Let's Be Real: 50/50 Does It Really Work?

In this episode, the hosts discuss the evolving idea of a "50/50 relationship" and why the traditional model no longer works in today’s world. With rising living costs, financial pressure on younger generations, and the need for dual incomes, couples are rethinking how they divide responsibilities. They believe that a strict 50/50 split—whether in finances, emotional, or household labor—rarely works, and instead advocate for a flexible, team-based approach rooted in communication and mutual respect.

The conversation highlights how shifting gender roles and life transitions make adaptability key, even as traditional gestures like chivalry still have their place. The hosts emphasize the importance of discussing finances, responsibilities, and emotional support before marriage to prevent future resentment and help couples navigate change together.

The episode offers a relatable take on building strong partnerships through teamwork, not numbers.

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Transcript

Oye, my henthe, you're listening to the Red Lips Real Talk podcast, where we talk
about life, love, and everything in between. You already know, it's time to get
real. D 'ALE.
Picture this. You're on a date. The night's going great. Conversations easy.
The chemistry's there. Then the check lands on the table. He both glanced and
suddenly, it's like some test. Are we splitting this? Should one person offer?
Is this what people mean when they say 50 -50? Welcome to Red Lips Real Talk.
Today, we're unpacking the idea of 50 -50 relationships, how navigating chores, money,
emotional labor, and thing in between isn't always a perfect balance, but more about
teamwork. Hello, ladies. Hi, Maritza. Hello.
So what does it mean 50 -50 relationships? Wow, I think it means both partners
sharing duties and expectations. You just splitting everything 50 -50.
Right down the middle. Right down the middle. You did the dishes, I'll put them
away, 50 -50. Or I did the dishes today, you do them tomorrow? That too.
I don't do bathrooms. That's all. That's all you.
What about you, Jasmine? You know, I've had to do a lot of soul searching for this
show because I might get a little deep here, but I have in my mind what I think
50 -50 means, right? And I was very like, no, like more traditional,
I think, or more old -fashioned minded. So before we started thinking about doing the
show, I decided to talk to younger people, like my daughter, and younger married
couples. And I asked them a lot of questions because I wanted to be educated on
this before I gave my own personal opinion and thoughts because this is a very,
very different world, a changing world. You know, in the 80s, I was a kid. In the
90s, I was a teenager. In the early 2000s, I was a woman. And now I'm a middle
-aged woman in 2025. And how we lived and grew up was drastically different.
For example, you made $10, $11 an hour in the early 2000s and rent was $500,
$600 a month. Right. Today, you make $15, $16 an hour and rents $2 ,500 a month.
It's really hard for one person to do that by themselves. Absolutely. Yeah.
And that made me do a lot of soul searching on why things are more 50 -50, because
whether we want to admit this to ourselves or not, our young youth has a lot of
stress when it comes to money, finances, and their future. When I was a young girl,
I could move out of my house right after high school and moving with my friend.
Our kids can't. No, it's difficult for this time period. Everything is so expensive.
And they're not making as much to cover that. Or a lot of people aren't. So two
income households are tough. Yeah. I can only imagine anyone dealing with one income
household. Yeah. I know people, I'm not going to say their names because that would
be horrible, but I know people that are making $80 ,000 and another one's making $50
,000, and it's still not enough. Right. And that's mind -blowing. It's mind -blowing
because, again, not to go back 25 years, but people made $40 ,000,
Another person maybe made $30 ,000. They owned a home. They had new cars. They went
out to eat. They went to Disney World. They had nice clothes. Today, that's almost
poverty. Right. So it made me reconsider my way of thinking about $50 ,000. It is
absolutely necessary for many people unless they're inheriting homes or inheriting
money from family generational wealth. I'm not going to lie either.
I still think it's really sexy when a man picks up the check, you know, when you
go out to dinner and he picks up to check or he offers to like help you pay
things. I think it's really sexy and very, I don't know, it's just like, it's
something that, like, I think a lot of women find as a turn on. But I can also
understand how that is so stressful for a young man Maybe he wants to do that,
but he just kind of can't. Right. And you're talking about more just financial area.
You're not talking about the other stuff, emotional labor, the house chores, like,
all of that. Exactly. And I was going to get into that. First, I wanted to kind
of focus more on the finance side because that is a harsh reality for our young
people. Right. And I think that that's one of them, one of them, I think there's
three reasons why people, when they get in relationships, whether they're living
together or married, why they get separated. Yeah. Money is, uh,
I think money will. I think money is one. Mm -hmm. Number two is infidelity. You
know, and then third, I think, um, you can correct me if I'm wrong. I think third
is like violence, you know? That's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy that you can be madly in
love with someone, But the money situation is so bad that you break up. Because
you're fighting all the time. Because you're fighting all the time. Yeah. Because
you're fighting all the time. I know personally me, a lot of women who want to be
home. Same. I know. They want to be home. They're like, I don't want to go to
work. I don't want to be a boss bitch. I know somebody who told me, Jasmine, I
wish I could have had three, four kids. I want to be home. I want to, I want to
cook. I want to clean. I want to do the laundry. I want to have four kids. That
was my dream. I wanted that and I can't. I have to work and have one child.
And that's tough. And it's tough. So it made me reconsider my way of thinking.
And I'm glad that we're doing this show because I feel helped me grow also as a
person, realizing that what I thought doesn't apply in this generation anymore.
Right. It's forever changing. It's forever changing. For sure. You know? And going
back to what you brought up, Maritza, that's why you see a lot of men nowadays who
are more hands -on. Because they're like, look, you've been working all day.
I've been working all day. And then you come home and you got to cook dinner, help
with the homework, pick up the house while I sit on the couch with a beer and
watch a little TV. That shit didn't
worried because of this situation, right? Because money, it doesn't get very far
anymore. Especially here in South Florida. I think it's the whole United States at
this point, Monica. Well, yeah, but I think. But there's other states that are a
little easier. Yes. I know plenty of people that live in other states that can do
it. Right. And they're living comfortably. Or people that have moved there I couldn't
do it here and they just couldn't. There were a lot of people leaving South Florida
because they can't do it anymore. No, it's like I was looking at because I was
curious, you know, so I went on Zillow and I said, okay, let's say I was 30 years
old, freshly married with a baby and I want to buy a house and I want to live in
Miami. But there's certain parts you don't want to live in Miami. You don't have to
live in Coral Gables, but you may want, but you still want to live in a nice,
nicer neighborhood with good schools and stuff like that. Fixer uppers. Fixer uppers
are like $580 ,000. And you're making $25 an hour.
Your spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend is making about the same guys. How do you
pay a $5 ,000 mortgage? Right. And then you got your car, then you got insurance,
your cell phones, you got to eat. And that's not even including enjoying your life.
Right. Going on a nice dinner with your wife or going shopping or taking that trip
to Disney World. No wonder these people are not having kids and getting married.
It's so fucking hard. I was just listening to the radio and it's so true.
Like two weeks ago, you go to the store of Publix, whatever, and you're buying the
same things over
here yeah and yeah it's like you said to buy a house not only do you have to
think about all that insurance here is insane and people are being dropped like like
fly i've been dropped twice and my insurance annually and i've never put in a claim
ever in my life thank god never put in a claim my insurance on my house is $13
,000 a year. That's insanity. And let's not include property taxes.
Right. Okay, because your house can be paid off, but you still got to pay property
taxes. So now, homeowners insurance and property taxes, your house is paid off.
You still got to pay $20 ,000 to $22 ,000 a year. Because they're not valuing what
you actually paid for it. Right. They want to go by what it's worth. the
assessment. But yes, and that's the reality that our young youth is dealing with.
Back in the days, you could buy a house. It was, excuse the word I'm going to
use, but it could be a piece of shit. But you could buy a little house for $80
,000. Right. And fix it up. That's a, that's a little casita from Home Depot.
That's Amazon .com. There's riette. There's people compranos of those casitas in
Hialea, and they put a toilet and an air conditioner, and people are living in
them. I saw something to do that. They bought a house on Amazon. Yeah. And they
put it together, put the electric, the plumbing, you know, that thing. We laugh
about it, but it's not funny. It's not funny. It is a crisis. It is. It's insane.
I want to live in a tiny home.
Just get me out of here. Put me in a box. Yeah. In the middle of nowhere. Yeah.
I'm going to turn into one of those prepper people that are living in the woods.
Off the grid. Off the grid.
Come find me. But I think 50 -50 also is complex because, you know,
there could be a lot of resentment if one person, let's say I'm just going to do
hypotheticals here, but these things are happening, okay? So let's say, Monica, you
and I are together and you make 200 ,000 a year and I make 60 ,000 a year.
Obviously, that's a huge. Yeah. Okay, but there are couples who still split
everything 50 -50. Right. I'm at a disadvantage because I make considerably less than
you. So a good portion of my livelihood is going to go just to survive versus
you're going to have a lot left over. So you may have to live in a neighborhood
that you don't want to live in because I can't afford. That's complex. Yeah, it is.
And I guess that's the importance of communication. Yes. Oh, yeah. So when you get
into a relationship, these are conversations you should be having. They're not
comfortable conversations. No, but if you decide you want to split everything down
the middle, that's definitely a conversation that needs to be, you know. Do you know
how many people get married not having these conversations? It's very common. I know
several. Yeah. And I don't understand it. I've always, and I can't speak for anybody
else but me, okay? But I've always felt like that is critical in a relationship.
How are you with money? Are you a saver? Are you a spender? Do you live paycheck
to paycheck? Do you, are you a dreamer? Or are you very conservative? All of those
things matter. I like to take vacations. If my husband was to tell me I like to
stay in Florida, we're not going anywhere. I don't know. Because in the long run,
get married, I think those are things that you should notice. Right. Like how they
are with money, whether or not they owe a lot more than you. If they have debt.
Yeah. If you're with them before. Well, there's people who get married without
knowing that they're marrying into, they're inheriting someone else's debt. Right.
It happens a lot more than you think. No, I know. But again, the importance of
having this conversation. And some people just, they just go into these relationships
thinking I'll pay my half he pays his half and that's it but then in the end well
because life is forever changing right so you could say that today and it's not
necessarily so five 10 years down the line everything changes you lose your job
maybe you're putting in more hours you get a promotion you stay where you're at I
mean everything changes life changes constantly constantly well Marissa you just
brought up a good point what if what god forbid One of you gets sick. Right. And
that's it. You can't see that in your future. Yeah. You know, in the scenario of
Monica and I are together, she's the one that was making $250. God forbid, you
know, just in the scenario, she gets ill. That's $250. I make $60. Our life is
drastically going to change. I mean, those are things that I guess younger people
don't think about. I'll be honest. I didn't think about that either. I got married
because I was in love. But I think you definitely think about that when you're when
your second marriage and it's your right you know but if there's a takeaway from
this is that these are very important conversations to have before you get married
to someone yeah i mean especially if you're living together like if you're living
together these are conversations you got to have oh you have to know you got to
make it work yeah so it's you got to talk about it because getting married that's
if you do decide to get married that's a commitment and you are inheriting each
other's debts right everything is now becoming one so yeah it's important to have
these conversations i know for some people they married and all do feel 50 50 is
the way to go for them because that's just the conversation they had and that's
what works yeah and if it works it works it's fine too i read a uh it was on
Reddit and there was a couple and one made more than the other and they split all
the bills right down the middle right down the middle and they have all that's
taken care of and then if they want to do something together there's I guess they
put money in an account oh they have a fun they have a vacation so they put they
both put like money into that account and then the rest is there for whatever yeah
and they haven't had a problem But again, they did have situations where life
fluctuated. One lost their job. So the other one had to just cover everything fine.
And then they had that backup. And it happened to both of them. So then the other
one got a job. Then the other one lost the job. So, you know, but it worked for
them. And they were happy. Yeah. And that's the way it works. Some people don't
talk about it. And then there's resentment. Right. And you can get petty, right?
Yeah. I mean, I'm going to be raw and vulnerable here, but I don't live like that.
I don't. I stopped working on 2020. I mentioned this several times.
So I became extremely dependent on just my spouse, you know? But then I picked up,
I do everything else. You know, he's the one that works. He's the one that makes
the money. And then I became very domesticated, which in the beginning was kind of
like, oh, my God, like the loss of my career, the loss of my independence.
15 years old and hustled and was that whatever version of a boss bitch you want to
call. And then I became light. I don't know if light is the right word, but, you
know, I was home and I was cleaning and cooking and folding the laundry and putting
on Spotify and dancing while I was mopping the floor and what am I going to make
for dinner tonight? And being so hands on with my daughters, I also cherish that
too. Right. You know, so I feel like I'm lucky because I've been able to have both
in my life. But I can see the danger if it's not a healthy marriage or a healthy
relationship where someone is making all the money and they completely control
everything. There's a very dangerous situation too. So I think it's something that if
you do find yourself wanting to do that, you have to make sure that you're with a
partner that's not going to hurt you like that. Exactly. It's critical.
Yeah, definitely. But we're also in a time to work, Miss Independent, right? Like a
lot of women. Well, we're getting a lot of our young children are not wanting to
get married. We've talked about this before and not wanting to have kids. Right. I
was at a funeral. Well, it was a service for somebody that had passed away. I just
happened to be sitting next to a conversation that I was overhearing and it was a
lawyer. And he was actually talking about how slow it was because there wasn't many
divorces going on because not a lot of people are getting married. That's the world
that we're in right now. So the divorce lawyer is slowing down. Yeah. He's doing
other stuff, right? Not really concentrating so much on, you know, The divorce rate
has dropped. It's funny that you said that because I was about to quote this. Look,
according to Pew Research, which is a big research firm, fewer Americans are married
now compared to decades in the past. More people are choosing to remain single or
cohabit together without marriage. That is the new normal with no children,
and they share a dog. Yeah, there's always a dog. There's always a dog. Have you
not seen the people's court when they fight for the dog?
It's crazy. What? But that's what's happening. And it's a new world.
So, yeah, it's very, and they're both very independent. But I still want him to pay
for my dinner, you know. I have to draw a line somewhere. Pay for my dinner.
Pay Skin dinner, bro. Let me, at least, at least pay for my dinner. Come on. What
do they call that? Chivalrous? Chivalry. Chivalry, yeah. Like, I got my hair done. I
did my nails. I probably bought a new outfit. I'm looking pretty for you. Like, pay
for my steak. Pay for my steak. I have a statistic here from Bumble. Bumble.
Well, it says, according to Bumble, it says 47 % of Gen Z daters still believe men
should take the lead in relationships. So even though equality is the goal,
tradition, idea is still alive. Look, I can lie to you both and tell you that take
the lead. I think, but I think that's more like, yeah, pay for my dinner. Well,
that's what you're talking about. I mean, that's what she's talking about. Pay for
my dinner. I don't know. I, again, I know I'm old. Shit, I'm almost 50 years old.
I'm holding on Bitches, I'm holding on a 49. That's what she's saying. Yeah, that's
what I'm saying. I'm holding on to 49 with everything. But yeah, there's something
really sexy about a man who takes the lead. I agree. I'm with you on that one.
And I know it's old -fashioned, but it's really, really hot. It is.
It is. But some women like to take the lead. Yeah. Yeah. Well, a lot of guys feel
intimidated in dating or marrying women that make significantly more. Because whether
we want to admit this to our self,
this way. They were raised in thinking that you have to provide, you have to
protect, you have to be a man. And when the woman is the one that's more powerful,
let's be honest, if she's making significantly more, there's something about her that
changes too, whether she wants to admit or not. She's more masculine. She does
become a little bit more masculine and less soft and less feminine. I'm not saying
that they're not beautiful feminine women, but they are a little bit harder and some
men are not attracted to that and I'm not making that up I did a lot of my due
diligence on this and right and it is some of the things that that's why a lot of
the women who are who are in the situation are single too because it's hard for
them to find a man that is okay with that dynamic okay I can understand that yeah
but I think I've seen scenarios yeah both both there are relationships that you know
the women does make more and that's happened like later or sometimes it happens like
later on
know, I'm the guy and I'm the one that makes 80 and my wife makes 250. I think
that's really hard on a lot of men. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I
don't have experience, but I could see it happened. Yeah, I could see it being.
That has a lot to do with their pride. Right. Yeah. They took a punch in their
pride. Exactly. Because they don't make, so if I'm not a doctor. Well, I'm going to
ask you both a question. Do you think women in this situation lose respect for
their husbands because of it? Because they make more money? Yes, no. You don't think
so? No. It depends on the situation. I mean, if you're, if you are with someone
that's not trying, right? And that's the reason why you make more than them. That's
different. I could see someone losing respect for that person. Okay. But if it's
because they have a different career path than you do, no. I don't think. Yeah.
Like, teachers don't make a lot of money. You could be a great science teacher and
you're the CEO of a company. Right. So if you know that you're married to someone
who's a teacher and you're a doctor. But you better make it up in the bedroom.
You better make it up in the bedroom. You got another job. You got another J -O -B.
But no, I don't see. I think that's more pride. Men that get bothered by that is
because it's their pride. Right. They have some sort of low self -esteem. Do you
think that's considered toxic masculinity from the past? Or that's just the way it
is? What do you think? I guess it all depends on how they handle it. It's really
how they handle it. But, I mean, it's an upbringing. You know what I mean? Like,
it's just how they were raised to being. And so sometimes it can be that way. Not
always, but there could be men that feel that way. And it's all in the upbringing.
And I guess too, because I never grew up with the intention of being taken care of
by anybody. That's not how I grew up. Right. Me neither. My mother was very
independent and there was nothing wrong with the relationship. She grew up the way
that you're saying fashion that her dad took care of everything. But when she left,
she was on her own. Right. And she's like, I'm going to do this. And she did that
all her life. Yeah. She was very independent. Right. Yeah. And my dad did provide
for the family. He was a hardworking man and he provided for the family. But she
still wanted to do her own thing and make her own money. Yeah. Right. So it
wasn't, that's how I grew up. So I never grew up with the intent like, and like,
oh, I'm going to be taken care of. Neither did I. I was more, I was on survival
mode. Yeah. No. I remember having big, I mean, you just triggered a memory.
I had a huge argument with Mike. Giuliana, my first daughter, she was only three at
the time. I was working full time. It was really hard. It was hard. You know, a
toddler. Well, I don't have to explain myself. Everybody who's the thing who knows
how difficult that time of your life can be. And he was like, honey, just.
dependent on anybody and he looked at me and he was like it makes me sad that you
don't trust me that you don't trust me as your husband that I won't do that to
you and I was like I'm and I remember saying I do trust you but I can't but I
but I won't do that I don't mean to sound like meatloaf but I won't do it and I
hate keep bringing it out it wasn't because I was forced which was COVID because my
job was super social and that's when my life changed but I think it's very very
difficult for women to surrender to that vulnerability because it's it's he when when
one person makes all the money and they control that that could be really petrifying
yeah but you okay you said you were forced into it so you had both lives right
yeah 2020 I stopped working right yeah and You enjoyed it. I did. I'm not going to
lie. And then came the time, then came the time that I'm like, damn, I wish I
would have done it a little sooner. So I could have enjoyed my daughters a little
bit more and gone to the PTA meetings and been that mom because it worked out for
me. Right. So let's be honest. Maybe for other women, that's not working out for
them, you know, but because it did work out for me, I wish I would have done it
a little sooner, but not everybody wants that either. Exactly. That's my point. Yeah.
Not everybody wants to be a stay -at -home mom. Yes. And I was put in that position
at one point where I was at home. I wasn't working and I was told to stay that
way, but it drove me insane. Yeah. I couldn't be home. Yeah. I couldn't do it.
It's not for everybody. I needed to work. I was like, nope, I'm going to go find
a job. Sorry. I was there for every school event, every P &A meeting, every pickup,
every drop -off, I was there. This was something that you were discussing with your
husband? Yeah. Okay. But it just, it wasn't me. Got it. I did not want to stay
home. I'm not a stay -at -home mom. Yeah. And that's okay. Yep. And that's okay.
Yeah. That's fine. I was like, no. I thought I was that way too. I'm being honest.
But then I was like, oh, wow. Like, I really liked this. Mm -hmm. And then there
was times that, yeah, I had already been in it for like about a year, you know.
And it's going to sound terrible what I'm going to say, but you got to be honest,
you know. And Mike was like, man, it's really nice to come home and like, the
house is clean. The laundry's done. Yeah. Food is done. You know, you're happy.
You're in a good moon. The weekends we're just having fun. We're not trying to play
catch up. He goes, man, this is really, like this is really nice. But he also knew
that I was busting my ass at home. So it's not like he was like, oh, she's
watching TV all day and folding shorts. It wasn't like that. So, you know, I did
have a goodhearted spouse that valued me at home. And appreciated me. So that's
critical. That's critical. And every relationship is different. So that's why,
you know, I'm glad we're doing this show because I've learned a lot. I've learned a
lot on how things have changed. Yeah. Talking to the younger girls, too. They're
like, it's different out here. It's just really different. I mean, I transitioned
into staying home slowly because I was working. But then, you know,
when, you know, those memes, you know, you wish your office would catch on fire.
Well, that was a true story for me. You know, I woke up one morning and, hey, our
office burned down. And I was like, what? And then I started working from home full
time plus taking care of my mom who had been diagnosed with breast cancer the
second time and taking care of my kids they were toddlers and then slowly for
surely i mean the industry that i'm in kind of started to slow down throughout the
years you know just got worse and worse yeah and i eventually transitioned into the
being stay -at -home mom but i was already home because i was working from home full
-time so that's how it happened for me and so it wasn't But can I ask you a
question? It became easier because I wasn't working, like when I was working full
-time, it was hard for me to do all the other things, right? Cook and even though
I was there, just all of that was tough to just manage altogether. But once I
transitioned to, you know, being full -time at home, like I wasn't working as much.
I was doing, it was more like part -time freelance. Yeah. It wasn't so bad because
I was already working from home for so many years. Well, the question I wanted to
ask you was, like, Monica admitted that she just didn't like it. Right. And I'm
saying, I thought I wouldn't like it, but I ended up liking it. What was it for
you? It was really hard. I went through my moments of, yeah, I went through my
moments of, like, feeling like the walls were closing in on me and just, it, the
transition is not, well, like I said, I was working from home first, and that's not
for everybody neither. yeah that's also a really hard transition it is very hard if
you know i mean i think some people are like hey yay you know but it is not easy
and i think sometimes what happens with your spouse is that they think because
you're home all day even though you're working all day there's some things that i
don't know like expected and they don't realize yeah i'm home but I'm working like
this I'm sure people can relate to that because I've talked to a few people about
it and they're like yeah oh my goodness like you know they're upset because I
didn't get to this but I was working and so that tends to happen as well I mean
the transition was not easy at all um I fought it but then I adjusted yeah and um
you know then I got to a point where I was like I was I was um grateful because
I was able to be around my kids for the amount of time that I was able to be
around. In their formative years. The transition was not easy. Yeah. Yeah, definitely
wasn't. I mean, but then again, like I said, I had a lot of things going on in
between that time as well. Well, that's what that lady talks about. What's her name
again? Bernet. Brne Brown. She talks about that a little bit, kind of tapping to
that because she said, I think she was asked about the 50 -50. 50 -50 rule, yeah.
She thinks it's a crap of bullshit. Well, she says, because it's not always 50 -50.
Sometimes it's 80 -20, sometimes, you know, the numbers are always changing. She talks
about her and her husband. Do you have the clip? Would you like to me to play it?
She was referring to more like emotional and, yeah, it wasn't financial. It was
Everything. Together, I think. Yeah. Everyone says marriage should be 50 -50. It's the
biggest crock of bullshit I've ever heard. It's never 50 -50. Yeah. Ever. And so
what we do is we quantify where we are. So if Steve comes home and he'll be like,
I got 20. Just in terms of energy. Just energy, investment, kindness,
patience. I'm out of 20. And I'll be like, I'll cover you. I got you brother.
Like, I'll pull the 80. Sometimes we come home, which we've done a lot, my mom has
been sick. And I'll say, I've got 10. And Steve, like two days ago said, I'm
riding a solid 25. So we know that we have to sit down at the table anytime we
have less than 100 combined and figure out a plan of kindness toward each other. I
love that. Yeah, because the thing is, marriage is not something that's 50 -50. A
partnership works when you can carry their 20 or they can carry your 20, and that
when you both just have 20, you have a plan where you don't hurt each other.
Right. And she's talking about everything, like not just financial. She's talking
about all of it. Yeah. The whole emotional labor. I mean, like the invisible chores,
like all of it. That's why that conversation, like what you just shared right now,
which was really vulnerable. And you said, you know, there's an expectation when the
spouse comes home, whether it's the woman or the man, that certain things should be
done because you were home, you know, and them not maybe understanding what
transpired in that house the whole day while they were in a traditional office or
cubicle or driving a car. That's why what she said is so important because you need
to sit down at the table and say, hey, what is it that you think I'm doing all
day at home? Because I think we need to talk about. Like, would you like for me
to share with you from 8 o 'clock in the morning until you walked in what really
happened today? Exactly. But that's communication. Yes, I completely agree.
Yeah, that's important. But for some men, they still don't think of it. No,
they don't, unfortunately. They don't. Yeah, because I, like I said, I was working
from home, and I had my toddlers at home. And for some time,
my sometime my mom was ill I'm not to say the whole time but it was a part of
it so yeah it was challenging I got through it I'm sure you've seen the videos
that go around on TikTok for people that work from home and they're juggling so
many things yeah and then you're trying to have meetings on the phone and you have
background noise going on there but they're making fun of the situation because
they're like you know me trying to work from home yeah and then you get they get
knocked their husband or their dad or mom. Hey, what are you doing? Can you?
Where's the catch up? Like all these interruptions. But now we have these Zoom,
right? The FaceTime Zoom things because I wasn't doing that back then. I used to
tell my boss, I'm like, listen, if you need me to talk to a client, like, you got
to give me, you know, like warning ahead of time because I have to create that
environment. Lock the kids in the closet. No, I'm just kidding. No, but you know
what I mean? Like, just create that quiet environment for me to be able to have a
conversation about, you know, work. Yeah. I think it's also really important, again,
bringing up communication, but it can get a little toxic when you, instead of being
in a team mindset, like we're a team, you and me are a team, it's more like
keeping score. Well, I did this and I did that and you didn't do this. And then
that's where I think it gets a little bit complicated. Right. I I'm going to say
that. Yeah. Because if you're keeping score, and I'm not trying to be hurtful with
what I'm saying, I'm really not. But if that's what's happening in your relationship
right now, you have a problem. It's not supposed to be like that. It's supposed to
be more like we're a team. Right. The goal isn't to keep score. Exactly. It's about
showing up for each other. Or critical judgments towards each other because of
whatever reason. Like those are the things that really hurt and end up chipping away
at love and companionship and laugh. I mean, laughing. I still laugh with my
husband. And I think that's a beautiful thing. With him or at him? No, I'm just
kidding. I do both. I do both. You know, but we still laugh.
And I'm like, man, like today this morning, this is so silly, but I bought a brand
new duvet. It was like, it's so over the top okay I bought the duvet cover and
the duvet and Mike's like wow that's beautiful it's like fucking gorgeous okay and
I'm like yeah this shit is gorgeous it looks like a hotel bed and whatever that
shit is so heavy it's like an elephant on top of us and it's so hot you know and
he doesn't want Bendito he doesn't want to tell me that I fucked up you know but
I fucked up Okay. So this morning, you know, we woke up and he was like, sweating.
And I was like, to fucking go for this fucking dude. He was like, baby. We were
just like laughing, you know, versus maybe another couple would have been like, why
do you buy that? You're so fucking stupid. Why do you spend that? Why do you spend
this man? You're so fucking stupid. Instead of being like, that shit's funny. And
then he said something that killed me. He goes, babe, it's going to be really cold
like two days out of the year that she's going to be bomb.
That's the difference. Right. That we laughed, that he said a silly joke and that
we could still do that many. And that's the beauty in what I was trying to say
about. We're a team. Yeah. That's how it should be. That's how it's supposed to be.
Yeah. I know every relationship is different. But I think those comical moments, that
that's really the sweet spot, I think. Why did you buy that? Man, because this shit
is beautiful. I'm just hot thinking.
giving a TMI so I'm sorry we ended up just in our underwear like angel style like
oh so fucking hot and he was like babe why the hell did you buy that um because
it's pretty but it's really pretty it just does it no we don't have to use it you
know you know No, don't use it. It's for show. Yeah. But again, I know every
relationship is different and their reasons on why they're together is different. But
for me, I just think that if you could still laugh after so many years together,
you're kind of winning. Yeah. Yeah. I got a call the other day. My daughter talking
about chores. And she's like, I hate and she hates doing dishes. She's like, I hate
doing dishes. And we talked about that. I was like, you had the conversation. She
goes, yes, we had a conversation. I know what he doesn't like and he knows what I
don't like. So, but today I have to do dishes. Yeah. Because he's working late.
And that she's putting in, she's putting in her. She's like, I'm going to do
dishes. Just use gloves. You're not touching them. And it's so gross. It's so gross.
I'm like, but that's good. You guys had the conversation yes this is what i'm i
keep telling you talk about everything yeah it's very important it is and i'm glad
that she's doing that because a lot of young kids don't no they don't well it's
funny i'm like i'm putting my daughter's like conversations on on a busari sweetheart
if you listen to this but she called me the other day and she's like mom my
boyfriend called me and he's going to get off of work really late and he has to
go do something early in the morning and he needs of brown belt and brown, like,
dressy shoes.
mom is this like what wives do for their husbands like is this my future it was
so innocent yeah and i was like well i mean if he needs your help i mean and you
want to help yeah and you and you love him and i mean yeah i mean people do
these things when they love each other she goes okay Oh my goodness And she's like,
okay And then she texted me And she was like Oh, he loved everything He said it
was really nice And it was just really sweet But going back to what you said About
your daughter And I wanted to do the dishes It's like this is them growing up Yeah
And realizing that oh this is this I'm lifhing Like I'm really Yeah Growing up And
he bought her flowers The next day As a thank you And I was like I didn't get
Fucking flowers When I fucking did that shit I was like these guys are different
When I go shopping for him I don't get flowers Wait a second I got flowers when I
did shit from Mike I always go shopping for my husband Did you never guess me
flowers for that? Did you have to tell him something? Oh he buys me flowers No but
for shopping For getting him things like that scenario No I don't think so I don't
really shop shop for him oh I shop for him yeah I shop for Mike like if I see a
t -shirt but but hold up hold up it's not that I shop for Mike is that if I
don't tell him what to wear he will show up looking a hot mess same he has no
fashion sense yeah he will wear crocs and cargo shorts and a golf shirt and a hat
and I can't shop for my husband because I'll be shopping out of like a GQ catalog
really and he don't wear that shit oh I mean like I think this is nice but he
don't wear that no I can't handle what he would wear if I don't shop because
because I want to no no I do it for me no exactly that's what I'm saying like I
can't handle yeah he'll be like this is what I'm wearing I'm like that's what
you're wearing I remember I bought a shirt from Express sorry but it's what I do
it was express men they have nice stuff Years ago. Years ago. And I'm like,
oh, look, I saw this shirt. And he's like, that shit is tight. Like, it's going to
fit me very tight. I was like, well, I think that's the look. He's like, that's
not what I wear. Well, I, okay. Mike's like, babe, this shit's tight.
You can see my nipples. I buy things that he will wear. Like, I am fair.
I don't buy things that he won't wear. But it's definitely better if, you know, I
mean, I'm going to take that back because many years have passed. I used to lay
his clothes out for him. So this is, like you say, this is what you're wearing. I
no longer do that. So, and he's doing well on his own. With my approval.
With my approval. Because when he walks out of that room, I do scan him. Oh. I
scan approve. I'm sorry I guess I'm showing my age but like I can't trust him I
can't Yeah And if I'm going on to dinner with my girlfriend He's a chancel and
shorts guy Oh my god, yes Yeah My husband too I remember one time I bought him
this Offen I was like oh my god He's gonna look so great in this I took it home
That shit was so fucking tight So Mike was like No babe you have to take that
back And I'm like boy He's like baby I He was to answer too tight. He was like,
everybody's going to be like, do you know what? And I was like, too save what? And
cute me. He was like, babe, they can handle this.
Everybody would be hitting on him. No, I'm just kidding. But no, no. I had to, it
was a lot of like trial and error. Like I was trying new things. And he was like,
I don't like that. I don't like that. But he could definitely do it. He doesn't
need me. He could do it himself. But I think our relationship ended up like that
where I just shopped for him, and I didn't mind. Maybe some people do mind. But
for me, it didn't bother me. Plus, I kind of wanted him to match whatever I was
wearing. Right. It's cute. It's sweet, though. I'm just glad that our kids,
at least, are talking, you know, because I was a little worried there about the
whole relationship thing because, you know, young kids don't, we could tell them all
they long about do this or don't do this. Right, but they're not going to listen.
They're going to do things their own way. Although now that they're older, right,
they're listening. They're having different conversations. I'm also very impressed on
how they're handling it because, you know, I see my son, for instance,
you know, he's starting to cook now and him and his girlfriend, they do their thing
in the kitchen and it works. They're a team. Yeah. You know, she does this, he
does that. And then they both help each other clean up. I'm like, Okay. You know,
Marita, I'm glad that you brought that up because, you know, I'm a foodie. I like
to cook. People don't believe me, but I genuinely enjoy cooking. And Mike lately has
been helping me. Not all the time, but more than usual. And it has really bonded
us. We're like, honey, let's do this or let's do that. No, I want to do this, you
know. And there's something about cooking together as a couple that's really healthy
and beautiful. So I think even if you do it once a week Or maybe on the weekends,
instead of going out to a restaurant, you go out to the supermarket, and you always
find a recipe, you run a movie, whatever. And there's something very beautiful and
unifying about cooking together. Yeah, that happens at my house every Sunday. Nice.
Because my husband cooks every Sunday. Okay. And we're all there to help. Nice. It's
a team effort. And I realize that the simple things always are the big things. I
do the sides, he does the main, and my son is the, go do this, go get this,
get this. We need this. Oh, wait, go to the supermarket. We don't have this. Yeah.
Poor thing. But he's there. He knows the drill. Food has always been a unifying
thing in families. Yeah. I'll be honest with you. I do not like cooking. I cook,
but I don't enjoy it. I do it because, you know, I need to feed my family. We
got to eat. I got to eat. We all got to eat. And I'm not going to be buying
food every day. So, I mean, I do it. But, you know, I'm all about, I'm all about,
I'm all about fast meals, you know, quick things, you know, da -da -da -da. You know,
I won't spend hours in the kitchen. It's not for everybody. Yeah. Yeah. So that's
me. That's okay. Because you're holding everything else up. And I think people are
very surprised to learn that about me because they always come to my house and I
have food. And I'm like, oh, I made this or I made that, you know. But I'm like,
I cook because I need to feed my family. They'll starve. You have no choice. I
don't have. Yeah. I mean, well, now you do. I do now, but I still like to keep
food there. You know what I mean? I still do it. Even though my kids are cooking
for themselves now. Even though you don't like it, Marita, you're cooking with your
heart. And no, yeah. And I do what I can. You do what you're cooking with your
heart. I do my best. It's a beautiful thing, especially when you don't like it and
you still do it. Right. So ladies, I read this on Reddit and I found it extremely
interesting. Is it okay if I read it to you so we can talk about it? Let's talk
about it. All right. A man and his girlfriend agreed to split the household chores
50 -50 after she moved in. And even though he paid a larger share of the rent.
Over time, the girlfriend was complaining to him that he was just sitting around on
his computer and playing video games, rather than helping her in the house and
helping with chores. So what did he do? He hired a housekeeper to do his half of
the chores. That move triggered rage, outrage, you name it.
Many readers read it pointed out that while he technically did fulfill his side,
the spirit of the agreement and the mutual caring was broken.
Let's talk about that. What is your thoughts on that? I don't know. That's hard.
Well, I agree with what they're saying that the fact that he didn't do it.
I can see why she's upset. Yeah.
That was a smart move. That was like checkmate, bitch. That was a checkmate.
Wow. Yeah. You know, I had to think about that. That's smart. So I understand her,
I understand her rage, her anger. Yeah, because he found a fucking loophole to the
solution. He did, but that was good. And at the end of the day, that was smart.
That was smart, though. Yes, it was a checkmate from him, like checkmate. But mate
but that was also where communication fell short because it wasn't just about keeping
the house clean or doing your chores it was that I want you to like help me and
we're in this together and then you found somebody else to come and do it yeah I
completely agree with and I hope that lack of communication right and I what I hope
is out of this is that they can laugh about that later yeah that shit is funny
that shit was funny though And honestly, if she did a really good job, I'd be
like, fuck it.
Exactly. Like, I'm going to hire you with my half to. I'm going to hire you to do
my have to, bitch. We'll just find something else for him to do. Right. You're not
off the fucking hook. At least that's where I would be. Well, so here's the
takeaway, the overall takeaways, because there was people who left responses. So I'm
going to let you know that The takeaway for the listeners were that even though he
did honor literally the 50%, the perception from the people reading the Reddit was
that it was unfair, that it was snarky, that it was there was an intent to maybe
even humiliate her, and that their togetherness as a partnership was broken because
he was outsourcing her feelings and that he found a solution to it by being
sarcastic about it. Right. And that that was even more hurtful. I see that. I get
it. Yeah, I get that. That was the overall consensus. But checkmate, bitch.
I hope they were able to have a conversation about it. So, I mean,
at the end of the day, like we keep saying communication is key, right? It is.
No, it is. Talk about these things. You need to laugh about these things, too. But,
you know, come. I ain't returning that duvet. The duvet is dying with me. I'm going
to send you, I'm going to send you a picture so you could put it on our
Instagram.
All right. For sure. Yeah. No, but overall, this was a really great show, ladies.
I'm glad we did it. I got to, believe it or not, I learned a little bit more
about myself. Yeah, yeah. And you both, obviously. But I think I grew a little bit
more as a person, too, because the way I was thinking before we started the show
was very different. Yeah, and I could see that, but it's a different time. And so,
like Mirza said before, times are changing continuously situations are changing life
is changing all the time so right it's not a one size fits all it isn't thought
right yeah yeah but i think overall you took the words out of my mouth the most
important thing is that there is genuine love respect mutual respect communication and
that you guys both know what you really want and you aim for it together because
if those critical things are not the same, it's not going to work out. Absolutely.
That's just my opinion. Key 100%. Yeah. So Marita, you had a little thing you
wanted to say? All right. So I guess the truth is relationships aren't always 50
-50. Some days you'll carry more. Some days your partner will. And some days you're
both not 100%. And either way, it's okay. What really matters is how we handle
those moments when things start to feel unbalanced. And that means conversations like,
hey, I really could use some help right now. Because the balance doesn't come from
splitting everything perfectly. It comes from both people being willing to listen,
adjust, and communicate. So if this episode got you thinking, share it with someone
who believes in partnership over perfection. Remember, love isn't always keeping things
even. It's about keeping things open. Asa la proxima. Thank you for listening.
Make sure to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. We will be
dropping an episode every two weeks. Oh yeah. No, like seriously, subscribe now.
So just chill. To the next episode. Follow us on Insta and TikTok. Until la proxia.