. And it doesn't mean that what you're going through is not real. You're still a mother at the end of the day.

I just felt like I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. It was new. But the good thing, but the good thing is exactly. Uh, most mothers are going through that journey just like that. The babies are learning you just as much as you're learning them. Exactly. Nobody has a manual. I was just gonna say, at the end of the day, when it comes to children, love, marriage, all of that, at the end of the day, we don't, nobody, if you say that you have all the fucking answers.

No. You're fucking lying. You're lying. Because at the end of the day, nobody has a fucking answer. Nobody has a right. Because every child's different. Whatever works for you, works for you. We're all different. Yeah. But what I do love, and what I even love about this group, and Jasmine, you sharing that with me, and Marissa, you shared so many things.

It makes me feel like. I'm not crazy, and I'm not alone, and I'm not a bad mom, I'm just a good mom having a tough moment. That's right. And to me, we're all trying to figure it out, every single day. I loved that vulnerability when you shared because I've had those moments where I'm like, I need to get in my car and I need to drive, or it's my husband, he comes at a wrong time asking me questions about, babe, we got to figure this, this, this out.

I'm like. No, it's not happening. Ask me in another moment, because I, I got to get it together right now. I've had to have my moments and like walk away when the kids were little. I remember going into my walk in closet and calling my best friend and being like, I'm losing my shit right now. I don't know what to do.

I don't know why I'm, you know, Feeling this way, the girls are driving me crazy. It's just like, you know, you go, you go through it and you go through it, you dust yourself off and you get back out there and you deal with the shit. And they say that the best thing to do when you are having that moment is to walk away.

Walk away. Yes. Because all you need to do is regroup for a moment. You need to just stop the chaos. Step away from that scene. Yeah. And then go back and look at you ran right back in there. You were like, Oh my God, baby. I love you. I'm so sorry. I love you. Because you're only human and at the day, you adore your child, know, and I, and I appreciate that.

And, and I think that when you are a younger person and you're, uh, you know, married with the kids and stuff. It's a lot. It's a lot. It is a lot. It's not an excuse, but, but I will say that not, not giving myself a hall pass, but also like growing up with them has been a privilege. And, uh, you know, You know, I've, I think the reward has been, because now my daughters are significantly older and they'll say things to me that just kill me.

They'll be like, mom, like I, like all the things you've done for us, what you are, the morals that you have taught us, how you are with, that you still love daddy and you guys love each other and still hang out, want to be with each other. She goes, mom, like I have so many friends in college and they don't even like, they Their parents are not together.

They like divorce is so common. Um, they, they're like a little messed up along with kids, you know? And she's like, thank you, mom. You know, so now like I'm almost 50, 50 years old and I'm like, okay, that's the reward. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. That's a reward. I mean, when my first son, I hit postpartum hard. Yeah.

hard. My husband didn't know what to do with me. Yeah. But, and like you're saying, I mean, I remember my, for my son going to elementary school and hearing about, it's just the things that they hear in school. Um, What I was happy about is that he was able to come home and talk to me about it. But just the things that they hear in school, that's why we say it's just communicating, planting seeds, even though you don't think, maybe you don't think that they're working, but it is.

I'm like a big believer of planting seeds, like whatever. I agree with you. Because I remember him coming home and telling me about his friends, telling him about, you know, how mommies always leave. And I'm like, what? I'm like, what are you talking about? Mommy ain't going nowhere. You know what I mean? It's just a lot of things.

I mean, it's hard because you can't control what they hear in school. Right. But for them to be able to come home and talk to you about it. That's the part. That's yeah, that's the big part. Yeah. Your kids should have a safe place. Right. To communicate their feelings. Yeah. It's wonderful that you can be that for him for your for your kids.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'm sure they don't talk to me about it. Oh, well, yeah, no. But. But I've had some good, deep conversations with them. Yeah. And that's a blessing. Absolutely. Sometimes I'm like, I don't even know what to fucking say. I mean, I call my husband and I'm like, oh, you know, trying to, you know, when they were younger.

Oh God, it was just hilarious. Just to have those funny moments. 'cause sometimes I'm like, what? What's the correct term? Right. Right. I don't want to talk to them like how I would talk to my friend . Right, right, right, right. You wanna tell them the correct thing. You don't wanna say the wrong thing and use the right words,

Yeah. But it, it, it, just thinking back, it was funny. Yeah. You have two boys, so I, you know what I mean? Like, I think, listen, my son, and I'm like, oh my goodness. I have some funny conversations about what they hear in school and what they bring back home. Yeah. And, and, and they're asking you these questions.

It's, it's like, oh my God. Like. These are things that you're talking about in school? Yeah, because boys have different conversation than girls do. So I can only imagine like the little things that come back. I mean, I have both worlds because I have a daughter too. So, but the, the boys, uh. Interesting already.

Yeah, you see. I think one of the things that I, I learned to do is for certain subjects, I always have been the more controlling parent. Yeah. I'm the one that the girls come to. Me too. Mommy, mommy, mommy. Yeah, they come to me. But for certain subjects. Or certain things, I'll be like, you need to talk to your dad about that.

Okay. Or talk to your dad or, and I do that too. So they will bond with him. Right. Too us the time. Mm-hmm . Yeah. And hear a different perspective, a male perspective. I do that with my son. Mm-hmm . I think a male perspective. I do that too. Even with them with now in a young woman's life. Absolutely. Yeah.

Hopefully, you know, it's a, it's a different way of thinking. It is. And one of my daughters was like, no, I'm going to talk to dad about this. Yeah. You know, and I like that. It doesn't hurt my feelings. No. It's the total opposite. I'm like, I do. I love it. I'm glad that relationship. Yeah. You know, because sometimes that particular subject, like she wants to start her own business.

Um, she talks to her dad about like, uh, finances or like, uh, Making choices like to buy a home. Like she's like, you know, a little head. Right. These are the type. And she's like, mom, I'm going to talk to dad about that. And I'm like, yeah, go right. No, no, no. Yeah. I support that. I support it. And I like that. I like that, that, that they have that option.

Right. Because I didn't, I didn't have that option. I didn't grow up with a male figure. So that impacted me and I'm glad that I was able to break that cycle and give that to my daughters. Absolutely. And when I was overwhelmed and I could have given up, I didn't. So I give myself kudos for that. That's right.

That's right. It's beautiful. I do the same thing. I like that. for them to have that male perspective as well. That's great. I mean, look, growing up in a marriage is tough. It's tough for both, for both parties, but I'm glad that I was able to reflect on the good things that I brought into the marriage and the bad things.

Right. And try and change to make things better. It's a lot of give and take, a lot of patience, a lot of love, stubbornness, friendship. There's no secret. But I think when you have two people who truly do like each other, care about each other, and want, and have, I'm going to, I'm just going to come out and say it, and have the same morals.

Oh, that's so important. Because morality, and I'm not, I'm excluding religion from that. Yeah. I know what you mean. I'm talking about morality. Yes. Like the same moral compass. Moral compass. That's a huge thing. That is huge. For sure. Yeah. For sure. I had to do a lot of learning. I'm just, you're saying, well, not in the morals aspect, but you know, me and my husband, we're not both Latinos.

So we come from different races, different backgrounds. So I had to learn a lot about his background, his culture and his growing up. You know, the interracial relationship. Right. Um, not easy because I was also a young wife. So that was another thing that I had to get used to is learning his culture. You know, just accepting it, his growing up, his upbringing was different than mine.

So a lot of things changed in that. But, um, It's difficult, especially when you're a young wife. Yeah, I was a young wife. When you're a young wife, young mother, learning, you know, him accepting you, you accepting him, and the different backgrounds. Oh yeah, Latinos are not easy. No. Latinos, like, I don't want to put us all in one melting pot.

No, yeah. You know, I'm, I'm Latina, but I'm not Cuban. Yeah. My husband's Cuban. Okay. I'm half Ecuadorian, half Colombian. My husband is fully Cuban. And I got into that Cuban family. Holy shit. That is, you know, that's a different ballgame. Illegal. Yeah. Even though it's still Latino, but it's still different.

Yeah, I got you. Now I'm like, I think I'm Cuban. I think you're Cuban. I think I'm Cuban. Yeah. I scream at everyone. Um. With love, right? You know, but, um, but yeah, it's, but when the love is there and you want to make it work, you know, you make it work. Listen, I listened to a podcast today. I think I was telling you about it.

Um, I'm a big fan of Mel Robbins and I listened to a podcast of hers today. She was asking her parents of 56 years, what they think has made them go the distance. And her father was referencing being on a boat. And he says, it's like sailing. Sometimes it's smooth and sometimes it's rough, but you have to be prepared for the storm.

He says, you just got to be ready for the ups and downs and realize that there's two sides to every story. Your opinion may not always be the correct one, but it's always like a give and take. And I think even though, like, after all we have said, it is kind of the same thing. Like, we're on the same boat and we're all rowing.

Um, she gets into it. She, she actually had this podcast with her husband. Did you hear it? It was a really good one. He, her husband got really emotional, um, telling a story, but, um, when I see men cry, I cry cause women cry, but when men cry, when men cry that shit, but I think that the, both of them throughout the podcast kind of stayed on that analogy of being on the boat and rowing together.

And, um, you know, sometimes you pass the baton, right? You know, sometimes you're rowing better than I am. Yeah, that's true. Sometimes I'm not rowing and you are, you know, but you guys still stay on the boat together and make it work. And so she was saying that sometimes there are times and, you know, different people, depending on what you're going through, that people kind of, she's admitted that she has gotten off that boat.

And she's complained to her friend, you know, her friends and judged her husband about certain things that maybe they have gotten into or things that were going on. And she realized that she wasn't on that boat anymore. She was outside of the boat judging him from the outside. And she was saying that that was her mistake, you know, because in order to make things work, you guys have to stay on the boat together and row and keep rowing.

That's beautiful. And, and, and, you know, you may be rowing. Better than I am. And I may fall behind. You may want to push me off the boat. And you may want to push me off the boat. Exactly. Because they talk about that. And it's beautiful because you guys kind of talked before me. You know, I wanted to share this, what I heard today.

And it's, we're all on the fucking boat. Yeah. We're all on the fucking boat. She was saying, yeah, no matter what goes on, you stay on the boat because that's what you have to ask yourself at the end of the day when things get bad. Bad. Am I getting off the boat? Yeah. Are you on the boat? Right. Are you still on the boat?

Yes. Yeah. That's all that matters. So yeah, so then that, that's a great analogy. There have been awesome. It was beautiful. Absolutely. Yeah. There have, and now I'm being even, oh my God. I'm like oversharing cheese. Louise . Sorry, there. There have been many times. in my marriage in my younger years. I always refer to my younger years because those were the harder years for me.

Now we're like, great. Yeah. My younger years were challenges. There were times in my late twenties and early thirties that I know that man loved me more than I loved him. Okay. Period. Point blank. And I was just like, I was, I was, I was on the boat, but I wasn't, I wasn't even holding el palito ese. I was just sitting there.

But you were on the boat. He was the one doing all the rowing, all the steering, like, we're going to go here, like, and I'm just, I'm like, whatever. But I'm, I'm in the boat, but I don't, I wasn't doing. Shit. Okay. I'm telling you, that's, it got that bad for me. I feel like you, like, you reminded me, Maritza, of, um, of, I think her name is Brené Brown.

She uses an analogy all the time, like, with her and her husband, and she'll say, did I say her name right? Yeah. Yes, Brené Brown. She uses something, like a tool with her and her husband, she's like, babe, today, I'm only 20%. Yeah. And her husband be like, okay. Okay. So I'll be 80%. Yeah. And they utilize that tool.

And there was something about when she would say that, that I'm like, Oh my God, that's, that's good. That's good. That's kind of like what I was saying. Like today I just can't do it. And that's like basically me saying today I'm only 20%. Like, that's why I was like, tell me what you need me to do. I'll do what I need.

And then that's it. But I think that's great because that reminds me also of the boat. Because it's like, Hey, I may not be rolling right now and I may not be rolling to like my, my fullest. So I'm just going to try, I'm going to only roll right now, 30%. So help me out because I think that that's true. Like in a marriage, you're not, I'm not with the whole 50 50.

No, you're not. Oh, you're not. You're not always going to be like the whole balance thing. I don't believe in the balance theory. Like, yeah, yeah, it's 50 50 is bullshit. Like because there's days where I'm like, I'm just barely making it. Yeah. And then my husband's like holding it down. And then there's vice versa.

My husband comes in, I'm like, all right, babe, like what's going on? You know, I have to be like, OK, everything else didn't matter for a second, you know, but that That really resonated with me. So that's a beautiful. And I think with the friendship, I'm sorry. No, no, that's OK. I think with the friendship, too, with the boat analogy, I think with the friendship, too, is like when you guys know each other, you know when to step in as a friend.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I agree. I think that the whole relate, like everything with the boat and everything to me, the key things are like, there's no, like we said, manual, there's nothing, but it's really about friendship, respect, communication and like, just end goal because it's like, no one's getting off the boat.

I'm not going to let my friend drown. My husband's my friend, you know, we're a team on the boat. I don't want to throw in together because we're both trying to get to a destination. And it's like, yeah, but what are you doing? Babe, put the roll down. I got a two hundred and fifty power horse engine in the back.

I got you. Let's go with you and me. Let's do this. There you go. I feel like you're still together. You're still on the same boat. Yeah, that's right. You're on the same boat. Her husband. Oh my God, like you share, you have to listen to this podcast. Okay. It's a great one. Okay. But he gets emotional. I guess I just, it, to me, it's nice to hear the male's perspective, but I guess he recalls a moment in their time where they were rowing.

They were on the boat, but they were on different boats. And, um, he was just going through a time in his life and she was the breadwinner at the moment. Okay. Okay. And that's hard. Yeah. And that's hard. Right. Right. So he was taking care of home, you know, doing all the things that he felt like he needed to do at home, crossing all the T's, dotting all the I's.

Um, she was away from home. She was traveling a lot. And, um, even though he was doing everything right at home, he said that he felt like there was just still something that he wasn't doing. He wasn't doing right. And she admitted later on in the, in the podcast that, um, you know, she was away from home a lot.

She felt lonely. She felt like she wasn't missed. She felt like she wasn't being thought of. And I think he, in his perspective, he was like, you know, I was trying to, you know, Do what I needed to do. I was trying to, you know, keep everything in order down at the house, you know, keep it down and all that stuff.

But at the end of the day, he didn't think about the small things, you know, the small minor thing that maybe would have told her that he was actually thinking of her. You know, I mean, yeah, the norm, right? You know, you got the kids in line. I mean, they're doing their homework. You got dinner. You know, everything's set up.

The house is clean. But just, you know, those are just things that we do. Right. It's repetition. It's just like, you know, that's what you have to do. But it was a small, minor thing that I guess he said that he didn't think of at the time. Like, so for granted. To make her feel missed. To make her feel missed, to make her feel thought of.

Right. And it was really minor. Um, it was, he said he should have bought her flowers. He forgot how much she loved flowers. Yeah. Little things. Yeah. So in his mind, he said, I forgot to do that. When she told her side of the story, because there's two sides to every story, right? Um, when she, said her side of the story.

She said it really wasn't about the flowers, buying me flowers. I mean, she used to grow her own flowers and all that stuff. And she said, but before she left on her trip for her, her work trip, you know, she cut fresh flowers from her garden and she put them in a vase and, you know, she left. Well, when she came back, her flowers were dead.

And she noticed. And I guess for her, it wasn't like so much about buying her flowers. It was just, I guess she felt like the representation of the flowers being dead. And then maybe he didn't replace them or maybe buy her new ones or whatever it may be. It just made her feel like he didn't consider her.

He didn't think about her. I mean, I mean, some people might think, oh, well, that's kind of like. You know, why would you think of, but I guess for her, you know, everybody's different. It could be anything for anybody, right? For her, it was flowers. She loves flowers, but she just felt like she wasn't missed while she was gone.

And she felt like, you know, they didn't think of me, you know, I was busy. I was, you know, doing my thing. I was working. I was making money, but I wasn't thought of. Yeah. Even like maybe he could have gone grocery shopping and brought a couple of her favorite things. So when she got home, they were there.

Right. Yeah. Mm hmm. Like, one thing that always makes me happy is whatever it is to you. Yeah. Guess that's what she would say. Ever ask my husband to buy me creamer? Never ever, ever. I never run out because he always replaces it for me. Yeah. And there's this, Monica has the same creamer as me. There's, we have, we love the same, there's this little thing about when I open the fridge and I see another bottle of creamer next to the other one because it's there before the.

Old one runs out. Yeah. And it just makes me smile every more. It's the stupidest thing. It makes me smile so much. It's not the stupidest thing. No, it's not the stupidest thing. It's the simple things. Let's rephrase that. And I've told him, yeah, I told him how much I appreciate it. I'm like, baby, you don't know how happy it makes me feel every time I see my creamers there right before my Okay.

old one runs out, like, cause he just knows I love it. And then when he calls me sometimes, he'll be like, do you need anything from the store? I'm like, no, I can't think. He's like, do you need creamer? I'm like, yes, I need creamer. Because it's like my, I drink my matcha in the morning. So he knows that's my thing.

That's your thing. And it's like the littlest things, you know, so it could be something like that. Like I could have came back from a trip and there was no creamer and I'd be like, he didn't think of me. There was no creamer. And he doesn't buy me. Like, well, he knows which ones I like, right? And they're like the, the, the natural ones, the bear ones in the green bag.

By the way, they're, they're delicious, but they're kind of pricey. Like out of all the chicken nuggets you can get, those are the most expensive ones. And he'll be like, I bought these cause they were buy two, get one free. And he, He, you know, buy two, get one free and he comes home with three packs and I always have my chicken nuggets.

Right. So Deibys. It's those little things. It's the little things. It's those little things. And I'm like, man, you guys don't know how, like those things add up. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. That brings me back to my show. I mean, I was going to, you guys had brought up some of your shows, but my, I, I can relate to fucking Kitty in that 70s show.

I'm sorry. I love that 70s show. I love humor. Yes. Yes. And even though. The shit that comes out of her mouth. I'm like, girl, I am with you on that. Like, she's funny. She is hilarious and she's funny. And the one episode that I'm thinking of is when everybody forgets her birthday. Okay? And the funny thing is that Donna remembers her birthday and, um, I can't remember the other kid.

The one with the, yeah, yeah. Always wearing the glasses. He, he walks in the morning, he remembers her birthday, he gives her a gift. It was really something silly, but she was like so happy about it. And he leaves and then her husband and her son walk into the kitchen. Forget her birthday. She's there cooking them, uh, manwiches.

And they're just kind of like. You know, her husband's like, Oh, you know, by the way, I let, I, I, I didn't forget. And she's looking at him like, Oh my God, he remembered my birthday. And he's like, Oh, I left the check for the plumber. And she's like, what? Like, it's just routine stuff throughout the day where they, she just doesn't feel acknowledged.

And she gets really frustrated. It's very humorous. I mean, I mean, in a humorous way. Yeah, but there's a message. where they completely forget her birthday. And then she storms out of the kitchen because she's really upset because they're just being real ungrateful, you know, and later on they, her husband realizes, um, that they forgot her birthday and they come up to the room and they try to gift her these items that exist already.

And I mean, it was really stupid, whatever they found, and she realizes that they really forgot her birthday. Um, so when they realized they really fucked up, you know, um, Red, her husband, he's like, he tells Eric, Eric is, Eric is the son. Yeah. He tells Eric, he's like, we're going to have to do something that we have been trying not to do all these years, right?

You know, we're going to have to do it now. We're going to have to do it because we fucked up. And I was like, no. He said, yep. We're going to have to take her square dancing and they go take her out square dancing. And she is having a time of her life. She is like, you know, and the episode is so funny because she is just cheesing and she's like with her dress and having a great time.

And I like a line dancing. Yes, yes, yes. OK, and they're like doing the the square, you know, the the sun and the. The, his girlfriend they're doing right, right. Yeah. They're doing the thing and you see them with these serious faces. They're like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm here. . They stuck it up, kind love her.

They did it for her. Right? And then at the end of, at the end of all that, you know, finally, you know, she had the time of her life and, you know, whatever. They gave her what she wanted. They're like, fine, you know, and everybody danced. It was, it was. cute. At the end, they gave her, they gifted her a mug. The husband and the wife and the son gifted her a mug and it said the world's tootinest mom.

It was just a mug that said that. And she was so happy with it. Like I said, it's a simple thing. Yes. Yes. So man, if you're listening, it's the simple thing we appreciate. She was like, I am going to come home. Let's go home and I'm gonna make everybody hot fudge sundaes. And they were like, yes. You know, it was so cute.

Well, what exactly you, the simple things always end up. It is the big thing, right? Because to me, like, you know, just watching that episode, I was like, bro, like life gets so chaotic and we get so caught up in our routine. And I think with any kind of relationship, it's the simplest things that can make a world of difference to somebody.

That's right. Not only in marriage and any kind of relationship. Mm-hmm . So some of the nice gestures and how we feel, absolutely, you know, and I think no matter how long you've been married, you should flirt. Oh no, for sure. With your husband. You know, it kind of goes back to the, uh, you know, being funny and the joking and the laughing, like you have to flirt, you have to flirt, you have to keep it fun.

You can't stop dating. And listen, don't get me wrong. It's not like me and Dennis are perfect. And it's constantly like that. That, but it's like you can't forget to do those things, right? You have to flirt. You have to keep each other like feeling loved and keep dating each other. And you know, I hear that often, but it's true.

It's true, it's true. You have to, you're absolutely right about that. Yep. And, and at the end of the day, you know, if you're married and you have kids, you like, my mom always told me, like, make sure that you're with someone. that you like your friend because that you can have a good conversation with and that you love because when the kids leave, that's who you're left with.

You know, it's one thing to be together and like we've all had those times with our husbands before we had kids, you know, some haven't had it longer than others. Right. Um, but you've had that time. So you, obviously there was something, you love this person, you enjoy each other. And when you go into those rough times, you got to kind of go back.

When you want to kill them and think, you got to remind yourself why I love this man so much. What, you know, like bring yourself back to that and keep like the flirting and the dating because that the kids leave, you don't want to have to start from square one. You know, you might have to not, you're not going to be at, you know, perfect, but you want to be somewhere where it's like, okay, now we have our time.

Kind of like where you're at Jasmine, you know what I mean? And I want to say sorry to my husband without really saying sorry. I just wear like tropical dresses that are like really tight because I hate that shit. And he likes it? Oh my god. So you're doing it for him? He loves like the feminine flower, like that ultra feminine look.

And I'm like, I'm all about black pants with a gray shirt, you know, and maybe my hair pulled back with some hoops, you know, um, but he loves that feminine tropical look. And I hate it. I detest, well not detest it, but it's just not my style, you know? But when I know, I'm like, fuck, I got to bring out the tropical dress.

Yeah. Let my hair down, curl it, wear some lip gloss, put a little perfume, and just like, walk across him and be like, hi. And that's, you know, our sexy time. And I have to say, I'm sorry. Well, it's good to make time for each other, because I know like Monica, Maritza, Jasmine, your kids are older. You still have to make time for each other because life still happens.

But like me and Jessica have smaller kids and it takes, it's even harder when you guys can all attest to that because you've had small children, you know. But you have to make it though. We don't have little kids like you do. Believe me, it's still tough. It's tough because you're in a completely different phase.

Yeah. Your whole world went from go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go to now. It's just slowing down again. And what are we now? Right. Because what we were was work, paying bills, school. Who's going to pick them up? Who's going to drop them off? Who's going to go to the meeting? Who's going to go to the teacher? Yeah.

Who's going to you go from like, Not having any time to having so much time. And then you're like, uh, you're learning, right? You're kind of learning each other in another way. That's why, like, when I said that early in the beginning, right, we're learning each other in a whole different way is when that time happened.

No, let me tell you, like for me. We're talking too much. Oh, sorry. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. The highest divorce rate actually is during that time when that phase of your life is over and now it's just you and your partner again and then you're like, Oh, we don't like each other. Oh, we don't have sex. Oh. Cool. I don't even know who the hell you are anymore.

Well, that's why I say it's important to date and flirt because at the end, your children are going to leave and you have this man. So you don't want to be starting from square one. Like, who is this person? You have to find time for each other. You have to, when you have kids, your husband is last and you are last, you know, the kids are first for the most part because their lives take, take over you.

So it's like you and your husband are still in a good place even though you're like left with all this time and you're trying to figure things out, you guys still have that love for each other and you're still, some people literally know that they're waiting for the kids to grow up and then they're leaving each other.

You know, some people really do it for that, you know, but when you really love each other and you know that this time comes and then you're like, okay, what are we going to do now? Like, yeah. You learn each other again. You got to get to know each other again. But if you're kind of flirting and dating and having sex, like you can't not have sex.

Like it's, it's, it's part of marriage. You have to do that. It's a connection. You have to do it. Uh, I've heard of sexless marriages and I don't believe in that. I don't understand that. I don't think you need to be having sex every day or every other day. Like listen, there's health marriages that have sex once a month or twice a month.

Whatever. Listen, it is what it is. But the, you can be extremely intimate without sex. Flirting. Literally. Yeah. Caring about each other. Doing things for each other. Absolutely. So it's like, you have to keep your marriage alive. Yeah. You can't just let it crumble. Well, you made an interesting comment right now.

You said, you know, the spouse comes in last place. I agree and disagree because I, I understand what you meant by that. I do. But I feel like there are certain times where you have to put your spouse before your child in certain circumstances, uh, not obviously there's some that your kids are always going to be first.

Of course. Of course. But there's some where you're going to be like, no, hon, we're not going to do that. Oh yeah. You know, me and daddy have this plan. Oh absolutely. Me and daddy have this plan. We're going to do. Oh mommy, but, but, but. No, no. I hate you. No, no. They don't control my life, but. No, I know. But some, some families will be like, no.

Or some relationships, you know, and that's where you have to draw a little bit of a boundary where you're saying, listen, no, me and daddy or me and mom already had this planned. I'm not going to stop our vacation or our, or our ghetto, our little getaway. Or even our time together. Because you want to do, like, Right.

I think that's healthy for kids to know that and see that, that mommy and daddy, like even, it sounds silly, my kids are three, but I told them, I'm like, okay, you know, uh, we're gonna, we're gonna do this right now. Mommy and daddy are going to go out on a date. We're going to go out to eat. Cause they asked me, they're like, where are we going?

And I'm like, mommy and daddy are going to eat together. Right. That's it. Like when we went out last week, mommy and daddy are going to spend some time together. Oh, okay. Where are you going? You know? Right. And I think that's healthy for kids. I think that's healthy for, for kids to see that. Right. So I, I just would like to add, I really think, you know, another thing that makes marriage work or just the philosophy that I feel that I've always felt for years is like, no one's perfect, right?

So you got to find that person that you can put up and tolerate their imperfections as crazy as it sounds or as blunt as it sounds, because I'm not perfect. My husband's not perfect. But if I can deal with his imperfections. And he can deal with mine is because you truly love that person. Right? I mean, you're, you're dealing with their good, the bad and the ugly and half the time they're imperfections.

Maybe it's something that attracted them to you or you love them for, you know, but, um, in, in, in my opinion, I think men, they want to be needed. So always make your husband feel needed. You know, they need to feel needed. I think that men. Um, are more the type to love physically in order to be able to love emotionally.

I think women are more emotional. So women, I think like attention, like I know I love attention from my husband, you know, and I think we tend to love more emotionally. So then we can in turn love physically, you know, so I think those are good things. And I think it's important to know there's the five love languages.

Yes. So you should know what your love languages are. I'm so glad you brought that up because I said that in the beginning. It's about your love language. It is. So Monica, what are the five love languages? So the five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

Right. Yeah. And everybody has, you can have more than one too. You know, I've like done these little tests. You can have more than one, you can find them online and it's good to know because everybody loves differently. Yeah. So you may have a husband that doesn't, or you or a person that maybe doesn't even want a lot of gifts, but you want your husband to constantly give you words of affirmation or your husband may need that in turn.

acts of service, like, you know, it's, it's, I think it's really important. What was the last one? Physical touch. Physical touch. It's from the book, um, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I like that. I mean, cause I think too, I mean, we go through what we go through, but at the end of the day, there's an energy between you and your spouse.

And you, You and only you know that something's missing. Yes. If it is. Yes. That's, I, yeah. Because you can be taking care of the kids, taking care of the house, taking care of, you know, what, everything can be in order. But if there's not an energy between you and your spouse, there's something else. You feel like that is such a good feeling.

You would feel it. Yeah, and that is a very important, very important aspect of a relationship. Whatever relationship. Marissa, I'm going to just say something. You said something to me many years ago, and I don't know why that always stuck with me. You're like, I'm the thermometer of my home. Aww. I don't know that there was something about that that always resonated.

It's true. You know when there's something, you know, off. She's always full of poetic phrases, I love that. Yes, that always stuck with me. That always has. But being moms and women, I can see that. Even before my kids, like, I'm like, yeah. That's so true. Like, you know, when your kids are off, you know, when there's something going on, even like nothing related to my kids or like even my parents, like I know sisters, you know, two weeks ago, uh, my husband and I went to a really nice restaurant and you know, you had to dress up a little bit and he was getting ready and he just looked really, really nice.

He just looked handsome. And I was like, babe, you look, you look really handsome tonight. You look great. And he just like stopped. And he was like, I do? Like, it was just kinda like, And I was like, yeah, no, you look, you look hot. That's what I said. And then slap his ass. And then he said, I'm staring at my little hottie, right?

My little hottie. He goes, he goes, Oh, you haven't said that to me in a long time. Yeah. It made me feel like shit. Like I, cause you always think about, like, you can't help but think about yourself and like, Yes. All these things and stuff. And he's not the type, he doesn't need words of affirmation. He's not like that.

You know, I think women kind of need it. The attention, right. Need more attention. He's always been like a manly man and stuff like that. But I think when I said that, it made him feel like appreciated and loved. Noticed. Of course. Noticed and loved. Yeah. And he was just walking a different way that time, you know, and, and I just noticed it, you know, and it was some, it was really sweet.

I think as we age, I think that, that makes, that's important. Yes. He may, he may like words of affirmation. Yeah, he may, because he pointed it out to you. Yeah, that's true. And even if he doesn't, you still need, that's flirting to me. That's flirting. I think so too. And I was going to say. They love that shit.

Yeah. Yeah. I tell that to my husband, and I know he likes that. Yes, for sure. I do the same. Yeah. Yeah. I like to tell my husband. It makes it, like, it reminds me of, like, oh, my husband's here, and my husband's sexy, and you know what? And he's going, he's going to work, he's going to work, like, all right. Yeah, but see, for that.

My husband's Cuban, so automatically, the booty's there, you know, so it's a constant tap, so he knows, he knows the power behind that booty. So what is one thing? That you would say is important in a relationship, in marriage, to keep it strong. Just one thing. One. Jessica. Oh, there's so many. I, I'm going to, just because of where I'm at, because to me, it's just the season that I'm in, sense of humor right now is getting me through it.

I can't take life too seriously right now with all the chaos that's in my house, with my circus. Maritza? I would say communication, but right now, I guess if we're talking about seasons, comprehension.

Like you mean, like, understanding? Oh, that's what you meant! Actually hearing the words that are coming out of my mouth. I love you, honey. Comprehension. Mine is, to me, no matter what season, and it does change, I totally agree with that, but to me, no matter what season, respect. Yes. That's a good one. That has to be like the thread line.

Yes. The thread line. To me. Yes. For me, it's friendship. Right now he's my buddy. Yeah. He's my BFF. Like, I'm so happy that we're here. Yeah. He was always my friend. Absolutely. But, I mean, right now he's literally my bud. You know, and I'll tell him a joke and he'll be like, Ha ha ha ha! I love that. Brackalackin Yeah, you know?

And I just, I'm like, Oh, did you think that? Go ahead. Go ahead. You know what? No, I'm just gonna say that I see it. Aw, yes, I see it. He's my bud. You know, and I'm, he should be, and I'm happy. I mean, I've been with him since 1997. Mm. Yeah. A long D since the late do or die? Hundred do die, babe. Would die. Do or die in the 19th century?

No, that would be the 20th. What does it matter? No. The 19th century. No. What about you, Monica? 1997. What about you, Monica? What about you, Monica? Friendship. Aww. Okay, we're there. I'm there. I'm friendship. I see it too. And he makes me fucking laugh all the time. He is. He is hilarious. Yeah. He's so funny. He knows how to get me out of a bad mood.

Aww. Yeah. Aww. But this was a nice podcast. Yes. I'm so glad we did this. I was a little nervous to do this podcast and I ended up over, I was like, I'm not going to say anything. I don't think I'm going to take a step back. And I mean, you're like, because I told my husband. I told you. This is going to be a good one.

Cheers to our husbands. Cheers to our husbands. Take a drink. I love you, baby. Take a sip. Thank you for all your support. And remember, no marriage is perfect. You gotta do what works for you. And you gotta work at it. Absolutely. And be, he's gotta be your best friend. Stay on the boat. Stay on the boat. In the boat, stay in the fucking boat.

Sometimes I wanna swim. You say rocking . Sometimes I wanna swim or it's us. Sometimes I wanna swim. I'm not saying that you gotta roll on the fucking time, but stay on the boat. Sometimes I wanna swim it. I know swim. Listen, I'm a damn good swimmer, but you know what's gonna happen? He's going to send you a life vest and you're going to get out in the fucking boat.

Back in the fucking boat. You should stay on the boat. Okay ladies. Stay on the boat people. You should like slowly like. Alright girls. I love you. I love you. Relax. Stay on the boat to the next episode.

Thank you for listening. Make sure to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. We will be dropping an episode every two weeks. Oh, yeah. No, like seriously. Subscribe now. So just chill to the next episode. Follow us on Insta and TikTok.

Hey, chicas, welcome to Red Lips Real Talk Podcast. I'm Jasmine. I'm Jessica. I'm Monica. I'm Maritza. And I'm Deibys with a Y. Get ready. Somos Latinas from South Florida, bringing you real talk on life, love, and everything in between. Time to get real. Hi, ladies. Hey there. How's everyone doing? Good. Good. Good.

I missed you guys. I know. I missed you guys. I was excited. This is like therapy for me. I have to say. I know it is. You know, Jasmine, you had mentioned that one time, too. It is for me. It is. It's good. I always feel good after I see you guys. Yeah. And I enjoy the time during, too. You know, it's nice. I really appreciate you guys rescheduling our last show because I had that kitty emergency.

Oh, I know. How is your cat doing? No, it's not funny. I'm not laughing. Who's laughing? It's funny, but not funny. No, I really meant to laugh. We were supposed to record that night and I'm like, I'm going to go to the podcast because my cat's almost dead. My pussy cat. Oh, wait, not my pussy. I'm kidding. We hope that's never dead, girl.

Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. No, but seriously, um, she was attacked by two male cats, so I don't know if they were trying to mate with her or she was being territorial, but they jacked her shit up. Aw. Uh, 900 later. Damn. Oh my goodness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. That's But you know, like, your pets become like a huge part of your family and, uh They're part of the family.

I got mad. I love her. And now And she's like Got a fupa. My cat has a fupa, and when she runs, it just sways back and forth. It's a fupa. Yeah. Like a belly? Like a big ass belly. Oh. It's called a fupa. Okay. And I'm like, I never thought I'd spend that much money on a cat with a fupa, but there I am. No, but seriously, like, thank you, ladies, for rescheduling, because it really meant a lot to me.

But yeah, that's it. That pussy's expensive.

You love her. I do. I love her. I take care of her. You always got to take care of that pussy. Anyway, so Monica, what did you do this weekend? I'm glad your kitty's okay. She's fine. I'm going to camp at PG and say kitty. Yeah, I'll keep going. So I'm just going to shut it up. No, I didn't do anything. It's quite weekend.

Quite week. So how you been Jeff? Good, really good. Um, I recently, uh, celebrated, uh, my anniversary with my husband, which was really nice. And, uh, surprisingly, like unexpectedly, I got to celebrate it with a few of you ladies. We get to celebrate Monica's birthday, which was really nice, and we surprised her.

You did. You did not know. Oh, I heard it was beautiful. I unfortunately missed it, but I wanted to be there. We missed you. We missed you. Oh, I missed you guys. I wish I was there, but I heard it was beautiful. Monica, did you love it? I did. I did, it was amazing. We did one of those, uh, candlelight, um, music. Mm hmm.

They did a Dell tribute. It was so nice. Beautiful. It was in a church setting, so even more beautiful. And they had alcohol. Nice. In church. I've heard it's beautiful. I've heard those things are nice. Look at you. In church. And that was actually What was it, wine? No, no. Okay. Alcohol. It was. Yeah, yeah. They had a bar.

Open bar. They had a bar. That's the first thing that caught my eye when I walked in. I was like, okay. At church. It felt wrong, but. Yeah. Why now? I was celebrating, so. Right. So there was a reason. Yeah. Yeah. Wine. Church. Hey. Well, why not? It was really sweet because her husband had been texting us weeks prior, like, make sure you show up on time.

I got your tickets. He treated us to the show, which was really generous of him. And um, He was just like, Oh, are you guys going to stay after and have dinner together as a group? So I just thought it was like really loving. Yeah. And, you know, it was just special. And then she showed up and we were all just standing there and she showed up so late.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Did you miss some of the show or just the late meet up? It was perfect timing. It was perfect timing. Yeah. Because we got to walk in and it started. So that was good. That was good that we walked in before her. So the guy at the door was like, we were telling him we were expecting her and her husband to come.

And then he was saying, oh, what's her name? What's her name? We're like, Monica, you know, she's coming with her husband. And her daughter was like, oh, she's wearing a red shirt. So we said, well, she's wearing a red shirt. He's like, all right, when they come to the door, I'm going to tell them that they came too late.

And I'm not going to let them in. I'm going to just pass with them. Oh, I love that. OK, OK. OK. But she didn't come in a red shirt. I know. So he told the wrong lady. He's like, I wasn't sure. I don't I think he just did it because he wasn't sure. No, it was weird, though, because he looked at us like he wasn't going to let us in.

But then he was like, OK, he opened the door. But then when he saw that, I was like, I was I paused because I was surprised. I saw the mother and I was like, what the fuck is this? Oh, you know, it's exciting. Then he was like, I knew it was her. Like he had this face like, damn it. He was like, you guys told me she was wearing a red shirt.

We were like, whoa. We thought she was wearing a red shirt. She changed last minute. We all know how that is. And she looked gorgeous. She did. She did. Well, to me, I appreciated like that weekend to be honest, cause I don't get a little, my husband and I as far as like, we're concerned cause we're like, we have little kids and you know, so it's like hard for us to be like.

to get some adulting time. So that was like our adulting time. So I, I had so much fun and just be able to like be with other couples. Yeah, it was like intimate. It was like everything just like was perfect. After that, we went out to dinner. It was some good music. But those candlelight shows by Fever really exceeded my expectations because I was beautiful.

I had read some reviews that they. weren't that good. It depends on where it's being posted, the settings and stuff. But and even, even my husband was like, Oh, he was looking forward to going out because it was with our friends and stuff. But he was like, kind of like, Oh, you know, cause when I told him what it was, but afterwards he was like, Whoa, that really exceeded my expectations.

That was beautiful. I would do it again. So I feel like it was in a church too. So the, the acoustics were I think it's incredible being I was going to say, it also depends. There's always going to be somebody that doesn't like it. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, he he was the type of person who thought he wouldn't like it.

Right. And he's like, I would do it again. I love live music. Me too. I love live music. Like if I however, so I was actually looking forward to it. Yeah, it was really beautiful. And, you know, it made me think because like, you know, usually when we go out with with my girlfriends, with you guys, they'll be like, OK, let's go out with your friends, your friends.

But I noticed at dinner he was like, oh, I had such a good time with our friends. You know, and then I, it just, I appreciated that, you know, that he now like, after so many years, he doesn't see my friends as my friends, as our friends. And that's the beautiful thing. Yeah. Yeah. And then we got to, there was like a moment where we got to.

Dance. And I got to dance with my husband. I was like, Oh my God. I told my husband while we're dancing, like, babe, when was the last time we danced? And it was like perfect. It was like the sweetest thing. Like just these little things. Right? It's like the little things that you got to keep that little spark going.

romantic birthday. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Did anybody get looked? Changed it. Just kidding. We're not on video, so we can't see who raised their hand. We can't see who raised, they all raised their hands. I wasn't there, but I still got lucky. Love and marriage, let me tell you. I could talk about this for hours.

Love and marriage. I used to love that show. Me too. It was hilarious. Me too. That was a good one for that time. It was a good one. It really was. I mean, that revolutionized TV. It really did. Just like I Love Lucy, like I Love Lucy revolutionized it. And then like shows like Love and Marry, you know, or Married with Children.

Sorry, that's what we're talking about. Yes, it's Married with Children. Yeah, but the song starts off love and yeah, that's why. There's so many like shows like that, that evolve, right, that evolve and go more with the times. I think that's also a secret in marriage. You know, I was just talking to Maritza about that earlier today about how like successful marriages, most of the time, one of the secrets is.

That you evolve and grow together as a couple. I'm big on that. I've always said like, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm blessed that my marriage, cause I've been with my husband for so long, um, we recently had an anniversary too, 21 years married. And it's that you grow together, you either grow apart or you grow together and we've grown together.

Luckily. You know what I mean? And marriage isn't easy. So. So. Yeah. The, the big thing to me is like the end goal is the same. We have our eye on the same goal and it's that we love each other. You're a team and we're in it to win it. You know what I mean? It's like, I'm not going to give up on you. You're not going to give up on me.

And everybody's going to have good and bad days, but yeah, good and bad months. Good and bad. Yeah. Yeah. And listen, a bad year. There's seasons. I think there's seasons. There's seasons. It doesn't mean your marriage maybe is going bad, but you're life, there's other things that revolve around you that you lean on each other or you're both, you know, struggling with something together or whatever it may be, you know, you're a team.

Like what are the things that like you think get you through those rough times? I think I, to me, everybody has a different love language, but I think it's whatever that person needs. You know what I'm saying? Like if I'm someone that sometimes I want to talk my feelings out and I just need to get everything off my chest and then I want to be left alone.

Yeah. But not left alone where I don't want him there. Now I just want you to hang around me, but you know, don't, don't say much. Yeah. You're like, let me get through this. And when I'm ready, bad way, but just be there, hold me, hang out with me. You know what I'm saying? But it's just like, I just want to like, I'm definitely one of those people that when I'm feeling my emotions, I have to let it out.

If not, it, eats me up and I get worse. Yeah. And my husband's the opposite. If he's upset, and I'm talking about anything in life, not like if I'm upset with him, but he'll help me get through something rough. You know, he's more of that whole hold things in sometimes, you know, and he does open up to me, but he sometimes be like, I just need to be left alone for a minute.

And I'm the one that's like, I need to talk about this now. Right, right, right. You know, Let's talk about it now. Let's talk about it now. Right. So I think it's just understanding each other and knowing what, you know, your partner needs. You know what I mean? Like, And I think too, after that many years, like, you know each other.

We do. But you know what? You're not a mind reader because you still, you still can't work. We were together for so long and so young that we grow. You know, we get older, things change. So it's like at the end of the day, his communication is still strong because you can't just assume what somebody's thinking.

I do know him well. Yes. So you know, the little things to do and he knows how to push buttons and how to poke the bear. Absolutely. But at the day, you can't just assume you still need to talk. You still need to communicate. You still need, even if it's a simple question, like, what do you need? Do you want to talk or do you need me to leave you alone?

You're right. Absolutely. That's it. It's just like, it could be a simple question is that, you know, yeah. Communicate and comprehend too. Yes. And I think it takes a long time to like, get that. Like, it depends too on what you're going through. Like, I have like years with my husband and these are things like I'm constantly reflecting on.

Like I have years that it was just me and my husband. And then now it's like, There's other people, you know, there's other people, the small people and those small people are like, they don't, they're just always there. So that makes things a lot more spicy and interesting. So I've had to, yeah, learning to navigate through that and we're learning who we are now as parents.

And that's like, a whole different ballgame, but I'm actually really grateful that I had those years of not having kids with my husband. And again, it wasn't by choice either. It just happened to be, that's how it was. And uh, so I'm grateful that I had those years with my husband cause we, I got to know me, he got, we got to know each other and now, and obviously too, we're not young having kids.

I don't, I don't have anything to compare it to, which is actually good too. Um, so I only know. What I know from my own experience, so we're parents later in life. So I think that that, you know, has also, it's been very interesting and we've had to really work through like going through like those navigating through those changes.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's interesting because for me it was the opposite. I got married very young. I had children very young and I was very immature in a very adult situation. And my husband is a little older than me. So, he also was divorced and had two children from his first marriage. So by the age of 27, I was still trying to grow up and figure out who I was as a woman.

Had two children of my own, two stepchildren and a mortgage. Yeah, it's a lot. So I felt, I felt extremely overwhelmed with the situation that I was in and I feel that I was doing the best that I could with the experience that I had at that time. But that also affected my marriage because I had a short fuse and I was very angry and I would fight for the most ridiculous things.

But I feel it's because I was overwhelmed and I didn't know how to express myself properly. And I feel grateful that I had a husband who was more mature and was able to say, okay, I know you didn't mean that, or I know you're overwhelmed because if he was similar to my age, perhaps that would have caused us to get a divorce.

And um, I mean, I'm being very vulnerable right now with this, but as I got into my thirties, I was growing and getting more mature, but I was still having these toxic traits. You know, and one day we had a really awful fight. My goodness, it was awful. He left and he got a hotel room. It was bad. It was really bad.

And, um, he called and he was, I don't think he's ever been this angry at me. And I felt bad, you know, and I was like, um, I know, it's okay, it's okay. But I felt bad, you know, and then he called and he was like, you make me feel like shit. You don't know the things that you say to me. You make me feel like shit.

You don't know how much I love you. And I was like, I'm sorry. Aww, don't get emotional. Yeah, I know. But then he was like, um, I'm sorry. But then he was like, I love you so much, but sometimes it's hard being your husband. You know, and I think it was like listening to that, I realized, wow, like, I can hurt him too.

Right. You know, and then he goes, sometimes you give me the silent treatment and you don't talk to me. And that, that hurts me because I, like, you're not talking to me. And like, I need you to just grow up, Jasmine. I need you to grow up and this is real, like this is what I'm telling you is real, you know, and I think that was the first time that I realized, oh, I'm being a child, I'm not expressing myself properly and I think that that's what changed our marriage because he want, he loved me and wanted to make it work, but he was so fucking frustrated and I didn't know how to do the job.

Yeah. So that was the, that was the catalyst to changing our marriage for the better because he wanted, he was still in it. Right. And I was still in it. Yeah. And it was willing to fight. And that, yeah. And you need two people. I didn't mean to get dark. That's not getting dark. That's getting real. That's, um, that's very real.

And Listen, a lot of couples give up and they'll be like, no, F you, I don't love you no more. No, but sometimes you have to have those dirty fights because those 35 you don't know how to communicate sometimes, which you need to find a way to communicate. And sometimes we're angry about things and we don't like how you said you were frustrated.

You didn't know how to express yourself. So you, you let it out in anger. And anytime somebody is that upset and angry all the time, it's because they're really upset about something else and they're filtering it out through that way. You know what I mean? But you, sometimes you have to have those explosive fights and just really let out the truth.

And then. Come out better on the end, you know, as long as you both really love each other and at the end you want to really be together. Those big fights sometimes need to happen. I'm very careful now with not giving silent treatments because I think when you do the silent treatment, you're like, Oh, I'm not going to say anything.

It's better if I just stay quiet, but you don't understand that the other person could be completely oblivious as to why you're even up to that. And they're like, I don't know what I, you haven't spoken to me in two days. And I'm like, and I don't even know why you're mad at me. Right. And he may not even be mad at you.

That's why it's a simple thing of just like, do you need to talk? Or do you need, do you need me to leave you alone? Cause you know, something else is bothering him. You can even ask, listen, I see that you're upset. Is this something I've done? Or are you dealing with something that you want to talk about?

Or do you need to be like, just let me know where I'm at. Because like you say, you don't, you don't know. You're like, okay, like you haven't really talked to me in two days. You're being like this. You'd be, and it could just be that it's work. It's something personal. Something. that you don't want to talk about and you don't even realize that you're being cold about it.

You know? Or as simple like if I know that I need to be left alone, just be like, listen, I had a rough day at work. I don't even want to talk about it. I just, you know, can you just take the kids? I just, you know, let me know what you need me to do. And I just need like the rest of the night to myself, you know, he helped me out a lot when now, I mean now I'm so much older.

This was mostly like in my late twenties and early thirties. That was really tough for me. I joined the gym, like I joined like a CrossFit and then I ended up going to OTF, which is But, um, those are like really intense workouts. And I would go and just let it out at the gym. Yeah, that's good. You finally let your aggression out.

I came back home and I was like, Hey, do you want to talk? And I wasn't, I'm telling you, like, that was another little secret. I think for me, that was, that has been like a tool for me when I feel like I'm almost like bickering for no reason. I'm like, where's this coming from? I just want to like, oh, I'm like irritated.

I've learned like throughout the years, a lot of times, It has nothing to do with my husband, it's that I haven't been consistent or utilize my outlet to just because you're a human being. And if you're taking bronze from a lot, especially like if you're a mom, you know, so you have your kids like now more than ever to me, that's like my vital tool.

And sometimes things start to pile up and I'll just be like, Oh my God, I'm like, I'll have like a breakdown, you know, because it's like, and then I'll reflect back and I'm like, you know what? It's because I didn't do my self care. Right. And I feel like self care is like one of my key things as, um, to help in your marriage, you know, because it's a tool.

And I know that for me now, self care, even though it's so vital for me now more than ever, it's like, I have to have it. It's I find myself fighting for it more because we always put ourselves last. We do. And we, and we're not going to change that. I mean, let's be real. We're not going to change that. We do need to put ourselves first, but we're not.

We need to take care of the house. The kids. You got to make sure you're married. Just good. Keep, you know, call your friends, make sure everybody, but you do have to, you have to go to work. Yeah. You have to, you know, you have to schedule it. Find a way. Yes. You have to schedule it. Yeah. That's why I'm saying like when I get to that point.

And it's also hormones. We'll talk about that in another podcast. Yes. But that's why when I get to that point, I'll be like, listen, babe, I'm just having a day. Like I just need you to do this, do that. I just want to go take a shower and lay in bed, read a book, binge watch. Maybe it's to shave my legs, wash my hair.

I don't know. Whatever it is that I want that I just need to do for myself to make me feel better. You know, I have all this clothes in the room. I just want to be left alone. I'm going to put everything away because the pile of laundry is stressing me out. Whatever it is, you kind of have to pinpoint what is really driving me crazy and what can I do right now to make myself feel better?

Let me tell you, you just, you just hit it right there because hormones, let me tell you, I know that's another podcast, but that's real, it's real, it's real, and I know I'm, I'm sorry to cut you off, but I've told Dennis, I was like, listen, babe, I'm I'm sorry. I'm just in one of those moods where I don't give a fuck.

I was like, I know I'm hurting your feelings right now, but I'm just, I'm going to tell you how it is right now. This is exactly how I'm feeling. This is what's bothering me and I'm sorry I'm being blunt, but yeah, yeah, that's what it is right now. And it's, and then I feel bad because I know, sorry, not sorry, right?

You're like, sorry. Not sorry. Exactly. I'm like, listen, I'm living it. I'm like, normally I bite my tongue and don't tell you, but your, your, your socks right there are really driving me crazy.

But today that shit is really fucking bothering me. Take care of it right now. He doesn't leave his socks anywhere, I just picked something. This is how I knew that man freaking loved me. I was sitting on the couch and I was crying. And he was like, why are you crying? And I was like He goes, are you? He was talking to a five year old.

Not his wife, a five year old. He goes, are you hungry? Are you hungry? And I said yes. Yeah, and he goes, what do you want? I go. No, I don't know. I don't know like like a five year old I don't know what I want. Just forget it. I don't want you. I don't want to eat and he was like Tell me what you want. I'll go get it.

No. No, I don't want it. I don't want anything And I'm watching Under the Tuscan Sun

And I was like, my husband's going to leave me because I'm a crazy bitch. They love us because we're crazy bitches. 20 minutes later, he comes back home with two bags from Publix. And he's like, I got you. I got you some food. It was all of my favorite. Oh, it was chicken tenders, pineapple chunks, Haagen Dazs ice cream.

Oh, it's like all the didn't know what you wanted. So he's not here at all. And vinegar potato chips. random fucking shit that are my favorite food. I love that. And he was like, I just got you a little bit of everything that I know you like. And I was eating pineapple, salt and vinegar, chips, chicken tenders, haagen dazs, ice cream, and white wine.

And then I'm like, life is better again. You know, I love dancing when I love food. And I was like, you know, the food's good when you start like dancing, you're like, you know, and I was like, This fucking man really loves me. You know what? Let's give a shout out to our husband. Yes, because we, I mean, Dennis can be just as amazing.

He always looks out for me. He does little things like he knows my period's coming. He'll just pop up with chocolate. He will. He'll just pop up with chocolate and be like, here, I brought you this. They're like little, you know, they think of us. So thank you to our hubby. You just gave me like a reminder the other day.

Oh my God. Because with kids, it's like, girl, I don't even have the strength sometimes to be like, baby. Why not? You want to get a little, you know, a little sassy tonight. You want to, no, I don't have the fucking strength for that. Like, it's like, babe, a little, let's, let's just spoon and I'm good. Just that, let's just hold me.

Gosh, babe, turn me on. That's just a little thing. So turn me off. We're in the freaking car and my two kids are like, they just, you know, they were just really cranky and shit. And my husband's driving. And I have an Escalade, so I'm in the back. And then one of them's like, Mommy, I want to do Chi Chi. And I'm like, okay, we're almost home.

I'm starving. And I get my kid out of the car and we're in the back, a little, you know, a little port a potty in the back. And he's like peeing in the car and we're driving fast and it's, it started raining and it was like, oh my God, it's everything. I'm like already, I want to go home. Right. And my husband's like, babe, do you want to eat pizza?

And I'm like, all of a sudden, like the sky opened. And I'm like, you just said like the sexiest words to me. I kid you not. I'm like, I'm turned on. We're doing it right now. You better order that fucking pizza. I'm like, babe, you said the word and I'm like, Oh my God, that's cool. I don't know. Who knows what to say.

Oh my God. I'm like, you're getting some tonight. I don't know what, but yeah, I don't know what's in it. Pepperoni on that pizza. What? Listen, with kids, it's like life is so different. It is. It is. I remember that time. Oh my God. I remember those times. Pizza is my sexy word. Listen, pizza is my sexy word. I've seen a lot of like social media jokes where the husband, the wife gets home from work and the husband's washed the dishes and he's made dinner and she's like, Oh my God, I'm so turned on.

Yes. Yes. It's true. For real. For real. It's real. It's real. It's the little things, man. That's the love language. It is. It's like those little things. It really is the little things. My husband in the recent years has started cooking and he's an amazing cook. Yeah. It's true. And, oh, my God, God bless me. You're like, yeah, no, I mean, he's like, I know what tonight's going to end up like.

Yeah, but it's gotten to the point where, you know, because it's every weekend he chooses Sundays, he cooks on Sundays. But when he washes the dishes, what? I know. I know. If you clean up after you cook, hold on. Right, right, right, right. Taking it to another level. Yeah, I'm like, wait a second. But Maritza, you mentioned earlier today about how you're still best friends.

Yes, that's huge. I mentioned the meme, right, because we always see that quote that I was telling her that I kind of understand now. Marry your best friend. Absolutely. For sure. And I, I say, I say that because I think about it and I'm like, you know, I get it now. I mean, because you guys, you know, we get into arguments and you don't always agree or you get on each other nerves, but if you could still maintain that friendship in the, in the midst of that argument, or if you're angry with somebody or whatever it is, I think that's huge.

I think it's huge. You definitely have to be friends. He still calls you and be like, Hey, let me, even though he's upset with you or you're upset with him or he knows you're upset with him. Yeah. But he still calls you and tells you about a certain thing that happened throughout the day. Absolutely. That's a good point.

We didn't think I was going to have the biggest argument. Yeah. You know, you still maintain that little, that friendship. And I, I never thought about it years ago, but now I, Now that I have that, even though I still, you know, we get into our whatever it is, of course, of course, or something happens to me and I want to tell somebody and I call him and I tell him, of course.

And I'm like, that's, that's what it is. Yeah. Or that friendship. Yeah. You still have that connection. Yeah. And I mean, Every marriage has their own thing to make it work, you know, but one thing that I appreciate that my husband does is we really have a lot of respect for each other, especially when it comes to money, right?

So, like, for example, like if we want to buy like little things, we don't tell each other when it's something that's like a big thing. I absolutely would never. Or he would never without talking to me. So he he's really into like barbecuing. Like he's a pit master. I think he's like the best barbecue. But he wanted to buy this Argentinian open fire pit thing, whatever.

And yes, it's expensive. So he called me. He's like, babe, look, I'm thinking about buying this. Yada yada. It's X amount of dollars. What do you think? Listen, he doesn't have to ask me permission. He could buy it. Yeah. And that's it. It's just a simple fact that he even cares. Because you're a team. That's what it goes back to me saying.

You're a team. You build together. That's a great word. You are. And I saw something on social media where this lady bought something really expensive and she was like, my husband didn't want me to buy it, but fuck him. I'm going to buy it anyway. And it's, I do whatever the fuck I want. Like it was like that type of TikTok.

And, um, a lot of people were supportive, like, yeah, girl, do, do your thing. And some other people were kind of like, well, you know, and again, every marriage is different. But see, those are the things that start adding up. Yes. Yeah. Those are the, the, that's chipping away, chipping away. So I think whether it's money, love, intimacy, family dynamics, but there's got to be.

A boundary where you say, it's called respect. It's respect. And my grandmother always said, may she rest in peace. I love her. Miss her so much. She always said, I agree with you. Lose the respect. You lose everything. I agree with you to always respect. And I told him, I said, honey, get it, get it. And he was like, you know what?

I'm going to wait because I know we're planning a trip soon. And you know what? I don't need that right now. Yeah. So let's just say, Wait, so we could really enjoy our trip. It's, and, and those are the little mm-hmm . Those are the little things that make me love him. Yeah. Right. Mm-hmm . But that's a, that's a good marriage in my opinion.

I'm the same way. It's like you're, you're a team. You communicate and listen, I, it's like me buying a dress or buying a book, Monica, and it's like, you know, you call your girlfriend, girl, I don't know, should I do this? I got this going on. But that's your best friend. Your man is your best friend. So it's like he's calling you outta respect 'cause it's both of your money, but also because he's trying to make a decision.

Yeah. So he just was like, I don't know, babe. Should. Do this, do that. You got, you said, babe, it's okay. Listen, he said, you know what? I'm not because we got this vacay. He just wanted to talk to you. Yeah. He wanted to make the decision together, but he also didn't know what to do at the moment. He called his friend, his wife, you know what I'm saying?

That's, that's really what it is. And I think too, like I was just thinking about. the, the point about respect to, I feel like sense of humor is really important. Oh my God. In a marriage. 100%. You have to have that. In life. You have to waste so much. Not just in marriage, but in life. Yes. You have to have that.

Because things just get so intense. Yes. And then, you know, you're also, you, I make mistakes and then I'm like, ah, I messed up, you know, or ah, you know, or I got that wrong or I missed it. I just interpreted that or you know what, I didn't mean to say that so many times, right? And I think like, man, I'm, I'm just so glad like in my marriage, like there's, there's the times where like, I just, I have to crack up and laugh at the shit that sometimes, even that we argue about.

And then we laugh at ourselves. Sometimes we argue laughing. I laugh at myself a lot. Like I'll tell them. I think my sense of humor is one way. So that gets me in trouble. But, um, but you have to, you have to have you do you got to laugh. Yes. Yeah, but I don't like it when he's funnier than me. And that's very dangerous because I've always been the funny one.

Right. But now out of nowhere, Chris Rock. Yeah. Here's the thing. He, he's so funny. He's so funny now. And I'm like, and he's like, da, da, da, da, da, da. And I'm like, where are you getting these? You? Well, you know, you, you taught me and I was like, don't do that shit in front of my friends. I don't like it. And now he goes out.

We went out for, you know, and I hear like all the, all the women were on one side, all the men. I don't even know how that happened, but it always happens like a sixth grade dance. And all of a sudden, yeah, exactly. And all of a sudden I hear the guys quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. And I'm like. And I look and it was there.

It was my man. He was like, I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Oh, you're funny. That's hilarious. You know, I get a little territorial with my jokes. No, but that's a, you are super important. It gets me through. It gets me through man. It gets me through. Sometimes I'm like, Oh my God. And we'll just think about it.

Like, boy, anything with life. Yeah, I agree. My kids like I catch myself, my kids make me laugh, I laugh at myself, sometimes I get pissed off at it. I think my kids, yeah, cause they make me laugh and I'm like alright, I pass this humor on to the children. I love saying that. They make me laugh now. And I'm like okay.

We have the same. And I like being sarcastic. Yeah. Yeah. I was just going to say. So like I see my daughter start doing it and it makes me laugh. Yeah. I love that. Cause you need it in life. It life so seriously. Exactly. You know what I mean? That's exactly it. It's like, cause you can't, you can't. So I like watching TV shows.

Like for example, I like to watch, um, when Modern Family, right? So love Modern Family. So many are. They crack me up. There's so many. So many episodes of Modern Family that I, I literally feel like that's me and my husband, you know, cause we have an age difference. And I met him when I was in my twenties, you know, and I wore the stilettos at Disney World.

And I'm just like, you know, I wasn't wearing stilettos, but I was wearing inappropriate shoes in Disney World. And that episode kills me every time I see it. And he's like, I know your feet hurt. And I'm like, no, they don't. I'm fine. Meanwhile, I'm like. I'm dying. I'm dying. There's like blood already, like all over my shoes.

Your bones feel like they're breaking. Yeah. And, and he's like, this is ridiculous. And he goes to one of those Disney stores and buys me flip flops, you know? And I was just like really grateful. But in the Modern Family episode, she's like, I'm fine, I'm fine. But she wasn't. And he buys her Donald Duck, uh, yellow slippers.

And she puts them on and she's like, Oh, I can't walk around the, you know, in her, in her Colombian accent. And she's like, Jay, I cannot walk around the park looking like this. What is this? What is this, Jay? And then she puts them on and she goes, Oh my God, it's like a cloud from the heaven to the sky. Jay, I love you.

I love you, Jay. You know, and I see that episode and I'm like, I feel like there's so much more. So many episodes of that show that resonate with my, my real life. Is there a show that you feel that way? I mean, not, not so much that resonate, not one specific show that resonates with my life, but a lot of them, you know, I think it's fun to see shows.

Um, that do a little comical things like that with husband and wife, even like when I'm on Instagram and I see little reels and joke things, it's like, you're like, I'm not alone. This really, this really is like how, you know, most men and women in marriages are, you know, but I mean, I love Lucy was always one that, that was funny to me.

You know, the, uh, sarcasm, the bickering that they did, that's actually my best friend's favorite show, but, um, it's, it's really cute, you know, like, it's just funny seeing those things. Thank you. because there was also like a Cuban background. Yes. Yeah, there was a little, yeah, he had the accent as well. Yeah.

It's just so cute. And Lucy was always fun, you know, mischievous, always like, you know, doing something crazy. I mean, when I see Que Pasa USA, Oh my God, that's literally my mother in law and father in law. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That whole show. And I love that show. That's legit. My mother in law and father in law.

And that's what I've been living with for almost 27 years. And the love that they understand. They came from another country. They're now living in Florida. They're raising their kids in another country and the bickering and the fighting, it's just amazing. It's the most perfect quintessential show, and that's why I asked you if you resonated it because of Cuba.

Oh, 100%. 100%. And even the grandparents are there. My, my grandmother always lived with me. Always lived with me growing up. Yeah. Do you remember the episode where the grandmother was wearing those t shirts that were like drug related? No, I don't remember that one. She had two fried eggs on her boobs and they said, fry, fry these.

Fry these? She didn't know. She didn't know. She didn't know. She didn't know. My mom doesn't wear t shirts like that, but she does wear these like, you know, young t shirts with like cartoons on it. And I'm like, what are you wearing? That's cute. Hilarious. She just kind of walks around with them. And I'm like, okay.

They don't say, I mean, if they said something weird, I would tell her like not to wear it anymore. But I'm like, this is so funny. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, there was another episode on Modern Family where, um, Jay was working on the roof and Sofia Vergara's character. What was her name on that show again? Oh my god, I know the name.

Well, it doesn't matter. I can't remember. Gloria. So Gloria comes out. She's like, Jay! Jay! And he goes, I'm up here. And she looks up and she goes, oh my god, you've been taken to school. I remember that. He goes, I'm on the roof. And she goes, ah, okay. And Jay leaves. That happened to me. I went outside and I'm like, babe, babe, he goes, I'm up here.

And all I see is the clouds. And I was like, where? Oh my God. And I was like, oh, OK, OK. Do you want a sandwich? Like I'm telling you, like there's so many, so many episodes like that. And, uh, yeah, it's just, it means a lot to me, that show. There's so many episodes, but I, I, I love that show too. Me too. It's a good show.

Good show. Yeah. And I love Phil. Phil cracks me up for some reason. Phil and Claire. I mean, I love Jay too. Oh my gosh. I love them all. But Phil cracks me up because he's just like. His character. Yes. He's just like, and then Claire's always like, Phil. She's like so aggravated with him. Did you see the episode where his wife and his two daughters, uh, periods all sing?

Yes. Oh no. He's like, Oh my God, it's happened. It happened. And they're all crying. That's going to be my husband because it's me and two girls. The episode of, um, of the animals, they're trying to get people to donate. Yes. Yes. I feel like I've seen that one. They're all crying. Doesn't everybody cry? Yes.

Right? I mean, that, that song and then showing animals in pain. And they're all like, Oh my God, that was me and my kitty cat. In the arms of an angel. You're okay, kitty. You're okay. Okay, pussy.

What about you, Jessi? I'm just thinking about everything that you guys are talking about. No shows in particular? You know what? It happened to me the other day. Honestly, I was I came across Sex and the City part two. I'm more of a part one, but I honestly really Didn't think about part two until I was watching it and I was like, oh my god This is like what I'm going through right now.

What do you mean the movie? Yes, sex in the city part two Samantha's going through menopause and she's trying to keep her sexy on and then there was a scene between like Miranda and Charlotte They're both married and they have kids and there's a scene where they go. They're going there in Dubai I think it is Um, and they're sharing drinks and they're like confessing to each other, like the hardships of being a mom and like she's telling her, Hey, take a sip.

And she's, you know, Miranda's like the one trying to, um, like they're both trying to keep it together, but they're confessing to each other, like, Oh my God, you know what? It's really tough being married yet. You know what? Do you guys mind if I play actually a clip from it? Yeah, play it. All right. Cause I heard this and I was like, Oh shit, this is me.

You're driving me crazy. I have been watching you for months. I don't know how you're doing it. Sometimes I go in the other room and I close the door. And I just let her scream. Isn't that awful? No, that's survival. Take a sip.

And can I tell you something else? I feel guilty. I feel so guilty because all I ever prayed for was to have a family and now I have these two beautiful girls. And? They're driving me crazy. Being a mother is hard. Oh my God, it is so hard. Take a sip. Take a sip, girl. Take a sip. Mira, en salud. En salud to us.

Cheers. We can all relate to that. Oh man, that just brought back a lot of memories. Jessica, you remember years ago, I confided in you about Something that I always felt ashamed about. Again, I was a young mom, you know, that's not an excuse. It's not an excuse, but I, I was, I was overwhelmed. I know what you're going to say.

Yeah, I don't, I can't even believe I'm going to say this on a podcast, but here goes. Uh, I already had my second daughter. She was a little colicky, a little bit, not too much. But no matter what I did, she just wouldn't stop crying. And I'm in the rocking chair. My husband's working. And, um, I, I just was like rocking her and she wouldn't stop.

And, um, honestly, you guys, this is awful. What I'm about to say is one of my deepest, darkest secrets. But I just felt like, like, I just wanted to give up, give up being a mom. Just leave her there, get in my car and drive away. I, I just wanted to not be there. And I ran down the stairs. And I ran outside and I left her crying.

I left her crying in the crib. And I went outside and I cried by myself. I, I was outside. It seemed like an eternity. But it was, in reality, probably like five or six minutes. You know? But in my, but it felt like an eternity. You know, and I, I walk back into the house and she's still crying. So imagine, and I run up the stairs like, like I'm frantic, you know, and I pick her up and I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm like, I cannot make it through this show. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We've all been there. Yeah, we've all been there. And I'm like, I love you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And I just. Like, I think, oh my God, I'm not gonna make it. And I think about those times and I'm like, man, I was just trying to figure it out.

You were surviving. You were just getting through it. I was just trying to figure it out. And I had a husband. Imagine single mothers. Yeah, I know. I know. But you know what? That doesn't lessen the pain. What you went through, because what happens to me is sometimes I think like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna say that because you know, there's so, there's single moms that are doing that.

There's, I've wanted kids. That's why when, oh my God, when Charlotte said that, I was like, that just hit home because I've had so many breakdowns and I'm like, I'm like, these guys are driving me crazy. And I'm just, so to put things in perspective, I'm going through the toddler stage. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

While going through perimenopause, it's like a whole other mad animal. I don't, you know, I, I think too, when people are like, Oh, like how you said, single mothers and stuff, it doesn't take away from that or anything, but at the day, your feelings are valid. You're going through something. You're in that moment, you're that.

I do feel guilty though, because I, people are single mothers Transcribed by https: otter. ai

And a single mother is in a different league. Oh, absolutely. Um, so I do always feel a little like shame, like I have support. I get it. I have support. But that doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid. Right. And it doesn't mean that what you're going through is not real. You're still a mother at the end of the day.

I just felt like I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. It was new. But the good thing, but the good thing is exactly. Uh, most mothers are going through that journey just like that. The babies are learning you just as much as you're learning them. Exactly. Nobody has a manual. I was just gonna say, at the end of the day, when it comes to children, love, marriage, all of that, at the end of the day, we don't, nobody, if you say that you have all the fucking answers.

No. You're fucking lying. You're lying. Because at the end of the day, nobody has a fucking answer. Nobody has a right. Because every child's different. Whatever works for you, works for you. We're all different. Yeah. But what I do love, and what I even love about this group, and Jasmine, you sharing that with me, and Marissa, you shared so many things.

It makes me feel like I'm not crazy, and I'm not alone, and I'm not a bad mom, I'm just a good mom having a tough moment. That's right. And to me, we're all trying to figure it out, every single day. I loved that vulnerability when you shared because I've had those moments where I'm like, I need to get in my car and I need to drive, or it's my husband, he comes at a wrong time asking me questions about, babe, we got to figure this, this, this out.

I'm like. No, it's not happening. Ask me in another moment, because I, I got to get it together right now. I've had to have my moments and like walk away when the kids were little. I remember going into my walk in closet and calling my best friend and being like, I'm losing my shit right now. I don't know what to do.

I don't know why I'm, you know, Feeling this way, the girls are driving me crazy. It's just like, you know, you go, you go through it and you go through it, you dust yourself off and you get back out there and you deal with the shit. And they say that the best thing to do when you are having that moment is to walk away.

Walk away. Yes. Because all you need to do is regroup for a moment. You need to just stop the chaos. Step away from that scene. Yeah. And then go back and look at you ran right back in there. You were like, Oh my God, baby. I love you. I'm so sorry. I love you. Because you're only human and at the day, you adore your child, know, and I, and I appreciate that.

And, and I think that when you are a younger person and you're, uh, you know, married with the kids and stuff. It's a lot. It's a lot. It is a lot. It's not an excuse, but, but I will say that not, not giving myself a hall pass, but also like growing up with them has been a privilege. And, uh, you know, You know, I've, I think the reward has been, because now my daughters are significantly older and they'll say things to me that just kill me.

They'll be like, mom, like I, like all the things you've done for us, what you are, the morals that you have taught us, how you are with, that you still love daddy and you guys love each other and still hang out, want to be with each other. She goes, mom, like I have so many friends in college and they don't even like, they Their parents are not together.

They like divorce is so common. Um, they, they're like a little messed up along with kids, you know? And she's like, thank you, mom. You know, so now like I'm almost 50, 50 years old and I'm like, okay, that's the reward. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. That's a reward. I mean, when my first son, I hit postpartum hard. Yeah.

hard. My husband didn't know what to do with me. Yeah. But, and like you're saying, I mean, I remember my, for my son going to elementary school and hearing about, it's just the things that they hear in school. Um, What I was happy about is that he was able to come home and talk to me about it. But just the things that they hear in school, that's why we say it's just communicating, planting seeds, even though you don't think, maybe you don't think that they're working, but it is.

I'm like a big believer of planting seeds, like whatever. I agree with you. Because I remember him coming home and telling me about his friends, telling him about, you know, how mommies always leave. And I'm like, what? I'm like, what are you talking about? Mommy ain't going nowhere. You know what I mean? It's just a lot of things.

I mean, it's hard because you can't control what they hear in school. Right. But for them to be able to come home and talk to you about it. That's the part. That's yeah, that's the big part. Yeah. Your kids should have a safe place. Right. To communicate their feelings. Yeah. It's wonderful that you can be that for him for your for your kids.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'm sure they don't talk to me about it. Oh, well, yeah, no. But. But I've had some good, deep conversations with them. Yeah. And that's a blessing. Absolutely. Sometimes I'm like, I don't even know what to fucking say. I mean, I call my husband and I'm like, oh, you know, trying to, you know, when they were younger.

Oh God, it was just hilarious. Just to have those funny moments. 'cause sometimes I'm like, what? What's the correct term? Right. Right. I don't want to talk to them like how I would talk to my friend . Right, right, right, right. You wanna tell them the correct thing. You don't wanna say the wrong thing and use the right words,

Yeah. But it, it, it, just thinking back, it was funny. Yeah. You have two boys, so I, you know what I mean? Like, I think, listen, my son, and I'm like, oh my goodness. I have some funny conversations about what they hear in school and what they bring back home. Yeah. And, and, and they're asking you these questions.

It's, it's like, oh my God. Like. These are things that you're talking about in school? Yeah, because boys have different conversation than girls do. So I can only imagine like the little things that come back. I mean, I have both worlds because I have a daughter too. So, but the, the boys, uh. Interesting already.

Yeah, you see. I think one of the things that I, I learned to do is for certain subjects, I always have been the more controlling parent. Yeah. I'm the one that the girls come to. Me too. Mommy, mommy, mommy. Yeah, they come to me. But for certain subjects. Or certain things, I'll be like, you need to talk to your dad about that.

Okay. Or talk to your dad or, and I do that too. So they will bond with him. Right. Too us the time. Mm-hmm . Yeah. And hear a different perspective, a male perspective. I do that with my son. Mm-hmm . I think a male perspective. I do that too. Even with them with now in a young woman's life. Absolutely. Yeah.

Hopefully, you know, it's a, it's a different way of thinking. It is. And one of my daughters was like, no, I'm going to talk to dad about this. Yeah. You know, and I like that. It doesn't hurt my feelings. No. It's the total opposite. I'm like, I do. I love it. I'm glad that relationship. Yeah. You know, because sometimes that particular subject, like she wants to start her own business.

Um, she talks to her dad about like, uh, finances or like, uh, Making choices like to buy a home. Like she's like, you know, a little head. Right. These are the type. And she's like, mom, I'm going to talk to dad about that. And I'm like, yeah, go right ahead. And I like that. I like that, that, that they have that option.

Right. Because I didn't, I didn't have that option. I didn't grow up with a male figure. So that impacted me and I'm glad that I was able to break that cycle and give that to my daughters. Absolutely. And when I was overwhelmed and I could have given up, I didn't. So I give myself kudos for that. That's right.

That's right. It's beautiful. I do the same thing. I like that. for them to have that male perspective as well. That's great. I mean, look, growing up in a marriage is tough. It's tough for both, for both parties, but I'm glad that I was able to reflect on the good things that I brought into the marriage and the bad things.

Right. And try and change to make things better. It's a lot of give and take, a lot of patience, a lot of love, stubbornness, friendship. There's no secret. But I think when you have two people who truly do like each other, care about each other, and want, and have, I'm going to, I'm just going to come out and say it, and have the same morals.

Oh, that's so important. Because morality, and I'm not, I'm excluding religion from that. Yeah. I know what you mean. I'm talking about morality. Yes. Like the same moral compass. Moral compass. That's a huge thing. That is huge. For sure. Yeah. For sure. I had to do a lot of learning. I'm just, you're saying, well, not in the morals aspect, but you know, me and my husband, we're not both Latinos.

So we come from different races, different backgrounds. So I had to learn a lot about his background, his culture and his growing up. You know, the interracial relationship. Right. Um, not easy because I was also a young wife. So that was another thing that I had to get used to is learning his culture. You know, just accepting it, his growing up, his upbringing was different than mine.

So a lot of things changed in that. But, um, It's difficult, especially when you're a young wife. Yeah, I was a young wife. When you're a young wife, young mother, learning, you know, him accepting you, you accepting him, and the different backgrounds. Oh yeah, Latinos are not easy. No. Latinos, like, I don't want to put us all in one melting pot.

No, yeah. You know, I'm, I'm Latina, but I'm not Cuban. Yeah. My husband's Cuban. Okay. I'm half Ecuadorian, half Colombian. My husband is fully Cuban. And I got into that Cuban family. Holy shit. That is, you know, that's a different ballgame. Illegal. Yeah. Even though it's still Latino, but it's still different.

Yeah, I got you. Now I'm like, I think I'm Cuban. I think you're Cuban. I think I'm Cuban. Yeah. I scream at everyone. Um. With love, right? You know, but, um, but yeah, it's, but when the love is there and you want to make it work, you know, you make it work. Listen, I listened to a podcast today. I think I was telling you about it.

Um, I'm a big fan of Mel Robbins and I listened to a podcast of hers today. She was asking her parents of 56 years, what they think has made them go the distance. And her father was referencing being on a boat. And he says, it's like sailing. Sometimes it's smooth and sometimes it's rough, but you have to be prepared for the storm.

He says, you just got to be ready for the ups and downs and realize that there's two sides to every story. Your opinion may not always be the correct one, but it's always like a give and take. And I think even though, like, after all we have said, it is kind of the same thing. Like, we're on the same boat and we're all rowing.

Um, she gets into it. She, she actually had this podcast with her husband. Did you hear it? It was a really good one. He, her husband got really emotional, um, telling a story, but, um, when I see men cry, I cry cause women cry, but when men cry, when men cry that shit, but I think that the, both of them throughout the podcast kind of stayed on that analogy of being on the boat and rowing together.

And, um, you know, sometimes you pass the baton, right? You know, sometimes you're rowing better than I am. Yeah, that's true. Sometimes I'm not rowing and you are, you know, but you guys still stay on the boat together and make it work. And so she was saying that sometimes there are times and, you know, different people, depending on what you're going through, that people kind of, she's admitted that she has gotten off that boat.

And she's complained to her friend, you know, her friends and judged her husband about certain things that maybe they have gotten into or things that were going on. And she realized that she wasn't on that boat anymore. She was outside of the boat judging him from the outside. And she was saying that that was her mistake, you know, because in order to make things work, you guys have to stay on the boat together and row and keep rowing.

That's beautiful. And, and, and, you know, you may be rowing. Better than I am. And I may fall behind. You may want to push me off the boat. And you may want to push me off the boat. Exactly. Because they talk about that. And it's beautiful because you guys kind of talked before me. You know, I wanted to share this, what I heard today.

And it's, we're all on the fucking boat. Yeah. We're all on the fucking boat. She was saying, yeah, no matter what goes on, you stay on the boat because that's what you have to ask yourself at the end of the day when things get bad. Bad. Am I getting off the boat? Yeah. Are you on the boat? Right. Are you still on the boat?

Yes. Yeah. That's all that matters. So yeah, so then that, that's a great analogy. There have been awesome. It was beautiful. Absolutely. Yeah. There have, and now I'm being even, oh my God. I'm like oversharing cheese. Louise . Sorry, there. There have been many times. in my marriage in my younger years. I always refer to my younger years because those were the harder years for me.

Now we're like, great. Yeah. My younger years were challenges. There were times in my late twenties and early thirties that I know that man loved me more than I loved him. Okay. Period. Point blank. And I was just like, I was, I was, I was on the boat, but I wasn't, I wasn't even holding el palito ese. I was just sitting there.

But you were on the boat. He was the one doing all the rowing, all the steering, like, we're going to go here, like, and I'm just, I'm like, whatever. But I'm, I'm in the boat, but I don't, I wasn't doing. Shit. Okay. I'm telling you, that's, it got that bad for me. I feel like you, like, you reminded me, Maritza, of, um, of, I think her name is Brené Brown.

She uses an analogy all the time, like, with her and her husband, and she'll say, did I say her name right? Yeah. Yes, Brené Brown. She uses something, like a tool with her and her husband, she's like, babe, today, I'm only 20%. Yeah. And her husband be like, okay. Okay. So I'll be 80%. Yeah. And they utilize that tool.

And there was something about when she would say that, that I'm like, Oh my God, that's, that's good. That's good. That's kind of like what I was saying. Like today I just can't do it. And that's like basically me saying today I'm only 20%. Like, that's why I was like, tell me what you need me to do. I'll do what I need.

And then that's it. But I think that's great because that reminds me also of the boat. Because it's like, Hey, I may not be rolling right now and I may not be rolling to like my, my fullest. So I'm just going to try, I'm going to only roll right now, 30%. So help me out because I think that that's true. Like in a marriage, you're not, I'm not with the whole 50 50.

No, you're not. Oh, you're not. You're not always going to be like the whole balance thing. I don't believe in the balance theory. Like, yeah, yeah, it's 50 50 is bullshit. Like because there's days where I'm like, I'm just barely making it. Yeah. And then my husband's like holding it down. And then there's vice versa.

My husband comes in, I'm like, all right, babe, like what's going on? You know, I have to be like, OK, everything else didn't matter for a second, you know, but that That really resonated with me. So that's a beautiful. And I think with the friendship, I'm sorry. No, no, that's OK. I think with the friendship, too, with the boat analogy, I think with the friendship, too, is like when you guys know each other, you know when to step in as a friend.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I agree. I think that the whole relate, like everything with the boat and everything to me, the key things are like, there's no, like we said, manual, there's nothing, but it's really about friendship, respect, communication and like, just end goal because it's like, no one's getting off the boat.

I'm not going to let my friend drown. My husband's my friend, you know, we're a team on the boat. I don't want to throw in together because we're both trying to get to a destination. And it's like, yeah, but what are you doing? Babe, put the roll down. I got a two hundred and fifty power horse engine in the back.

I got you. Let's go with you and me. Let's do this. There you go. I feel like you're still together. You're still on the same boat. Yeah, that's right. You're on the same boat. Her husband. Oh my God, like you share, you have to listen to this podcast. Okay. It's a great one. Okay. But he gets emotional. I guess I just, it, to me, it's nice to hear the male's perspective, but I guess he recalls a moment in their time where they were rowing.

They were on the boat, but they were on different boats. And, um, he was just going through a time in his life and she was the breadwinner at the moment. Okay. Okay. And that's hard. Yeah. And that's hard. Right. Right. So he was taking care of home, you know, doing all the things that he felt like he needed to do at home, crossing all the T's, dotting all the I's.

Um, she was away from home. She was traveling a lot. And, um, even though he was doing everything right at home, he said that he felt like there was just still something that he wasn't doing. He wasn't doing right. And she admitted later on in the, in the podcast that, um, you know, she was away from home a lot.

She felt lonely. She felt like she wasn't missed. She felt like she wasn't being thought of. And I think he, in his perspective, he was like, you know, I was trying to, you know, Do what I needed to do. I was trying to, you know, keep everything in order down at the house, you know, keep it down and all that stuff.

But at the end of the day, he didn't think about the small things, you know, the small minor thing that maybe would have told her that he was actually thinking of her. You know, I mean, yeah, the norm, right? You know, you got the kids in line. I mean, they're doing their homework. You got dinner. You know, everything's set up.

The house is clean. But just, you know, those are just things that we do. Right. It's repetition. It's just like, you know, that's what you have to do. But it was a small, minor thing that I guess he said that he didn't think of at the time. Like, so for granted. To make her feel missed. To make her feel missed, to make her feel thought of.

Right. And it was really minor. Um, it was, he said he should have bought her flowers. He forgot how much she loved flowers. Yeah. Little things. Yeah. So in his mind, he said, I forgot to do that. When she told her side of the story, because there's two sides to every story, right? Um, when she, said her side of the story.

She said it really wasn't about the flowers, buying me flowers. I mean, she used to grow her own flowers and all that stuff. And she said, but before she left on her trip for her, her work trip, you know, she cut fresh flowers from her garden and she put them in a vase and, you know, she left. Well, when she came back, her flowers were dead.

And she noticed. And I guess for her, it wasn't like so much about buying her flowers. It was just, I guess she felt like the representation of the flowers being dead. And then maybe he didn't replace them or maybe buy her new ones or whatever it may be. It just made her feel like he didn't consider her.

He didn't think about her. I mean, I mean, some people might think, oh, well, that's kind of like. You know, why would you think of, but I guess for her, you know, everybody's different. It could be anything for anybody, right? For her, it was flowers. She loves flowers, but she just felt like she wasn't missed while she was gone.

And she felt like, you know, they didn't think of me, you know, I was busy. I was, you know, doing my thing. I was working. I was making money, but I wasn't thought of. Yeah. Even like maybe he could have gone grocery shopping and brought a couple of her favorite things. So when she got home, they were there.

Right. Yeah. Mm hmm. Like one thing that always makes me happy is, I never ask my husband to buy me creamer. Never, ever, ever. I never run out because he always replaces it for me. And there's just, Monica has the same creamer as me. There's we have, we love the same. There's this little thing about when I open the fridge and I see another bottle of creamer next to the other one, because it's there before the, the creamer.

Old one runs out. Yeah. And it just makes me smile every more. It's the stupidest thing. It makes me smile so much. It's not the stupidest thing. No, it's not the stupidest thing. It's the simple things. Let's rephrase that. And I've told him, yeah, I told him how much I appreciate it. I'm like, baby, you don't know how happy it makes me feel every time I see my creamers there right before my Okay.

old one runs out, like, cause he just knows I love it. And then when he calls me sometimes, he'll be like, do you need anything from the store? I'm like, no, I can't think. He's like, do you need creamer? I'm like, yes, I need creamer. Because it's like my, I drink my matcha in the morning. So he knows that's my thing.

That's your thing. And it's like the littlest things, you know, so it could be something like that. Like I could have came back from a trip and there was no creamer and I'd be like, he didn't think of me. There was no creamer. And he doesn't buy me. Like, well, he knows which ones I like, right? And they're like the, the, the natural ones, the bear ones in the green bag.

By the way, they're, they're delicious, but they're kind of pricey. Like out of all the chicken nuggets you can get, those are the most expensive ones. And he'll be like, I bought these cause they were buy two, get one free. And he, He, you know, buy two, get one free and he comes home with three packs and I always have my chicken nuggets.

Right. So Deibys. It's those little things. It's the little things. It's those little things. And I'm like, man, you guys don't know how, like those things add up. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. That brings me back to my show. I mean, I was going to, you guys had brought up some of your shows, but my, I, I can relate to fucking Kitty in that 70s show.

I'm sorry. I love that 70s show. I love humor. Yes. Yes. And even though. The shit that comes out of her mouth. I'm like, girl, I am with you on that. Like, she's funny. She is hilarious and she's funny. And the one episode that I'm thinking of is when everybody forgets her birthday. Okay? And the funny thing is that Donna remembers her birthday and, um, I can't remember the other kid.

The one with the, yeah, yeah. Always wearing the glasses. He, he walks in the morning, he remembers her birthday, he gives her a gift. It was really something silly, but she was like so happy about it. And he leaves and then her husband and her son walk into the kitchen. Forget her birthday. She's there cooking them, uh, manwiches.

And they're just kind of like. You know, her husband's like, Oh, you know, by the way, I let, I, I, I didn't forget. And she's looking at him like, Oh my God, he remembered my birthday. And he's like, Oh, I left the check for the plumber. And she's like, what? Like, it's just routine stuff throughout the day where they, she just doesn't feel acknowledged.

And she gets really frustrated. It's very humorous. I mean, I mean, in a humorous way. Yeah, but there's a message. where they completely forget her birthday. And then she storms out of the kitchen because she's really upset because they're just being real ungrateful, you know, and later on they, her husband realizes, um, that they forgot her birthday and they come up to the room and they try to gift her these items that exist already.

And I mean, it was really stupid, whatever they found, and she realizes that they really forgot her birthday. Um, so when they realized they really fucked up, you know, um, Red, her husband, he's like, he tells Eric, Eric is, Eric is the son. Yeah. He tells Eric, he's like, we're going to have to do something that we have been trying not to do all these years, right?

You know, we're going to have to do it now. We're going to have to do it because we fucked up. And I was like, no. He said, yep. We're going to have to take her square dancing and they go take her out square dancing. And she is having a time of her life. She is like, you know, and the episode is so funny because she is just cheesing and she's like with her dress and having a great time.

And I like a line dancing. Yes, yes, yes. OK, and they're like doing the the square, you know, the the sun and the. The, his girlfriend they're doing right, right. Yeah. They're doing the thing and you see them with these serious faces. They're like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm here. . They stuck it up, kind love her.

They did it for her. Right? And then at the end of, at the end of all that, you know, finally, you know, she had the time of her life and, you know, whatever. They gave her what she wanted. They're like, fine, you know, and everybody danced. It was, it was. cute. At the end, they gave her, they gifted her a mug. The husband and the wife and the son gifted her a mug and it said the world's tootinest mom.

It was just a mug that said that. And she was so happy with it. Like I said, it's a simple thing. Yes. Yes. So man, if you're listening, it's the simple thing we appreciate. She was like, I am going to come home. Let's go home and I'm gonna make everybody hot fudge sundaes. And they were like, yes. You know, it was so cute.

Well, what exactly you, the simple things always end up. It is the big thing, right? Because to me, like, you know, just watching that episode, I was like, bro, like life gets so chaotic and we get so caught up in our routine. And I think with any kind of relationship, it's the simplest things that can make a world of difference to somebody.

That's right. Not only in marriage and any kind of relationship. Mm-hmm . So some of the nice gestures and how we feel, absolutely, you know, and I think no matter how long you've been married, you should flirt. Oh no, for sure. With your husband. You know, it kind of goes back to the, uh, you know, being funny and the joking and the laughing, like you have to flirt, you have to flirt, you have to keep it fun.

You can't stop dating. And listen, don't get me wrong. It's not like me and Dennis are perfect. And it's constantly like that. That, but it's like you can't forget to do those things, right? You have to flirt. You have to keep each other like feeling loved and keep dating each other. And you know, I hear that often, but it's true.

It's true, it's true. You have to, you're absolutely right about that. Yep. And, and at the end of the day, you know, if you're married and you have kids, you like, my mom always told me, like, make sure that you're with someone. that you like your friend because that you can have a good conversation with and that you love because when the kids leave, that's who you're left with.

You know, it's one thing to be together and like we've all had those times with our husbands before we had kids, you know, some haven't had it longer than others. Right. Um, but you've had that time. So you, obviously there was something, you love this person, you enjoy each other. And when you go into those rough times, you got to kind of go back.

When you want to kill them and think, you got to remind yourself why I love this man so much. What, you know, like bring yourself back to that and keep like the flirting and the dating because that the kids leave, you don't want to have to start from square one. You know, you might have to not, you're not going to be at, you know, perfect, but you want to be somewhere where it's like, okay, now we have our time.

Kind of like where you're at Jasmine, you know what I mean? And I want to say sorry to my husband without really saying sorry. I just wear like tropical dresses that are like really tight because I hate that shit. And he likes it? Oh my god. So you're doing it for him? He loves like the feminine flower, like that ultra feminine look.

And I'm like, I'm all about black pants with a gray shirt, you know, and maybe my hair pulled back with some hoops, you know, um, but he loves that feminine tropical look. And I hate it. I detest, well not detest it, but it's just not my style, you know? But when I know, I'm like, fuck, I got to bring out the tropical dress.

Yeah. Let my hair down, curl it, wear some lip gloss, put a little perfume, and just like, walk across him and be like, hi. And that's, you know, our sexy time. And I have to say, I'm sorry. Well, it's good to make time for each other, because I know like Monica, Maritza, Jasmine, your kids are older. You still have to make time for each other because life still happens.

But like me and Jessica have smaller kids and it takes, it's even harder when you guys can all attest to that because you've had small children, you know. But you have to make it though. We don't have little kids like you do. Believe me, it's still tough. It's tough because you're in a completely different phase.

Yeah. Your whole world went from go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go to now. It's just slowing down again. And what are we now? Right. Because what we were was work, paying bills, school. Who's going to pick them up? Who's going to drop them off? Who's going to go to the meeting? Who's going to go to the teacher? Yeah.

Who's going to you go from like, Not having any time to having so much time. And then you're like, uh, you're learning, right? You're kind of learning each other in another way. That's why, like, when I said that early in the beginning, right, we're learning each other in a whole different way is when that time happened.

No, let me tell you, like for me. We're talking too much. Oh, sorry. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. The highest divorce rate actually is during that time when that phase of your life is over and now it's just you and your partner again and then you're like, Oh, we don't like each other. Oh, we don't have sex. Oh. Cool. I don't even know who the hell you are anymore.

Well, that's why I say it's important to date and flirt because at the end, your children are going to leave and you have this man. So you don't want to be starting from square one. Like, who is this person? You have to find time for each other. You have to, when you have kids, your husband is last and you are last, you know, the kids are first for the most part because their lives take, take over you.

So it's like you and your husband are still in a good place even though you're like left with all this time and you're trying to figure things out, you guys still have that love for each other and you're still, some people literally know that they're waiting for the kids to grow up and then they're leaving each other.

You know, some people really do it for that, you know, but when you really love each other and you know that this time comes and then you're like, okay, what are we going to do now? Like, yeah. You learn each other again. You got to get to know each other again. But if you're kind of flirting and dating and having sex, like you can't not have sex.

Like it's, it's, it's part of marriage. You have to do that. It's a connection. You have to do it. Uh, I've heard of sexless marriages and I don't believe in that. I don't understand that. I don't think you need to be having sex every day or every other day. Like listen, there's health marriages that have sex once a month or twice a month.

Whatever. Listen, it is what it is. But the, you can be extremely intimate without sex. Flirting. Literally. Yeah. Caring about each other. Doing things for each other. Absolutely. So it's like, you have to keep your marriage alive. Yeah. You can't just let it crumble. Well, you made an interesting comment right now.

You said, you know, the spouse comes in last place. I agree and disagree because I, I understand what you meant by that. I do. But I feel like there are certain times where you have to put your spouse before your child in certain circumstances, uh, not obviously there's some that your kids are always going to be first.

Of course. Of course. But there's some where you're going to be like, no, hon, we're not going to do that. Oh yeah. You know, me and daddy have this plan. Oh absolutely. Me and daddy have this plan. We're going to do. Oh mommy, but, but, but. No, no. I hate you. No, no. They don't control my life, but. No, I know. But some, some families will be like, no.

Or some relationships, you know, and that's where you have to draw a little bit of a boundary where you're saying, listen, no, me and daddy or me and mom already had this planned. I'm not going to stop our vacation or our, or our ghetto, our little getaway. Or even our time together. Because you want to do, like, Right.

I think that's healthy for kids to know that and see that, that mommy and daddy, like even, it sounds silly, my kids are three, but I told them, I'm like, okay, you know, uh, we're gonna, we're gonna do this right now. Mommy and daddy are going to go out on a date. We're going to go out to eat. Cause they asked me, they're like, where are we going?

And I'm like, mommy and daddy are going to eat together. Right. That's it. Like when we went out last week, mommy and daddy are going to spend some time together. Oh, okay. Where are you going? You know? Right. And I think that's healthy for kids. I think that's healthy for, for kids to see that. Right. So I, I just would like to add, I really think, you know, another thing that makes marriage work or just the philosophy that I feel that I've always felt for years is like, no one's perfect, right?

So you got to find that person that you can put up and tolerate their imperfections as crazy as it sounds or as blunt as it sounds, because I'm not perfect. My husband's not perfect. But if I can deal with his imperfections. And he can deal with mine is because you truly love that person. Right? I mean, you're, you're dealing with their good, the bad and the ugly and half the time they're imperfections.

Maybe it's something that attracted them to you or you love them for, you know, but, um, in, in, in my opinion, I think men, they want to be needed. So always make your husband feel needed. You know, they need to feel needed. I think that men. Um, are more the type to love physically in order to be able to love emotionally.

I think women are more emotional. So women, I think like attention, like I know I love attention from my husband, you know, and I think we tend to love more emotionally. So then we can in turn love physically, you know, so I think those are good things. And I think it's important to know there's the five love languages.

Yes. So you should know what your love languages are. I'm so glad you brought that up because I said that in the beginning. It's about your love language. It is. So Monica, what are the five love languages? So the five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

Right. Yeah. And everybody has, you can have more than one too. You know, I've like done these little tests. You can have more than one, you can find them online and it's good to know because everybody loves differently. Yeah. So you may have a husband that doesn't, or you or a person that maybe doesn't even want a lot of gifts, but you want your husband to constantly give you words of affirmation or your husband may need that in turn.

acts of service, like, you know, it's, it's, I think it's really important. What was the last one? Physical touch. Physical touch. It's from the book, um, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I like that. I mean, cause I think too, I mean, we go through what we go through, but at the end of the day, there's an energy between you and your spouse.

And you, You and only you know that something's missing. Yes. If it is. Yes. That's, I, yeah. Because you can be taking care of the kids, taking care of the house, taking care of, you know, what, everything can be in order. But if there's not an energy between you and your spouse, there's something else. You feel like that is such a good feeling.

You would feel it. Yeah, and that is a very important, very important aspect of a relationship. Whatever relationship. Marissa, I'm going to just say something. You said something to me many years ago, and I don't know why that always stuck with me. You're like, I'm the thermometer of my home. Aww. I don't know that there was something about that that always resonated.

It's true. You know when there's something, you know, off. She's always full of poetic phrases, I love that. Yes, that always stuck with me. That always has. But being moms and women, I can see that. Even before my kids, like, I'm like, yeah. That's so true. Like, you know, when your kids are off, you know, when there's something going on, even like nothing related to my kids or like even my parents, like I know sisters, you know, two weeks ago, uh, my husband and I went to a really nice restaurant and you know, you had to dress up a little bit and he was getting ready and he just looked really, really nice.

He just looked handsome. And I was like, babe, you look, you look really handsome tonight. You look great. And he just like stopped and he was like, I do? Like it was just kind of like, and I was like, yeah, no, you look, you look hot. That's what I said. And then slap his ass. I'm staring at my little hottie, right?

He goes, he goes, Oh, you haven't said that to me in a long time. Yeah. It made me feel like shit. Like I, cause you always think about, like, you can't help but think about yourself and like, Yes. All these things and stuff. And he's not the type, he doesn't need words of affirmation. He's not like that. You know, I think women kind of need it.

The attention, right. Need more attention. He's always been like a manly man and stuff like that. But I think when I said that, it made him feel like appreciated and loved. Noticed. Of course. Noticed and loved. Yeah. And he was just walking a different way that time, you know, and, and I just noticed it, you know, and it was some, it was really sweet.

I think as we age, I think that, that makes, that's important. Yes. He may, he may like words of affirmation. Yeah, he may, because he pointed it out to you. Yeah, that's true. And even if he doesn't, you still need, that's flirting to me. That's flirting. I think so too. And I was going to say. They love that shit.

Yeah. Yeah. I tell that to my husband, and I know he likes that. Yes, for sure. I do the same. Yeah. Yeah. I like to tell my husband. It makes it, like, it reminds me of, like, oh, my husband's here, and my husband's sexy, and you know what? And he's going, he's going to work, he's going to work, like, all right. Yeah, but see, for that.

My husband's Cuban, so automatically, the booty's there, you know, so it's a constant tap, so he knows, he knows the power behind that booty. So what is one thing? That you would say is important in a relationship, in marriage, to keep it strong. Just one thing. One. Jessica. Oh, there's so many. I, I'm going to, just because of where I'm at, because to me, it's just the season that I'm in, sense of humor right now is getting me through it.

I can't take life too seriously right now with all the chaos that's in my house, with my circus. Maritza? I would say communication, but right now, I guess if we're talking about seasons, comprehension.

Like you mean, like, understanding? Oh, that's what you meant! Actually hearing the words that are coming out of my mouth. I love you, honey. Comprehension. Mine is, to me, no matter what season, and it does change, I totally agree with that, but to me, no matter what season, respect. Yes. That's a good one. That has to be like the thread line.

Yes. The thread line. To me. Yes. For me, it's friendship. Right now he's my buddy. He's my BFF. Like, I'm so happy that we're here. He was always my friend. But, I mean, right now he's literally my bud. You know, and I'll tell him a joke and he'll be like, hahahaha. Brackalackin You know, and I'm just like, cool, did Go ahead.

Go ahead. You know what? No, I'm just gonna say that I see it. Aw, yes, I see it. He's my bud. You know, and I'm, he should be, and I'm happy. I mean, I've been with him since 1997. Mm. Yeah. A long D since the late do or die? Hundred do die, babe. Would die. Do or die in the 19th century? No, that would be the 20th.

What does it matter? No. The 19th century. No. What about you, Monica? 1997. What about you, Monica? What about you, Monica? Friendship. Aww. Okay, we're there. I'm there. I'm friendship. I see it too. And he makes me fucking laugh all the time. He is. He is hilarious. Yeah. He's so funny. He knows how to get me out of a bad mood.

Aww. Yeah. Aww. But this was a nice podcast. Yes. I'm so glad we did this. I was a little nervous to do this podcast and I ended up over, I was like, I'm not going to say anything. I don't think I'm going to take a step back. And I mean, you're like, because I told my husband. I told you. This is going to be a good one.

Cheers to our husbands. Cheers to our husbands. Take a drink. I love you, baby. Take a sip. Thank you for all your support. And remember, no marriage is perfect. You gotta do what works for you. And you gotta work at it. Absolutely. And be, he's gotta be your best friend. Stay on the boat. Stay on the boat. In the boat, stay in the fucking boat.

Sometimes I wanna swim. You say rocking . Sometimes I wanna swim or it's us. Sometimes I wanna swim. I'm not saying that you gotta roll on the fucking time, but stay on the boat. Sometimes I wanna swim it. I know swim. Listen, I'm a damn good swimmer, but you know what's gonna happen? He's going to send you a life vest and you're going to get out in the fucking boat.

Back in the fucking boat. You should stay on the boat. Okay ladies. Stay on the boat people. You should like slowly like. Alright girls. I love you. I love you. Relax. Stay on the boat to the next episode.

Thank you for listening. Make sure to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. We will be dropping an episode every two weeks. Oh, yeah. No, like seriously. Subscribe now. So just chill to the next episode. Follow us on Insta and TikTok.