Empty Nest, New Beginnings

In this episode of Red Lips Real Talk, the hosts open up about the emotional journey of becoming an empty nester. As children leave home to pursue college or begin independent lives, parents are often left navigating a mix of pride, joy, sadness, and even a shift in identity.

Through personal stories and honest reflection, the conversation explores how to adapt to this new chapter by embracing fresh interests, rediscovering passions, and creating meaningful ways to spend time. The hosts also share coping strategies—from finding comfort in quiet moments to adding humor to the transition—and emphasize the value of nurturing relationships with partners and adult children along the way.

Above all, this episode reminds listeners that while the empty nest can bring grief and adjustment, it also offers opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and the freedom to embrace what comes next.

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Transcript

You are listening to the Red Lips Real Talk podcast where we talk about life, love, and everything in between. You already know it's time to get real.

Parenting doesn't end, but it changes sometimes in ways we never expected. Today we're embracing the bittersweet space between letting go and moving forward. Okay, so let's be real. We raise our kids, wipe the tears, pack the lunches, survive the teenage years, and then one day, boom, they're gone. Maybe off to college.

Now they're chasing their dreams or just moving out, and suddenly you're in a quiet house staring at their old baby pictures thinking, what? Now? That emotional punch. That's what we call the empty nest syndrome. A mix of emotions like pride, celebration, and then sadness, grief. Even loss of identity and then pride and celebration again.

And guess what? You're not crazy. It's real. And so many people go through this alone, quietly, but in my case, with a glass of wine in my hand. And let me tell you, I just lived through it. My youngest just graduated high school and I felt this wave of joy and pride. And then out of nowhere came that heavy pause and I started to think, what am I gonna do with my time now?

I mean. I'm not really an empty nester as of yet because my kids are still living at home while they're going to college. But I do feel a shift. They're here, but it's not the same. Yeah. Jasmine, I know that you're ahead of us a little bit because your daughter actually left to college. Mm-hmm. And how are you handling that?

It's been a four year journey. And she left again because she graduated at FSU, fell in love. Mm-hmm. And now moved in with her boyfriend. Thank God I like him because if I didn't like him, girl, I'm gonna tell you that, um, a big portion of my identity was being a mom. Right. It has been my biggest pride and joy and a privilege to be their mother.

I raised my daughters to not have to need me anymore. And when you're successful at them not needing you anymore, no matter how much you think you're prepared for it, you are not. Right. Yeah, yeah. That's what we do. And um, I'm gonna tell you. It's the little things that start to add up. Like I don't really buy that much groceries anymore because there's no one there to eat them.

Mm-hmm. And they go bad, and I have to throw it away. So when I see her favorite snacks, or I have to throw food away because I. You know, they're not eating the food. Right? Well, my kids live with me and I I'm going through the same thing. Yeah. 'cause they have their own money. So they buy their own snacks.

Yeah. Or they go out to have lunch. Yeah. With their friends. And, you know, I've had to let go of whatever I considered my old definition of what a mother is or motherhood is. But what has really helped has been not viewing. My new life as a mother, as a loss, I view it instead as a change for me too. And I know I'm lucky, uh, because so many other parents out there wish they had my problems, right?

Um, sometimes they have to watch their adult children who have made choices that maybe are a little painful to watch, um, and often maybe can require, um. Them to continually monitoring and activating their helping, and that's not my case. So that's why I feel like, yes, I'm sad. Yes, I've mourned. Yes, I do still, I'm just still trying to figure out what the hell do I do now.

Right? Yeah. You know, because my other daughter does live with me, but she's never, she works full time. She comes home, eats, goes to sleep the weekend she's gone. You know, as she should. As she should, and she's thriving, you know? And then I find myself like, wow, I, I really have a lot of time on my hands. Um, I gotta spend more time with my husband,

you know? Um, I try and think to myself, what do I do with this new. Version of a mom that I am today, and I used to have these dreams. I'm like, oh my God, I can't wait to have alone time. I can't wait. I can't wait. And then it, it happens so damn fast that when you're in it, you're like, oh shit. This shit is real.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's so freaking nobody, nobody talks about it, but, well, maybe, maybe they do, but we didn't listen, but Right. It's the quietness. It's that. You don't hear the arguing, the screaming, where's my, oh.

And it goes, you, you go from being a full-time Uber driver or having to go at the last minute to the dollar store to get, you know, mom, I have a art project due to tomorrow. And you're like, you're telling me now. Yeah, right. You know, and you go from being a tutor and, and being. The person getting the favorite snacks and, and, and the person, when your daughter or son is upset 'cause they got their first broken heart and you're there trying to heal their heart or their first booboo, you're being pulled from the left, from the right to the front to the back all day for how many years?

And then it's. That's, that's taking me years and I'm still still trying to come to terms with it. It's better, much better. And it's been through my friendships with, with you ladies and, and other people in my life. Of course, my husband, it's, and my, and they're my kids. My kids are always calling me and they're in my life, but they don't really need me.

Right. Yeah. And that's the thing that I think a lot of parents are like, shit, they, they really, they're really doing it out here and we're just. We're just watching, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's one of those things too, like, I mean, people talk about it, but it's one of those things where you really don't know what it feels like until you're actually there.

Because I've had, I have like a lot of mom, you know, the mom friends through my children, and some of them had older kids, and I had one, one woman in particular that her older daughter was going away to college and she was. So sad about it. And, you know, she confided in me and I was thinking to myself like, wow, you know, like I, I don't know.

I just, I couldn't relate to how she was feeling, but I felt so sad for her and I. But my kids were still young at the time. And that's what I'm saying, like, you don't know until you're actually there. 'cause once my, my, my son graduated. My daughter just graduated. You know, I mean, they still live with me, but it's definitely different.

It is. I definitely felt the shift, even though they're still here. Mm-hmm. You know, like you say, you're. Older daughter still lives with you, but she's never around. I rarely see her. Or she's in her room. Same thing here. Yeah. Or they have plans with their friends, so they're never really around. Yeah. But, um, so those quiet moments have, you know, were new for me.

I mean, I've, I've, I've adjusted to them. Mm-hmm. Now, but before when I've had that quiet time and I, no, I'm gonna say that still, when I have those quiet moments at home, I'm thinking to myself like, oh my God. I'm home alone again. Yeah. And you're alone. Monica, remember so quiet in one of our episodes. I can't remember which one, but you said something about you can hear your own thoughts.

Yeah. The thoughts that you, you can, it's so quiet, right? You can hear your own thoughts and that is not explainable until you're living. Right. And then it's finding out. Because when you're a mom, you do, you do almost everything. I think, you know, you don't realize like how much you actually do, but guess what, it's, it's no longer your responsibility anymore to check up whether she needs to go to the dentist, right?

Or has to have her teeth cleaned, or she's getting enough sleep, or what does she eat for dinner? Or what time does she come home last night? Like that ends when they completely leave. Leave the house. Yeah. Yeah. Then you have this dream. Oh, when they're done with college, they're gonna come back home. And she didn't.

That's always the case. Yeah. She came home for eight weeks. So let me ask you, let me ask you a question and I relished it. I was like, let me have you for eight weeks while she was home, because prior to that, how, how long was she gone? Well, she would come for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but she was, but she was gone for three years.

Three years. Mm-hmm. I was just listening to a podcast, so that's why I'm gonna ask you this question because they said too that when the, when her daughter comes to visit, even though she's been living at, you know, the dorm for so many years, yeah. And she doesn't know what she does every day. Yeah. She's, you know, doing her own thing.

Yeah. But when she comes to visit, all of a sudden she's asking, yeah. Oh, where are you? Yeah. When are you coming home? Because she's actually staying at your house. Were you doing that? Oh, that's a really great question. I'm gonna be honest. I was for a little bit, and then I had to scale it back and be like, yo, like Right.

She's an adult. Like she's been on her own for three years. Like, you gonna, I mean, it's habit kind of. It's a habit, yeah. Because they're there. But it's funny because she would be like. Mom, why isn't there any food in this house? And I'm like, what are you talking about? There's chicken, there's lettuce, there's cheese.

And she's like, 'cause I don't buy snacks, right? I, I don't have snacks. And now that I'm in this health journey about you, got you ladies know, like, I like to cook. I even make my own freaking marinara sauce. Right. Like I should, I'm gonna be turning my own, churning my own butter soon. But she's like, mom, there's no food.

And I was watching all these funny tiktoks of all these kids saying, what happened to my parents if we moved on? They stopped eating. Yeah. You know, we and the parents are like, oh, well we just have cereal. You know, and I can relate to that even though I'm a foodie. You know, I'm always on TikTok and Instagram showing recipes, but I don't cook like that.

That's like once a week, once every two weeks. And I'm like, hi, let me do a little TikTok for fun. You know? But I think that once I saw that, you know, Juliana was really on her own and Alexandra was really completely gone, like in a completely different place. I was just like, I really gotta figure out what to do with this extra time.

Yeah. And not to keep. Bringing it up. But I think Maritza, that's why I reached out to you at that time 'cause I was really going through it. Mm-hmm. And I was like, maybe we could do a podcast. You know? And that's when I started doing like a little bit more of social media stuff. And I know a lot of people saying negative things about those things.

And I, and I get it and I, and I know why, but I really feel like for me, that kind of saved me. Being like I, I'm getting, okay now I'm gonna get emotional. Like I really feel Mariza, especially Monica and Mariza like you guys telling me Yes. So we could do this really helped me so much. Yeah. I just wanted to say that I think it's helped all of us.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I just feel like at that moment it was just like, if you would've said no, both of you, I would've accepted it. But I just think I would've been like, oh, okay. And then when you said yes, I was like, oh, I'm so excited. And then I just, I went in so hard. You sure did. I sure did. But that is why I think now I realized why I went in so hard.

Yeah. Right. Because I had so much energy and time to put somewhere that I was feeling a void. Right. You were trying to, yeah. Well, I get it. I was trying to feel a void. Yeah. Exactly, but now it's meta, it's morphed into something more than that. And uh, yeah, I'm still delusional, you know, but, um, there, there's a lot of opportunities there, uh, to grow yourself.

Because I saw this lady who was 103 years old, I think I. Tagged you ladies. It was like a meme. Not a meme, but it was like a video. A video, yeah. She was 103 years old, still alive, obviously. She was being interviewed and the guy basically said to her something along the lines of like, you know, there's a lot of women who, or people who feel at the age of 50 or 60.

She was like, oh, please, that's so young. I would give anything to be 50 and 60 years old. You have no idea how young that is. You have your whole life ahead of you. And I was like, wow. Like that was the first time that I was not afraid to turn 50. Yeah. Very nice. Yeah. And then, and that was social media.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the perspective of someone who's, yeah. Outlived a lot of people. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's, it's possible you have a lot and you realize you don't think about it. There's so, there's so much to live for still. So if you're in the empty nester syndrome, yes, you may feel depression, you may feel scared empty.

What the hell am I gonna do now? But this is the time for you to be a little selfish and figure all the things that maybe you wanted to do that you didn't have time for. Try it. Try. Try it. Take that cooking class, do that yoga class, train for that marathon girl. Do it now. Yeah. Any, any little thing that you said, Hey, you know, I wanna try that.

Do it because you have the time. You have the time. Live your life. It's not over. It is not for me. I'm in the same position as you, Jasmine, where I have. My adult daughter living with me, going to school, working. So she's very independent. Mm-hmm. You know, I don't have to cook for her, I don't have to do her laundry or any of that.

She does, she takes care of all of that. Yeah. And it's like, at first it was like, yeah, no, do your own laundry. But it's like, wait, yeah. Let me help you out here. I'll do, I'm doing laundry today. And then I see all her stuff there. She's like, don't worry, I'm gonna get mine done. And yeah, I'm like, Nope. Here's your laundry.

It's all done. But 'cause she's still there, you know? Yeah. Mm-hmm. And, and there is, she's there, but busy. Mm-hmm. Living her own life. Yeah. It's like we're roommates, you know? Mm-hmm. She comes and goes. Sometimes she'll be like, I miss you. Aw. You know, she'll sit with me and, yeah. So, yeah. But it's, it's. It's a different feeling, so I haven't really felt that empty nest just yet.

Crazy. Right? Yeah. Yes. Emotional. Yeah. I don't consider myself an empty nester at all. Yeah. I mean, I, I don't even think I consider myself an empty nester all the way either because my oldest daughter still lives with me and my youngest, which is ironic. She's the one that really left and is, she's nine hours away, so.

That one. I feel the hardest. And she was the baby, you know? But I'll tell you, I think that, um, one of the hardest things, I think for a lot of parents when their children leave the house, they're gone, you know, and they only come back for maybe like a week or two certain months outta the year. You find yourself swimming in a house full of unused rooms.

I have a big house, you ladies know that I have many empty bedrooms. You know, and, uh, and then you, you see memories in those rooms, right? Piles of achievements and awards and clothes they don't wear anymore, and things that were really important to them in ninth and 10th grade. Then now they're like, oh, just throw it away.

Yeah. And you're like, no, you know, and suddenly you just don't need all that space anymore. And you have to figure out, uh, what to do with those empty rooms and what to do with all those piles of memories that your own child is telling you to throw away, get rid of. I'm gonna tell you, it took me years.

Actually, the last pile was the hardest pile to let go. Yeah. It was a big box full of just like her favorite outfits, you know. Oh, wow. I just gave it away, uh, like about three months ago, and I was like, go honey. You know? She was like, mom, no, I'm never gonna, you know, never gonna. Okay, so I took it to the Salvation Arm Army.

Well, first I tried to give it away to whoever, but she's really skinny. At that time she was like a size 2 0 2, so it was kind of hard to find that size. But, um, I ended up giving it away. She had some like posters and books, all these things, you know, and I just wanted her to say, oh my God, mom, I want those things, or, and she didn't want, she didn't want them.

They don't, she didn't want. So I, I held her and my husband was like, babe, there's a lot of these. You gotta get rid of it, babe. It's, you know, she's 21, she's not 17, you know, 16, 17. Um, so I had to start letting them go. So I get to the last box and I'm with my mom. I. And I'm like, mommy. She goes,

and I go, mommy, she doesn't want, she goes, you know, the whole thing. So I finally take the last box. It was a big box and like two of those big Marshalls bags that you can buy for like 99 cents. I have like 20 of them and I go and I give them a bank. I got in the car, I sat down and I just started freaking crying.

I was like, that's it. That was, that was the last, it was the end of us.

You know, it, it hurt. Um, but it helped me because it gave me like something so simple like that gave me a little bit of closure. Closure, yeah. That this is an end of an era, but that doesn't mean that there's not something. New coming up that I'm, I don't know what it is. It could be selfish just for me or maybe for my family as a whole.

I don't know. But that is an end of an era and I've said goodbye to it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I'm proud of myself. It took me time, though. It didn't happen in three months and it happened in one or two years. It took almost three years and, and change, and it still mixed me up. Tear up, you know, a little bit. But, um, but the wild thing was that my daughter was like, I'm really happy that you got rid of it, mom.

Isn't that wild? Yeah. Like she told me, mommy, I told you to get rid of that stuff years ago. Yeah. I'm really proud of you that you did it. So I think it's important to give yourself the time that you need to depart from that stage of motherhood. Um. And be excited about the new beginnings for the next chapter of your life.

Uh, Marissa, isn't it that there was something you had said something along the lines of, uh, what's our second act? Right. And I think that's what I'm figuring out now. Yeah, that's what I was thinking about a couple years ago, right before my daughter was graduating and I was already having those moments by myself and thinking, what, now?

What am I gonna do with my time? I mean, yeah, at that time I was still busy with her. You know, she was in sports and all that, but I knew it was coming, you know, that it was looking at me around the corner and I'm like, I know I'm gonna have all this time. What am I gonna do? Yeah. What am I gonna do? I still don't have the answer.

Right. You're still here. Like, what do I do? What am I gonna do? I still don't know. But like you said, I mean, we started this podcast and this has been a nice. You know, something that we started to kind of fill that Void. Void. Exactly. And um, and this just gets you started because you're like, all right, I did this now.

Okay, what else can I do? You know, what else can I add onto my list of things that I can do now? Because, you know, I have that extra time. Yeah. So I know that talking about all the sad things about. Being an empty, empty nester. But there's some parents out there that are like, Woohoohoo hoo, like, you know, they're like really excited about this next chapter.

And I saw this on TikTok, this lady, and I was like, that lady made me laugh so much. So I wanted to play it for you guys. Everybody talking about being an empty nester. Well, here's what they don't tell you. Way too much peace and quiet. You hear that? There's no door slamming, there's no yelling. Just quiet.

Just peace. Unbelievable. Then there's the refrigerator that stays full. Who wants a refrigerator that stays full for 24 hours or more? I myself missed the thrill of going to the refrigerator and seeing that my leftovers have vanished along with all the other snacks and my paycheck. Only two loads of laundry this week.

Boring. I miss having to sort through 27 pairs of mix. Matched socks that are inside out and then trying to get ramen noodles off off a hoodie. What is life? There's no legos to step over. There's no smells to wonder if it was a forgotten sandwich or if it was a science experiment. What, what Anybody else?

Miss the surprise at 9:00 PM on a Wednesday night of their child coming to them and say, Hey, I need a trifold poster board by tomorrow. I, I just don't even know what to do myself. Y'all do know I'm being sarcastic, right? Fuck them kids. You free to add yours in the comments. She said, kids, she said, fuck them kids.

And I'm so grateful that I get to see like, because at first I was like, oh wow. She's like really saying a lot of the things. That I was feeling and I didn't expect her at attend end to say, man, fucked up kids. That's funny. So I found that to be kind of funny, but there's so many ways you can take this.

Uh, I think the most important thing, every, every parent is gonna take it differently. Absolutely. Every parent's relationship with their children is different. Uh, you know, but I. We can all admit that there is a lot of, um, a lot of empty time and if, when you are not used to that, you have to say, what do I do with that time?

That I think is the hardest thing for most people. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, I'm, I work full time, so I have bulk of my hours during the day full. Mm-hmm. When my daughter was younger, it was work and then straight to this, that the other sports travel, this, you know, it was always, there was always something.

Mm-hmm. And I don't have that anymore. So now I'm still trying to figure out, okay, so after work I have this time, then I do. What do I do besides, now we have the podcast. So I do that and I keep myself busy with that, but there was a while there, it was like, I'm bored. Yeah, God. And it's like, I really do need to spend a lot more time with Mike now.

Thank God I like him. Oh yeah, exactly. That's right. No, but seriously, like now I understand why like, you know, I mean, I don't be, I don't mean to be negative, but that's why like a lot of. Couples also. They're like, I'm out. Right? Yeah, no, that that happens. It, it happens. And I, I was researching it. I didn't wanna be negative, but it's a reality of, it is of life.

And you're like, Hey, we were just together because we were both really great parents and we wanted to give stability to our children. And it's something that we both had in common was keeping this family together, paying the bills, and making sure our children were, were with two parents, and then they're gone and you're like.

Yeah. There's nothing keeping us maybe together anymore That is a lot more common than Yeah. Yeah. Than you think, um, because you're not only, you're rediscovering yourself. Yeah. During this Yeah. Time you have now. You have to try to rediscover each other. Exactly. And not everyone is gonna get along or mm-hmm.

Or they haven't really been getting along and now it's kind of like, you know, resurfaced maybe. Yeah. We don't get along or even they do get along, but it's just like, you know. Going through the motions. Yeah. And just day to day stuff. 'cause you're busy with Yeah. Work life and kids. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Now that's just you two.

It can, you know, or then you have the parents that take the kids' room and they make it into a chicken pow room. Red room. I don't know really what that means. I mean, I have an idea of what that may mean, but I saw it on, I saw it online. They were like, oh, we're gonna do a red room. And I was like, is it a, like a literally a red room with like a red light?

Yeah, and it's a little dark and I'm sure they have a lot of toys and decorations. Oh, swing. Oh, oh. Whips. You know, whip and chain. Yeah. Hey, but it wouldn't hurt to put a stripper pole in there. Dancing. That's what I said. Poles. There's a, there's a class for that. I actually know somebody teaches a stripper.

I'm gonna ask her if she wants to be on our show. You wouldn't be surprised. I know, I know. People that have even, you know, young people, older people, like they take those classes. Yeah, they're good classes. Let me see if I could, hang on. Yeah, like Cardi B.

That's crazy. But you know, I was looking online, I was like, what is the average. Age of parents who are going through the, uh, I guess the empty nester phase, and they were like late forties up until the early sixties. They're like, that's the demographic of when parents are really like, oh, it's, it's, I'm done.

Right. You know? And I don't think I'm done because still my daughters call me and they're like, mommy, this only, it's not like that. But it's that phase of them really not needing me Every day that's over and that's taken, I think people should know if they're listening to us, that take the time that you need to get used to that.

Mm-hmm. To adjust to that. If it takes you years, it, it takes you years. I think that, that like, oh, you should just get over it fast. No, no. It it, you've been their parent for. 18, 19, 20 years, and now you're just supposed to turn that switch off and be like, no. Take the time that you need to rediscover yourself.

Get the good stuff back. Right. Figure it out. Um, do the work. Put in the work for yourself. Put in the work. Yeah. You know, and there's a lot of things that people have always wanted to do. And couldn't do it because they're, they were full-time parents. Mm-hmm. Maybe there was money issues and or, or, I don't wanna say issues, but, you know, financial hardships because kids are expensive, you know?

But maybe now you can take that 10 day cruise. Mm-hmm. Maybe now you could take that fancy gym membership. You've always like Equinox, that stuff is expensive. But maybe you're like, you know what? I'm gonna spend $250 a month or whatever they charge. I don't know what they charge, but I'm gonna spend that much on me.

'cause that's what I. Always wanted to do, or I don't know, I'm just talking out loud, but this is the time for you to say you can be a little selfish. Mm-hmm. Go for it. Do it now. 'cause when are you gonna do it right? Yeah. Give yourself grace. Becoming an empty nester is a transition. Right. So, but you have to, I know it brings a lot of emotions of, you gotta feel those emotions and mm-hmm.

Like you said, it's, it's like a stage of grief. Mm-hmm. There's nothing wrong with it. Feel those emotions, go through it and then pick yourself up. It is, Monica, I can't believe, like, I can't believe I didn't use that word earlier. It is like a grief, it is a loss, but it's not really a loss. It's, it's more like the fear of rediscovering yourself without them.

Right, right. Well, that's tough. Yeah, because that was a big part of my identity. It really was. Right. But you do kind of lose you. You're losing yourself. You are losing that part of yourself, that version of yourself. That version of yourself. Yeah. So now you rediscover the new you Yeah. The different chapter that's coming along.

Mm-hmm. And explore all things like, I know for us, no is a very big word. No is the new motto. No motto. It's the, it's the new motto. The new motto. Okay. But in this phase of life also. Yes. Yes. Mm-hmm. Right, exactly. Know the bullshit. Set your boundaries. No means no, I'm not gonna do it. I don't wanna do that.

I'm not gonna do it. To please you. Yes. To what I want. Exactly. Because you spent, we spent a lot of those years with our kids putting ourself last. Right. Everything, you know, I need a brand new outfit. I have a wedding to go to, whatever the case is. I need to go shopping. I don't come back with stuff. For me, that was the goal, but in the end it's like, oh, for you, you know, all this stuff.

She needs this, or let's buy her shoes or let you know. So right now and don't feel guilty about it. Yeah. Put you first. 'cause we tend to feel guilty. It's funny you're saying that because I just had my wisdom teeth removed. Okay. It was. One of the biggest fears I've ever had in my life. I prolonged it way too long.

I should have done it years ago, but my daughter also needs to have her wisdom teeth removed. So I made the appointment and, um, I, I am telling her, she goes, oh my God, mom, I need to have my wisdom teeth removed. And I was like, well, you better figure it out. And she was like, mom. And I was like, no, I. I'm 40 plus.

I'm, I'm, mommy's gonna be 49. You are 21. I'm gonna have my wisdom teeth removed first because I actually feel pain and I should have them removed first because I'm 49. Babe, you figure it out in the future. I'm done. It was the first time I'm, I'm being dead ass serious that I put myself first. Because I would've been like, no, my daughter, right.

Always my children first. But I felt a little pain and I, I found, I mustered up the courage to do it, and I just wanted to go with the momentum, because I've been prolonging it for years. And it was the first time that I said like, I really said no to her. You know, I, I went last week online. This is way T-M-I-T-M-I, oh my god.

I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I opened up my drawer. I was like reorganizing, like. My underwear drawer and stuff, and I was like, fuck my underwear so old. It's so old. I'm like, Jesus Christ, I'm so humiliated. Like these things are like so old. I was like, I'm just gonna go buy myself new, new brass and panties.

You know? I can't believe I'm saying this so embarrassing. And I was like, Hmm. I heard. Skims the, you know, and I went on skims and I was like, oh, that's nice. And I ordered like a hundred dollars worth of, and it's coming tomorrow. And I'm so excited about getting new underwear because I always just put. My daughter's first.

Right? That's, and it didn't matter if my bra had a hole in it or one of the little hooks was broken. No, I always, my daughter's first, right? So yes, it's TMI. But it's very true what you said, Monica. It is. It's so simple. Yeah, it's so simple. But yet, yeah, that can wait. Yeah, that can wait, that can wait. I'll do this.

And I have a girlfriend who told me that she was like, Jasmine, I don't even wanna show my, my, my bras because it's humiliating. But somehow, some way I always come home from Target with a new outfit from my daughter. Yeah, yeah. And I really need a new bra. And I was like, I, I understand that. And. Because you don't Yeah.

Feel it's some, for some reason you feel guilty. You feel guilty. You feel guilty about buying yourself stuff. Yeah. And you shouldn't because you need stuff too. I know. Well, by that time you're just tired too. 'cause you've done so much shopping for your kids. You're like, all, I just wanna go home. I'm hungry.

No, but let's be honest, like I spent. Hours online looking for bras and underwear hours, because I was like, oh, let me look at this. I was reading review. Who the fuck has time for that shit? Nobody has time for that shit. You go to Target, Walmart, Macy's, wherever you're going, you're like, gimme three, four panties, or Victoria's Secret when there's a big sale and call it a date.

That's literally how moms are. It's like if it fits, and hopefully it's not like neon yellow. Right. You know, because it's always the ones that are on sale that are like these weird colors, you know? Right. But it's like you just get what you need to get and you're out the door. And this was the first time, I think in 20 years that I was like, I'm gonna buy myself some intimate apparel and I'm gonna read reviews and I'm gonna see the size that really it should be.

Who the fuck has dime for that when you have daughters in fifth grade, right? Yeah. Nobody, no, it's quick. You gotta be quick. You gotta be quick out the door. And that shit's probably from Walmart. Just keep it real. Ain't no shame. Ain't no shame in that game. Ain't no shame in that game. Who was that country singer that she was like, um, I could wear my lingerie from Walmart and still look good.

Oh my God, I'm a redneck woman. We don, is that, um, Dolly part? No. Forget it. I say hell, hey, he,

that song is old as shit, but I remember she said in that song, I don't need no fancy like stuff from Victoria's Secret. I can still look good in my Walmart. Bra Bras. Gretchen Wilson. Gretchen Wilson. Okay, well, whatever. I'm terrible with with names. I don't really listen to Country, but I remember that song because she was like, hell yeah.

Hell yeah. You know? So I remember that every time I put on my Walmart bra,

it wasn't from the Portor, I'll tell you that much. No. 'cause I used to go to like Victoria's Secrets and I'll be like. Looking at like, oh my God, $50, $50. Oh my God, that's me. 50, $50. Oh my God. And now I'm like, wow, how much is that? $35? I'm gonna get that shit. Yeah. Now it's like $50. Okay, $50. Here you go, shit, I know I need this, I need this, this I, you don't feel, you don't feel so bad anymore.

I need this. And I'm like, wow. It has like a little bow on it. How cute. Right? So. Pretty. It's so pretty. You start to feel feminine again. Yeah. Right. I know we're being silly right now, but this is the truth. It's like you start to feel like, oh, I could, I think I would like to see what I look in that, you know, your body is different of course, and you're older, but we're still women.

Yeah. You're still sexy and you're still, you're still a little sexy. You just got a little more to grab. It's. It's okay. It's okay. Hey, my husband's not completing. Exactly. So you put on a show for him. Now you have all those rooms. I said. Oh yeah, yeah, exactly. You have all the rooms. All the rooms. I don't have that room.

Trust me, there's just the Peloton in there right now. You're the one that told us about the red room. I mean, no, no. I thought I didn't. I swear I was just researching for the show and I read that. I was like, red Room. There was a video that we. That I was listening to when they said something about, um, because I guess they, the person asked like, what's the craziest thing you've done?

Mm-hmm. Since. And they were like, they do it since the, since the kids left. Yeah. Okay. Doing it on our golf cart. While What? What? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, whoa. Shut up, up. No. No shame. They didn't care. And we crashed. They free. Oh, we crashed. Yeah. My God. No. I, I can't do that. People do crazy shit. People do crazy.

It's freedom. It's the freedom to do whatever you want to be Wild, wild and free. Wild and free. No, the wildest thing I did was order from skims. Which you still got time. I'm really excited to get my order. You still got time to get wild free? Maybe that's the next stage. Oh gosh. You'll get there. You'll get there.

You could buy the books Poses. Stop, skip. That's what we do when we're home alone. Right, exactly. For me, it was that there was one time I was literally home alone. My daughter was gone for the weekend or whatever, and I had to grab something from the other room and I had just got out the shower and I'm like, oh my God.

Sure enough, I said, fuck it. You are running around the house. Naked. Naked. Wanna grab shit. And my dogs are looking at me like, what the fuck is wrong with this woman? And I'm literally like, oh my God. Like yelling, like they're gonna see me. Who? Nobody's home. Nobody's home. Nobody cares. Nobody's cares. But yeah.

But yeah, shit like that. It's like, oh, well. I'm like, well, nobody's here. Hold on now. You don't have to worry. Yeah. Just walk around naked. They're not there no more. I know. It's the, it's, it's wild. It's, it's wild. I mean, at the end of the day, it's you're letting go of a chapter of your life and beginning. I know it sounds so cliche, but it's true.

And just starting a new, one, new chapter and it's full of excitement. But you're, you're still Mom, trust me. My daughter calls me all the time. Yeah. I, I don't think that ever stops. That'll never stop. You never stop parenting. No. Yeah. But it's just a different version of parenting. You're like, mom coach.

Yeah, mom life coach now. Yeah. Right. And in a, and, and that's why I said earlier today, how many parents would trade places with us to say, wow. Like, I wish that my children were in the same position that their. Thriving, that they're healthy and they're not dealing with real problems, whether it's alcohol abuse or drug abuse or mental illness, um, that's, that's also very real, you know?

And so sometimes you need to be, uh, grateful instead of focusing on the sadness and focusing on the emptiness or what do I do now? Also focus, fuck, you did a good job. You raised a good kid, a good son, a good daughter where they're thriving and living their best lives and trying to do something great.

That's also because you are a great mom. And a great dad and you put in the work that needed to be put in. So that happens. Yeah. So be proud of yourself 'cause you did a great job. Pat yourself on the bed. Absolutely. Yeah. Because that's what you, you, you raise them, you raise 'em to be strong and dependent to be able to do the things.

In life that are needed to be done without you. Mm-hmm. Right. To make your own doctor's appointments. Mm-hmm. You know, to do all that on your own. Exactly. Yeah. And it's, it's funny in the beginning when they do that, oh yeah. Like calling every five seconds. Well, I'm really proud. Oh yeah. My son used to be like, mom, she's gonna.

What does this mean? Touch me. Yeah. I'm really proud that I read You're Surpris two daughters that are Gen Z that don't do the Gen Z stare. What's that? The Gen Z stare? Yeah. I don't know what that is. What is that? What do you, oh my goodness. Okay, so the Gen Z stare is basically, they're saying that when people interact with a person who is.

A Gen Z generation. For example, let's say you're a Gen Z, Monica, and you walk into, uh, Macy's, you're looking at the junior's department, and I'm like, Hey, is there anything that I can help you with? And you're like, just staring. What do you mean? And you're like, if there's anything that you need, my name is Jasmine.

Um, I'll be around. If you're looking for anything or need a little help, let me know. Um, again, my name is Jasmine. I've never seen that look before me either. It's all over social media. The Gen Z's there, um, or they'll be like, or in a restaurant. What would you like to order? Um, oh. Oh, no, that's, that's a parenting thing right there.

I know. I'm sorry. I don't care. How, I've never seen are, it's the Gen Zs there. Well, it's, it's trending right now, so that's why I brought it up. So I was like, my daughter, my daughters are not like that. And they're Gen Z and they're also saying that Gen Z are, um, the new Boomers. Oh, wow. What? Yes. You guys, you guys gotta be like on top of it.

We're podcasters now. Yeah, I don't know about all that. I can't spend a lot of time on social media. No, I know, I know. But no, that's something that I saw earlier, uh, this week and I was like, oh my God. But no, but Gen Z's pretty, pretty cool. We have kids. I could see that. Pretty amazing kids. A lot of them have old souls.

Yes. And they were also raised by their atos. A lot of them. Mm-hmm. To our boomers. So they're saying they're the, that they don't know how to com, you know, communicate too well that they're poor communication skills and that they're judgmental and stingy with money. Mm-hmm. Ue. Yeah. So they're like's a new, there's the New Boomers.

I'm not saying that they are. I'm just saying this is what they're saying, that they're raised by the alos. They're the new. Boomers, I could see that. Yes. Sorry. Gen Z news to me. I've never heard any of this, but okay. Okay. But I could see that 'cause they're being raised by the aos and the aos are our aos are very, they are.

And they are a little stingy. Yeah, they were. No, they are Gen zrs. They, you know, they don't like to spend money. They don't like to go to parties. They don't like to go to clubs, and they're very cheap. A lot of them boomers are the same way. Okay? No Gen X. We spent everything. We partied, we did party, we partied hard, and we spent all our money.

Who were you talking to? Because those boomers over there and, uh. What's that place called? Oh, I know who you're talking about. The one in Orlando. Like villages. The villages in the villages. They booming over there. They be, you got that. Boom, boom. Pow. Clearly not that kind of boomer. Dang. They The villages.

Yeah. Listen, they just opened up a Hooters. I heard. I heard that. I heard that. Wow. Yeah. Listen, I've never been, but I can only imagine. She's always like, I've never been and I don't know. But lemme tell you, but lemme tell you. How do you know? Because, and I'm gonna tell you, you know those little things that you take a shower with?

I don't really use them, but the loofahs, no, not a loofah. Well I guess it's a loofah, but it's not with the one with the stick. It's the one that has like the little white string. It's the little scrunchie thing that you lather. It's Alofa. Is that Alofa? Yeah. Okay. 'cause I thought Alofa was the one with the long stick.

No. Well, it'll have a loofah on a stick. Okay. Well this is just the little smooshy thing. Okay. And people tie them to their golf carts and their different colors. And supposedly every color means something sexually. The villages. Not that I know. I just heard it. Okay, bro, I'm gonna take a ride. I'm looking like under villages rock or something, because I don't know nothing.

I'm like, what? We need to go over there and interview some people. That's the next stage of our life. We need to know what. Is going on. Okay, so I just Googled it real quick. Look, I'm telling you, we says she Googled. She doesn't have her laptop here. She's kidding. We're literally becoming like Joe Ro, like, we're gonna have to hire somebody to start Googling shit.

Okay, so the villages lofa color code, it says, according to the lofa code, different color lofas represent the owner's swinging preferences. White lofas are for beginners. Purple is for voyeurs. And pink is for those who like to wife swap blue, yellow, and black represent low middle levels and full partner swapping respectfully at the villages.

Wow. So they don't even use pineapples anymore. That's all I know about is the pineapples. And I just learned that and I, yeah, yeah, exactly. I was gonna wear a shirt that had a pineapple and my husband was like, you're not wear that. You think I'm kidding. Wow. Okay. I'm not kidding. Even it has their logo on it.

The village. And even the villages. Listen them, them boomers, they got that boom, boom, pound. Check my style. I think I wanna go over there, copy my swagger, and have a little chat with these boomers. Come get it. Come and get it. Come. We get it. How many licks does it take?

Yo, we totally got off the empty nester thing. But listen, they're empty nesters. They're empty nest nesters. Empty nest. They're, they're definitely out there fantasies. Okay. Well, they've been empty nesters for quite some time. Exactly. So they have a lot of advice to give. I the how you can make it better.

Well, I'm not doing the loofah thing. Forget about it. Forget about it. Don't put the lofas on your golf course.com. Now if I see a loofah, bro, wait, what does, what does the green one mean? I just curious because I have a green one hanging in my background. I, I'm gonna, I am now officially the researcher for red lips in the background.

What was your question again? Mariza. What does the green one mean? What does green loofah. Mean at the villages that is fun in the villages. A green lofa hanging in our golf cart typically signifies that the driver is not willing to participate. That's a perfect one. There you go. I have a green one that in my golf cart, but it's hanging in my bathroom.

I'm leaving. Go, go, go, go, go. I'm gonna hang that shit in my cart, in my golf cart. Please fuck everywhere over here. Me, I'm dying of Hi chicas. This was a great show. Well, I hope so. As you can see, there is some fun is the future. Yeah, there's a light at the end Tunnel. Some light at the end of the tunnel for sure.

You can have fun. Make it fun. Well, you know, I think here, there's something really sweet here that I found online that says that. The single most important thing you can do as an empty nester is to reassess your values and deliberately seek out new interests, new activities, new passions, new aspirations and new purpose for beings for yourself.

And I think that that's a very important thing to, we joke around and it's, it's been so much fun to talk about this, but it is a journey on figuring out what you're gonna do your next phase. Yeah. And it's okay to take that time for your, take the time that you need to figure it out. Take the time that you need to figure out.

What it is that's gonna bring you joy. You are allowed to laugh, to be sexual, to be funny again, to buy that sexy underwear, you know? Yeah. You are allowed. It's okay, do it. Then. You're also allowed to have the meltdown in your car if you need to. That's okay too. Yeah. That's crying out's. Okay. Yeah, definitely.

And it's okay to be sad. Yeah, it's okay to have a little bit of depression too. 'cause I think, no, get over it. Come on. But it's like, let people be sad. No. Feel your feelings. Feel your feelings. Yeah. I hate when people say snap out of it. It's like, let her no. If she wants to be sad for six months, let her freaking be bad.

Sad for six months. Check up on her. Hey, you wanna grab some coffee? Hey, do you wanna go watch Spider-Man with me? If she says No, fine, but keep inviting her. She'll snap out of it, but let her take the time, or the father take the time that they need. To adjust to their new life. Grieving and mourning and having sadness is definitely normal.

Yeah. Yeah. That is, and don't isolate yourself though. Yeah. You gotta go through the motions. Yeah. To get to the other side. Yeah. And I think you had mentioned before that. This is just, you're still a mom. It's just, you know, this version of you Yeah. Is, you know, changing. Right. It shifts. Yeah. And I think that when you get to this point where you have grown up children, whether they're gone, yeah.

You are living, you know, out of home or living with you still. Um, I think what's special about it, and sometimes we don't see it right away, is the bond that we create with them as young adults. And that's something that I'm enjoying right now. Me too. Because, you know, they're like, Hey mom, let's hang out.

Let's go to the movies, or, doesn't that feel great? Let's go to concert and it does, you know, or let's have a drink together. I mean, it's just, I, I love the stage. I'm happy for you. Yeah. It's a good stage to be in where you're, you know, and, and the conversations that you guys have, the deep conversations that you can have.

Your adult children mm-hmm. Is amazing. And when your adult children still wanna hang out with you, right? Mm-hmm. I have a stepdaughter and a stepson. I love them dearly. They're, I consider my stepdaughter, honestly, to be like one of my closest friends. I didn't experience the empty nester with her at all.

Um, but it took a really long time, many years to grow the bond, uh, together. And, um, lemme tell you, I think aside from being a, a mom and a wife and building my family has also been the, what I built with my stepchildren. The fact that my stepdaughter wants to hang out with me sometimes, and she's like, Hey, I'm gonna come over.

I'm gonna bring a bottle of wine, you know, and that she likes me, like really enjoys my company. I'm like, man, I'm proud of that shit. It feels, because I love her to death. She's literally like one of my closest friends and it was not easy to get here, but we got here, right? And I'm proud of that too. And that's the kind of relationship you look forward to with your adult kids?

Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. Yep. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, I wanted to read a quick little quote here that I found from a lady named Kim Alexis. It's very simple, very short, but powerful. She said the biggest change for me as a mom was realizing that I needed to put someone else before me. Now the hardest part about being an empty nester is learning that I gotta put myself first now Kim Alexis.

And I was like, oh, that, I mean, I think that was the simplest way to say it. Yeah. And that's what we've been talking about today. It, it's gonna take you time. You have to mourn, feel your feelings like Maritza said. But enjoy the ride on figuring out your new chapter. That's a wrap on today's episode of Red Lips Real Talk.

Whether you're crying or dancing in your empty house with your soak robe, just know that you're not alone. This stage of life is full of feelings. Feel them go through it, but also it's full of freedom. Discovery and yes, a little fun too. Have fun. So give yourself grace, give yourself permission, and most importantly, give yourself that second glass of wine and make sure you choose the right color.

Lofa green. Mine is green. Thank you guys for being here and.

Thank you for listening. Make sure to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. We will be dropping an episode every two weeks. Oh yeah. No, like seriously subscribe now. So just chill to the next episode. Follow us on Insta and TikTok. Aima.